Today I would like to talk about something important that's just
starting to hit the news. By the end of next week I expect people to
say "What election?" The title of the news story is "Bruegger's Bakes
World's Largest Bagel; 868-Pound Bagel is Guinness World Record."
Finally a record we can all be proud of. The largest bagel has been
baked. I can't even say that 5 times real fast. Where did it happen?
In Syracuse, NY. Made with over half a ton of dough, 900 gallons of
water and 53 pounds of malt. I can only think that the world's largest
glass of milk is needed. Now, bagels used to be a mystery to me. If
you don't know me I am, by all accounts, the world's pickiest eater,
which is a record in itself. I used to go to work and think that
bagels had nuts in them, vegetables in them, or some kind of weird
cream filling. I would shy away from them, thinking to myself, "where
is the glaze?" Finally I had someone explain to me that they were just
bread. All of a sudden a whole new item was added to my safe to eat
list. Then it happened. I bit into a bagel and it had some kind of
weird fruit. Of course my face is always full of expression when
something like that happens. It's like somehow a food got into my
mouth that wasn't allowed access. It snuck in through a back door. I
have experienced this before with cream filled donuts and supposed
fried cheese that turns into fried okra. I wish there was some way to
tell what's in those pastries that we love to eat. I don't even touch
muffins - cause 90% of the time they have something in them. They're
like distorted cupcakes. I guess the moral of the story is "Be wary of
a bagel or a donut, you never know what you're going to get."

Thought of the Day
"We have a bonus ultra-reality stop today. We're going to be hauling
muffin stumps to the local repository."
"We're going to a garbage dump?"
"And we're off!"
"You know, I never thought he'd be able to recreate the experience of
actually knowing him, but this is pretty close."
- Kramer, a Tourist, and Jerry, in "The Muffin Tops"