Yesterday I discovered something new that my maid does. You know how when you have a tube of toothpaste and after a while the gunk gets around the edges of the tube and almost prevents the toothpaste from coming out. She cleans that as well. So far I have seen her do my laundry, my dishes, organize my garage, organize my closet, hang up my clothes, fold my pants, mop my floor, clean my toilets, make my beds, clean my showers, fold my blankets and towels, and even clean the bottom of my oven. I think I hit it big with the maid situation. Granted it's basically $100 every other week, but in my situation it is worth it. Before the maid, let me take you back to Texas Tech 1994... I had a dorm room the size of a large closet. In this room the floor was covered with clothes and newspapers and papers. The beds were never made, nothing was ever dusted. It was very snug. However as a result I would forget about certain things, like food. I remember the infamous banana that was found buried under the floor when I was moving out. I wondered how it survived so long without smelling. Then there was the roommate situation. I had this big wad of fungus growing in a box filled with blankets and towels. I didn't touch it for a year. It turned into one giant mushroom. What I am saying is that I am really lazy when it comes to housekeeping. I'm a "leave and let lie" kind of guy. But having this maid has shown me the joy of having a clean house. There is nothing like coming home and having your house cleaned. Sometimes I wonder if I really need a wife. After all, what are they useful for if the cleaning is already done? Just Kidding...

Thought of the Day

"You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine. Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench."

- Jerry, describing the B.O. smell in his car, in "The Smelly Car"

This morning I drove into work on fumes. Now I am thinking about how to get to a gas station after work and "can I make it". Almost always I do, simply because the gas gauges on PT Cruisers are always funny. Sure they have a no gas line, but for some reason my car still drives when it is below the line. They should put the line lower on those things. Then when it hits the line the gas will really be out. Well, maybe they shouldn't, because otherwise I'd be walking to work. It's a case where it is better to be lied to. There are other cases where it is better to be lied to. Like when you go to a doctor and your blood pressure is too high - they should say "It is a little inflated". Or when you have to wait in line at amusement parks, those signs should say "45 minute wait from here" instead of "15 minute wait". That way you are happier when the line moves quicker than expected. Or whenever you go to a restaurant and your food isn't brought in time, tell me the chef has quit not "someone dropped it on the floor". Here's a final thought - we have been lied to at least once in our lives. The odds that something that has happened to our food at restaurants and it wasn't told to us are pretty high. Maybe it'll be the next time you go to restaurant...

Thought of the Day

"Remember when you first went out to eat with your parents? Remember, it was such a treat. You go and they serve you this different food that you never saw before. They put it in front of you and it was such a delicious and exciting adventure... and now I just feel like a big sweaty hog waiting for them to fill up the trough."

- Elaine, in "The Chinese Restaurant"

Last night I watched 1984. The movie was actually made in 1984. It was a little boring. There was not much action and the pace of the movie was pretty slow. The acting was really good though. It reminded me of Pink Floyd's "The Wall". I seem to remember in the wall how the hammer people did a similar salute. It all harkens back to the old heil days in the 40s. Now "The Wall" was a good movie. That movie was really a precursor to MTV. It had music set to cartoonie stuff and showed how the characters felt about their music. Most people find it disturbing, but if you watch it solely for the music you won't be disappointed. I remember at Tech they showed it on a theater and turned up the sound system. That was really cool.  I've seen my fair share of disturbing movies or cult movies as they are called. I find that they are more creative than your run of the day movie. There is content that makes you think and it doesn't have a normal plot structure. My favorites would be "Willy Wonka", "Clockwork Orange", "Rocky Horror", "Pulp Fiction" and tons of others. If you like weird, you'll like cult movies.

Thought of the Day

"Is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane a blowing? Not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing. Are the fires in hell glowing? Yes! Yes and it's certainly no showing, any signs that it is slowing!"

"This has gone far enough Wonka!"

"Quite right sir, stop the boat!"

-- Willy Wonka

This weekend was a good Christmas. On Friday I took my mom to the candlelight service at my church. We watched "Elf" in the evening. Elf is a very funny Christmas movie if you haven't seen it. Then on Saturday I woke up at 8 in the morning to come down and turn on my TV for my mom and step-dad and then I went back to bed. When I really awoke at 11 I had breakfast, put on some Christmas music and opened presents. I got a lot of good gifts this year: the original series of Star Trek on DVD, some shirts, a cookie jar, pots and pans, cologne, a Robosapien (a cool toy robot), a nice blanket, a humongous book about architecture, an engraved bible and some money. The presents were good. I started watching the original Star Trek series. That was the best of the Star Trek series IMO. We also watched Christmas Vacation - a classic.  On Sunday mom and Robbie cooked the turkey and my step-brother and his whole family came over for the second day of Christmas. The kids had a lot of presents. Yet, they always gravitated toward my light sabers. It was like," Wow a new toy! Let's play with the light sabers." Dillon also got a chance to play my drum set. He is only 6 and he is better than me. We then finished the evening watching Elf again with the kids. This was the first time since I was 8 that I didn't have to go anywhere on Christmas. It was nice. Now I am back at work getting ready for the big show this Friday night. It's gonna rock.

Thought of the Day

"I'm going play drums so well your head will spin" - My nephew Dillon

It was Christmastime and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring except Kitty chasing a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chiminey with a thumbtack,

In hopes that St.Nicholas would soon empty his sack.

An me in my PJs and Melinda in the bed,

Had just settled down, not really, but waited instead.

And what to my wandering eyes did appear,

But mom and dad scuffling downstairs as I saw from the rear.

They emptied the presents from their hiding places,

Not knowing that I knew all of their secret spaces.

They tried to put together the toys in boxes,

“$%^$ $%^$ $#%^” I heard, as we waited like foxes.

The cookies we left for Santa were all gobbled up.
The eggnog, the milk and cookies, and even the cup.

Mom heard some scuffling upstairs in the room

“Go back to bed kids, or you’ll meet your doom.”

And as we shuffled back into bed,

We knew Christmas was merely in everyone’s head.

But as we all figured and calculated it well

It serves to believe in Santa, including the elves.

I heard mom scream as she turned out the light,

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”

Yesterday we had the Great Blizzard of 04 or as I call it "Tom Tuttle". We got some snow and by tomorrow it will all be melted. Whenever it snows here there is a doomsday mentality among the co-workers. Everybody leaves early, because of the roads. Then everyone talks about not coming in the next day, because of the roads. I now leave my car in front of my house, because of the driveway. I seem to remember as a kid living in Alaska there would be snow from October to May. I remember when we first came to Texas and we realized everyone here was scared of snow we laughed and laughed, but we didn't say anything because school was easily cancelled. I do remember last year we did have bad roads and my car was snowed in at my house. I just couldn't get out of my garage. There was a 3 inch sheet of ice on my driveway and had my car slid it would've slid into a neighbor's house. So how does an adult spend a snowday? By throwing buckets of hot water on his driveway and ice-picking it apart just so he can get to work the next day. It was a comic episode; one of my neighbors was watching me from their bedroom as I was doing it. Every 5 minutes I would come out with another bucket of hot water and throw it on the ice. Then I took a shovel and banged on the ice to get it to crack. Then I even put some lighter fluid on the ice and lit it. That was pretty, but not as effective as I liked. Finally after about 5 hours I made some headway. I was able to cut a tire path all the way to the street. The key was to keep the tires on the path. At the end of the night I was able to get my car out of the garage and park it in front of my house... another victory for the common worker.

Thought of the Day

"Jerry, look how tense you are. You need to take a soak."

"I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria vat you got goin' there."

"Come on, I'm telling you, it's great. I opened up all the windows. The air is cold, the tub is boiling hot. It's like Sweden, man. Sweden!"

- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Hot Tub"

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Bink. Splat. "Waaaa!" That is the sound of my sister running on Christmas Day 1981. Then she stubs her toe and makes her usual graceful fall into some furniture. This seemed to be a ritual of hers that happened every year. Now that I think about it, I bet it happened every day. We just noticed it on Christmas. When I was a kid we usually had at least one relative over for Christmas. I often wonder what they thought about us as we ripped through our presents. It was always cool getting toys and other stuff, although most of the time no one knew what to get us for Christmas. I remember always wanting cool Star Wars toys and getting things like "Spaceman Joe". Other times I would get a whole GI Joe base and I didn't collect any of the characters.  Then there was the same pink nightgown that my sister would get from my great aunt. I think she got it for a couple of years. I remember always wanting a real robot and I remember seeing the blank stares on their faces as there was no way to get it, it kind of sucks wanting something that doesn't exist yet. I remember every year asking my parents if we could open one gift on Christmas Eve because my friends were allowed to. The answer was always no, but every year I still had to ask. In watching the old Christmas tapes I can see how the Christmas opening was orchestrated by my mother - "Brian open this gift first, then your sister opens one" "Melinda don't touch that, that's for Brian" "You all got the same amount of toys" "Brian put that piece of paper in this box". We were always told to write the names down to send everyone a thank you note. That was good, but as I got older I remember always writing them and never getting them. As I got older and my parents got divorced things started changing to where we had to get dressed up after Christmas morning and go over to a hotel. We called that Christmas number 2. That was pretty cool because we felt like we were getting dual presents. All in all Christmas was still fun enough to look forward to every year. At that age we always received the greatest gift of them all, no school.

Thought of the Day

"Are you even vaguely familiar with the concept of giving? There's no grace period."

"Well, didn't he re-gift the label maker?"

"Possibly."

"Well, if he can re-gift, why can't you de-gift?"

- Jerry and George, in "The Label Maker"

Yesterday I did my Christmas shopping for my nieces and nephew at Toy's R Us. This year they are open until midnight. There is something about toy stores that give me the willies. I think just the thought of a million bacteria laden kids touching every toy in the store freaks me out. I can just picture kids sneezing on all of the toys and wiping their hands on everything. "Look mommy a toy". There are some very weird smells there and I don't want to know where they are coming from. Kind of like how I think I could pick up something in the hospital with all of those sick people around. I also get that same feeling at the counter of a pharmacy. Now the homeless people freak me out a little. One of the people there was bit by one on the hand and their hand ended up getting infected. Also, feet really disgust me, the farthest away from the center of the body the less likely they are to be clean. I suppose I have a little of the Howard Hughes disorder in me, except I don't avoid places or clean anything. I just get the willies. Near Christmastime though I guess it's appropriate, everyone is sick anyways. I do remember a fateful Christmas 10 years ago when I was completely sick on Christmas. No one believes you. I got things like "He just wants to get out of Christmas." and "He must've drunk too much eggnog the night before". As you can tell, everyone in my family is weird.  Ah, memories...

Thought of the Day

"What are you looking at? You never seen a kid in a bubble before?"

- Donald the bubble boy, in "The Bubble Boy"

This weekend went well. Like all my first dates it was pretty simple. I figured we'd go to standard dinner and a movie. I picked the dinner, she picked the movie. Let me tell you the dinner was much better than the movie. We went to a local Italian restaurant. The conversation was good. I do like it when they talk a lot, which leaves me room to space out. I know how to ask the trailing questions to keep them talking. Like, "Oh really, how close are you to your family." - That one usually gives me some time. Other times you can tell where they are going with their conversations, especially if something is on their mind. With teachers and what I am discovering to be librarians (she is an elementary school librarian) they really have work on their mind most of the time. In between dinner and the movie we had a couple of drinks. She is also bi-lingual so she reads to kids in Spanish. So, low and behold, we go to see the movie Spanglish. It was bad, way too long, too slow, and too dramatic and basically a girl movie. I am the worst person about making moves. I didn't know how to do the approach to the kiss so this time I just asked her, "Can I kiss you" "You don't have to ask." smooch. Then on Saturday I did some Christmas shopping online - BTW if you use amazon.com use the search bar on this page on the left - I get 4 percent. I went to a friend's party in Deep Ellum on Saturday. He rented out a club and she ended up being there as well. I let my friend drive my car home early and I stayed with her and let her drive me home. We ended up getting to my place at 4 in the morning. This time I was a little more aggressive and didn't ask to kiss her. I get the feeling if I wanted this could end up being a relationship. However, I am always picky about that, probably too picky. I like my women like I like my food - no vegetables and nothing too spicy.

Thought of the Day

"What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?"

- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"

Well, tonight I have the illustrious first date. Although we have met at a couple of parties now so it doesn't really feel like a first date. I'll probably take her out to dinner and a movie, but we haven't hashed that out yet. Last night was guy's night and we went to Bennigans and all of us got the Big Irish. It is basically two burgers put on one bun. I still feel full today. I also repaired my computer as a crash is imminent. I figured I'd buy a new hard drive and transfer it all over rather than lose the data. I also watched the last show of "The Apprentice". Since I have been in many situations where I do interviews and recommend people to be hired and I have been in many situations where I have been interviewed, I could tell who was the best qualified to win .They are always the ones who do win. Experience and achievement are the biggest factors in an interview; education is just a foot in the door. I suppose in the CEO world Ivy League educations and military service are big pluses. Here in the development world experience is needed most. What I don't get is all of the people who were picked to be on "The Apprentice". I suppose they did it to throw in troublemakers and make it more interesting; it doesn't make sense for someone who is a troublemaker to be hired. Also, all the girls' business styles are wicked and backstabbing, no employer in their right mind would hire someone like that. In the end the real candidate they intended to win at the beginning wins, the way Trump really wants it. He tried to mess with her by telling her "You're Fired". He should have said to the winner "You're F...Hired".

Thought of the Day

"He fires people like it's a bodily function."

- George, about George Steinbrenner, in "The Calzone"

I think I will move into the present for this post. Anyways, I have a date this Friday with a girl from my party last weekend. She goes by "The Rules of the Game" very strict. Throwing things out like "I'm glad you called me today, you had till tomorrow to call me", and other such rules. However, I have never understood the so-called rules. There was this girl in college who called me up one time and said "I won". "I won what?" "The game." Then we started going out. I didn't even know I was playing a game. From what I gather Monday or Tuesday calls are mandatory after a date if you want another one. The third date is supposed to be a magical one with at least a kiss involved. Then the call frequency is supposed to pick up from there.  I have only made it more than a month with a couple of girls so all the rules get fuzzy from there. I'm not that much of a player. This date is pretty interesting. For the first time she is the one who seems nervous talking to me. I'm not nervous at all, I'm actually pretty comfortable. That is good because I have a very weird nervous laugh after each sentence. Does anyone else have any "rules" that I should follow?

Thought of the Day

"If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen!"

 -- Garfield

In other news, a 10-year old girl was handcuffed and arrested for carrying scissors in her backpack to school. Another guy who brought garden sheers to school said this," Man, I'm glad I'm not her." The latest on the story is that the police have apologized to the mother. It brings me to wonder about some of the rules that were enforced on us when we were kids. I remember in the Episcopal school during 3-5^th grade we had to wear belts on our pants. I didn't have a problem with it, but I did think it was a stupid rule. I got in trouble in the first grade for going in the out door. I thought it was ridiculous. I also got in trouble to trying to kiss a girl, who decided hurting my family jewels would put a stop to that. There I was lying on the ground in pain and getting a pink slip from the teacher, the girl didn't get in trouble at all.  Then I got in trouble for wrestling in the cafeteria, the teacher never put the word "arm" on the pink slip and I think I got suspended from going on a field trip. At that point I was mad at all my teachers; it was like they had no discernment. Had we not moved to Texas and my parents not divorced I can see me becoming a real troublemaker, a king mixer. Now I know the rules are there for everyone, but some discernment is needed by teachers and cops IMO. People should be able to reasonably tell the intent of the troublemaker. Is it to cut a piece of paper or stab all the classmates? If it is against the rules, don't send them handcuffed to jail. For Pete's sake, whatever happened to detention?

Thought of the Day

"You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."

"The coup de toe!"

- George and Jerry, in "The Tape"

Since I had a big party this weekend I figure I'll talk about my history of parties. Having a birthday at the end of the school year is pretty cool. Sometimes you get the feeling the kids are really looking forward to your party (but you know better). I would always invite 4-8 people over to my house on birthdays. I have always had a core group of friends ever since the first grade. I'd invite some potential core friends to my parties to see if the core group latches on. If they did then the group got bigger, most of the time they didn't. Some of it has been funny. You know those little antics you do as a kid like trying to shave the cat, watching some x-movies, and generally letting your friends smoke and drink (teenage years). It'd start off innocent enough with swimming and pizza and then digress from there. The parties would always be all-nighters with some really bad movies. I remember this one bad movie about a guy who used a spoon to eat everyone's eyeballs. Then another one called "Microwave Massacre" about a guy who cooks people in his microwave and makes sandwiches. Then there was "The Stuff" about killer whipped cream. The x-movies were a little risqué for 7^th - 8^th graders. I am sure the preacher's kids that I invited over still talk about them. They would always hide when my perverted friends and I would watch them. The funniest had to be when we got our step-brother to rent "Ram, Oh". My mom popped it in the VCR to watch it the next day and thought she was going to watch Rambo. She got a surprise. Ah, good times, good times...

Thought of the Day

"I don't have a good apartment for an intervention. The furniture, it's very non-confrontational."

- Jerry, in "The Pez Dispenser"

This weekend was packed full of party goodness. On Friday I went with my Sunday school's class to the local Christmas festival. This is a 3 hour long play starting with Santa and ending with angels flying in the rafters, 3 camels, 2 horses and sheep on stage in the middle of the church. I'm surprised nothing surprising was dropped. It was very good. Last year's show was a little better because it had a big laser show at the end with the resurrection. On Saturday I had to clean my place for the party I was having that night. I really hadn't thought of what I was doing for food or anything and was just playing it by ear. I ended up ordering those party platters from Chik-Fil-A, apparently they were too good. If they were ok some might've been saved for the late party-goers. As a result I ended up ordering pizza as well. I also bought a lot of alcohol. For the first time it wasn't all used in the party. At this party I had three groups of friends: my long time friends, my old co-workers and my band friends. Some of whom brought people I had never met before. Also, this one girl who I am interested in was there (I met her at a party a couple of weeks ago). In all I'd say there was probably 20+ people total who went to my party. Some left early, others came in the middle and at the end all that was left were the couples and a guy no one really knew. Apparently he had been sleeping on magazines in my bathroom and came out of it in the middle of "Office Space". We started watching movies at about 5 in the morning and he strolls into the living room. Apparently he doesn't work well with hints and slept on my chair till 12 the next day. During the movie watching a couple decides to go to bed, but I was unaware. So at about 7 in the morning when it was time for bed I walk into my bedroom and find them sleeping in my bed. My couch is very comfortable, although after sleeping on it for 4 hours my back started hurting. At 12 after everyone had left I knew I couldn't go back to bed. I had too much to do. At 2 I went downtown to do the homeless thing again. This time there were only 9 of us and 300 homeless people. Apparently they opened a new shelter and they have all migrated downtown, luckily we bought enough bologna sandwiched to feed them all. Then I had to quickly get home and go to my work Christmas party at Three Forks. Three Forks is the best steak place in town. It is at least $50 a plate. I ordered the rib-eye and had the best steak of my life. I also discovered margaritas go well with steak. When I got home around 11 I crashed. Almost falling asleep on my chair I drug myself upstairs exhausted and partied out.

Thought of the Day

"Lawrence does anyone at your job ever say - looks like someone has a case of the Mondays"

"No man, no. I reckon they'd get their a@# kicked if they said something like that"

-- Office Space

I went on a couple of adventures yesterday. The first one has to do with Prilosec OTC. That new over the counter heartburn medicine. Since I have GERD I need the good stuff; apparently so does the rest of the world. Wal-Mart - sold out, pharmacy 1 - sold out, pharmacy 2 - sold out, pharmacy 3 - sold out, pharmacy 4 -- sold out. Finally at the end of the evening I pulled into Tom Thumb and low and behold - they had one box left. I felt like Indiana Jones grabbing the golden head hoping there was no booby trap around. Now I can officially say all of North Dallas is cleaned out. Luckily at the first of the year I'll be back on Nexium - the platinum head. The second adventure involves finding an apartment. I went to Bible study last night at a new place and received directions to their apartment. Bible Study is like a social gathering of Sinners Anonymous, it's like a support group that reads. Anyway, this place is located off of 75, the problem is there is construction on Dallas's biggest intersection between 635 and 75. Apparently I missed the exit and went all the way to downtown Dallas. I turned around and headed back and found the exit. More determined than ever I found what I thought was the apartment complex. Since I didn't have a gate code I parked outside the complex and went looking for it. I was able to sneak in the first gate, but the problem was there was a second gate about 100 yards into the complex that I could not climb. So, being 30 minutes late, I actually had to do the unthinkable - run. I ran all the way back to my car, called the apartment on my cell phone and was guided to the apartment. When I arrived, panting and sweating all I could say was, "Hi". Another adventure solved by Indiana Bass.

Thought of the Day

Sallah: Please, what does it always mean, this... this "Junior"?

Professor Henry Jones: That's his name. [points to himself] Henry Jones... [points to Indy] ...Junior.

Indiana Jones: I like "Indiana."

Professor Henry Jones: We named the *dog* Indiana.

Marcus Brody: May we go home now, please?

Sallah: The dog?! You are named after the dog?!

Indiana Jones: I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog.

 --- Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I am having my first annual Christmas party this weekend. It should be fun. I have learned one thing from parties in the past - provide alcohol and they will come. It seems people like free stuff. I suppose if I was on the Apprentice I would win by getting the other team drunk. I don't watch much reality tv, well except for that Big Fat Loser Show, the New Gilligans Island and the Apprentice. However, I am thinking about giving up on them all except for the Apprentice. The big fat loser show has this really annoying girl on there who cries all of the time. It's like all someone has to do is say "How are you doing?" and she'll break down in tears. Then there is this new show about Gilligans Island. It was pretty good till they voted off a real 7 ft tall gilligan called "Gooner". All that is left is a bunch of actors, and I am still wondering why people who are worth over $500 million would come to live on a reality show anyways. I gave up on Survivor a long time ago. The people they pick for those shows are all the same type of type A personality - always on everyone's nerves. I always say, if I want reality I'll go sit in a park and watch people walking by, if I want stupidity, I'll watch reality tv. Then again, I guess I do want stupidity.

Thought of the Day

"I just...can't .... believe.. I've lost all this weight on a tv show about losing weight......Waaaaaa"

-- whiney girl on The Biggest Loser

Today I'd like to talk about Christmas music. Here in Dallas they have a couple radio stations that play Christmas music all of the time. I'm starting to notice a pattern here. Apparently the good Christmas music like Bing Crosby and all those other old dudes was done in the 50s. And then there have been about 100 other artists to cover those songs and try to make money off of it. I can't tell you how many versions of "White Christmas", "Rudolph"," Frosty the Snowman" and "Winter Wonderland" I've heard. I'm thinking about doing a version, but I'll mix it up. I'll make a song about Frosty the Reindeer who had a button nose and all the other reindeer made fun of him. Speaking of Frosty, I was always depressed about it as a kid. Here they all build a real live man and then he goes and melts on them. Talk about trauma. The cartoon does make him come alive again, but that death is terrible. No sacrilege intended but they should've called it "The Passion of the Snowman" instead of "Frosty the Snowman."

Thought of the Day

"I'm melting, I'm melting... What a whirl...."

-- The Wizard of Oz

In other news, an online school that recently gave a cat an MBA is being sued. Investigators paid $299 for a bachelor's degree for Colby Nolan - a deputy attorney general's 6-year-old black cat - claiming he had experience including baby-sitting and retail management. They then decided it was good enough for an MBA.  I'm glad that this is finally uncovered. I really think cats shouldn't have MBAs. I mean getting the BBA is hard enough, but for a cat to do better than me is ridiculous. I wonder what the cat's plans were. Maybe become the official business administer of Meow mix. Or perhaps, get promoted to become the CEO of a catnip factory. I hear they make those cats work nights. It must be tough licking yourself knowing how businesses should appropriate their funds. I can see how Colby will be reminded in board meetings not to rub his bum on the table. I bet I know how he'll get jobs; he'll probably purr and rub the legs of the interviewers. I don't even want to know what he does with the sandbox in the executive sweet.

Thought of the Day

"This is it. I've reached the pinnacle of laziness and gluttony... How depressing. There's no place to go after you've reached the top."

-- Garfield

Check out my sister's husband's website:

http://www.jawbone.com

Apparently his company is doing very well.

Today I'd like to talk about a phenomenon that took place around 1988-89. This phenomenon was forever known to the world as Bassdancing or Bassercising. I was in junior high and it all started with Michael Jackson. I know, I know, you say something like that it usually ends up with the words spiked coke, bedroom and "settle out of court". This time I'm talking about his dancing. Being a strapping young lad I took it upon myself to pretend to dance like him. I remember even as a wee tike I would pretend to dance in front of the TV. We've all done that, haven't we?  Well, once junior high came around it was time for school dances. I thought to myself that this was my moment to shine. Bassdancing is a mixture of moon walking, crotch grabs, John Travolta pointing and lots of twirls. I try to imagine what it must've looked like and all I can do is laugh. It must've been ridiculous. But, it was fun. I remember the first dance I did it at. There I was in a corner doing a couple of twirls. All the other kids were just bobbing their heads and acting cool. Then someone noticed me and all of a sudden I had a group of people around me. They all got in a circle and watched me dance. Then they started to clap their hands and a familiar phrase was created," Go Bass Go! Go Bass Go!" A legend was born. It started to grow. Every school dance I would show up at and people would start chanting "Go Bass Go". It even got bigger. It turned out I didn't need music to do it as long as I could hear the chant "Go Bass Go" so I started doing it in classrooms. Teachers would walk out of the classroom to get something, the kids would chant it and I would get up on top of the table and do familiar twirls and grabs and points. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking, but it was cool to me. I did it all throughout junior high and then when high school came around I just couldn't see a freshman getting the crowd into it so I stopped. Also, my friends always said they were all laughing at me. This could be true, but it was fun while it lasted. Fast forward to my senior year of high school. It was time to unveil my guitar skills at the local talent show. As I'm up on stage a familiar chant can be heard in the audience "Go Bass Go, Go Bass Go." They still remembered...

Thought of the Day

"They're all going to laugh at you. They're all going to laugh at you."

-- Adam Sandler

As the band gets ready for our show on Friday I can think about what it is like to play guitar. I am, as refered to in the guitar world, a noodler or a shredder. A shredder is someone who plays really fast and a noodler is someone who solos all the time. I suppose it is fun for me but for the audience it is a different story. Nowadays guitar is a background instrament. Solos are almost unheard of - IMO it's because they can't play em. I've been to many parties where the music would be 80s music, people would be sitting around listening to the singing and the lyrics, then the guitar solo pops up and they start talking to one another. They are oblivious that the best part of the song is happening. Luckily, other guitar players listen and critique it. In Dallas this is especially true because we actually have a large guitar community. There are usually 2 guitar festivals sometimes more during the year and there are tons of people who show up. We all wear our Hendrix and Vaughan t-shirts and talk about the good ole days, then a famous shredder gets up on stage and noodles for 90 minutes. That's when we are in heaven. People who don't play guitar are like - is this a song? But we know different. It's all about the show, the glory of doing something that most people don't care about, but we do.

Thought of the Day

"The numbers all go to eleven. Look...right across the board."--Nigel Tufnel explaining the volume controls on his amplifiers

"Ahh...oh, I see..."--Marty DiBergi

"Eleven...eleven...eleven..."--Nigel

"And most of these amps go up to ten."--Marty

"Exactly."--Nigel

"Does that mean it's...louder? Is it any louder?"--Marty

"Well, it's one louder, isn't it?"--Nigel

"Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?"--Marty

"[Pause]... These go to eleven."-Nigel

-- This is Spinal Tap

Today is the day. This is the day I release my food rules to you dear public. It is a good idea to save this and give it to your moms. That way when I am over at your parent's house they can cook food I like. Ha. I remember many times people will ask me what I do and don't like. Here they are in no particular order.

1.       No vegetables except for corn, French fries, pizza/spaghetti sauce and V8 juice(not spicy)

2.       I like French fries that are thin, I don't like potatoes so the thinner the fries the better

3.       No fish or anything that is below sea level

4.       Nothing that grows under the ground - see vegetables

5.       No sauces except for - Ketchup, A1, Heinz57, Worcheshire

6.       Nothing hot, medium, spicy, pasty

7.       Not many fruits either, I do like apples, oranges and bananas, all others I don't (except for grape flavored stuff, just no grapes)

8.       I like American Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Swiss and Mozzarella, all other cheeses I don't like

9.       I can eat all kinds of meat except for fish and spicy sausages

10.   I can eat 2 strips of bacon, 3 makes me sick

11.   I can eat eggs scrambled or sunny side up - no hard boiled

12.   Nothing Chinese / Vietnamese except for chicken-noodles combinations

13.   On Mexican food I'll eat tacos(no lettuce) and chicken quesadillas plain(no veg at all)

14.   I will eat all types of Italian food - anything with just meat, bread and cheese, and pizza sauce

15.   I'll eat all types of breads except for bread that has nuts in it, no muffins

16.   No nuts/coconuts, except for peanut butter

17.   No cookies or brownies with nuts in them

18.   No fried okra or anything fried that has vegetables in it

19.   No beer, I'll drink mixed drinks and Smirnoff triple black though

20.   No tea or coffee, I don't like drinks with caffeine - however I will have an occasional coke

21.   No new foods. I hate trying new things, unless they are a meat-cheese-bread combination

And that is all I can think of right now. If it is a questionable I don't eat it. I remember growing up having to fight everyone about what I liked to eat. I remember mom and Melinda eating something disgusting and being very vocal to say "yummy" like that would get me to try it. I was like, good for you; you won't see me eating it though. I remember having to spend 2 weeks at a friend's house when my grandpa died in Alaska. They wanted me to eat their food and I refused the whole time. I ended up in the corner many nights. I was happy to be there, as long as I didn't have to eat that stuff. It is funny though, how I am so big. I eat half of what a normal human does and I am still big. When I get a burger, I eat nothing on it and I still gain weight. Weird.

Thought of the Day

"Eat your spinach"

"No, I don't wanna eat my spinach"

"You ingrate, yous no son of mine, not eating spinach"

"We ain't no relaskions"

"Sure we are, we got the same squeaky eye"

"What squeaky eye?"

-- Popeye