So there I was, your humble narrator, going on vacation to the land of mosquito's - Minnesota. I had packed everything, even my mother. Now for those of you who don't know my mother, she is pretty cool, she just needs help getting around. I, being the good son that I am, took it upon myself to wheel her around the airport. I'll start off with the airport. Having a mother that requires a wheelchair has certain fringe benefits. We get to go through the employee lines, we get seated first on the plane and sometimes someone else gets to push her. The only problem is when I have to wheel two suitcases behind me while pushing her in front of me. Talk about a contest for the strongman competition. So there I was, in the airport, trying to get on a tram. So I push her in and she's facing the wall. The doors are about to shut and the luggage train behind me isn't in yet. Mom's like "The luggage! Don't forget the luggage!" So I lasso the handles of the luggage and basically throw them into the tram hitting some innocent bystanders. Luckily they just looked at me like "You poor thing." Now we're in the plane. Those plane seats are oftly tiny. My mom, God bless her, is kinda heavy and let me say, I was squished like a piece of cheese in a taco. I basically sat sideways on the plane for 2 hours. When we land in Minnesota I get her in a wheelchair and push it to the designated baggage claim, Gate 13, from Gate 1. Once at Gate 13 it says the luggage has been moved and is at Gate 2, a mile away. So basically I'm doing laps in the airport with a wheelchair and a laptop at my side. I finally get the luggage train going and go pick up the rental car. Ok, now we're situated in the car, an Ultima. My seat has all these buttons for adjusting so I get it right. I take off down the highway. Mom, of course, is uncomfortable and wants to adjust her seat. So I say, "It's got these buttons, just lean forward and adjust them" unfortunately it didn't have a button, it was one of those leaver seats. She leans forward, pulls the leaver, the seat pushes her forward. She's like pushed up to the dash, her seatbelt choking her, while I'm on the highway going 55 in heavy traffic, "Brian, can't breathe" I'm like,"Just push the button the other way" "The button doesn't go another way! There is no other way!" So she pulls the lever again and pushes and naturally the chair goes all the way back to the reclining position. But, my mom is like "I still can't breathe, I need to sit up" "Push it the other way" "There is no other way! Still can't breathe" "I'm in heavy traffic, what do you want me to pull over?" Finally she sits up, pulls the leaver while I take my arm and push the seat up. All is well and we head off into the sunset, wiser, knowing now that all seats are not created equal.

Thought of the day
"You *cannot* abandon people in the middle of an airport pickup! It's a binding social contract. We must go forward, not back."
- George, in "The Airport"