Today I would like to talk about something magical. That something is back hair. It is the bane of human existence. Meant to be covered up. Meant to be shaved and destroyed. As a proponent of back hair I'd like to mention that it is perfectly natural. Now why would I be a proponent? Well, let's just say I have a veritable forest. I often times would get embarrassed to have it, sometimes getting it shaved, one time trying nair. When I got massages I would feel self conscious, hearing "crunch crunch" as the lady massaged my back. The nair incident happened in college. If you ever want to smell burnt hair use nair. Basically you are putting acid on your back. Then last week I stopped in at a local laser hair removal place. They said it would cost about $2500. I asked her if they take insurance. She said,"We take credit cards". Yeah, sure, credit cards = insurance. I don't even want to think about what getting it waxed would feel like. Sometimes they show those in movies. It just looks painful. Having back hair makes me think about not shaving my face. I figure it would be false advertising to shave. Or maybe unbuttoning one button on my shirt to show what I've got. I blame my mother's German roots for this massive influx of hair. I could be a wookie if I let everything grow. Then you have those guys who are not self conscious at all. They are the ones wearing wife-beater shirts in the hot sun. It's like at some point they said screw it, I've got hair and I'm proud. Ha. Now, yesterday as the doc jammed a needle into my back cyst I was thinking "imagine if someone pulled each hair out." Then I realized, imagine if my girlfriend had back hair... I shudder...

Thought of the Day
"Wait a minute. Do I have to ask?"
"Well, I ran out of butter, so I had to borrow yours. Anything else, Mr. Nosey?"
"Why are you buttering your face?"
"I'm shaving with it."
"Oh, Moses smell the roses!"
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Butter Shave"