Today I'd like to talk about something that only males can understand. Something that has been the bane of our existence from childhood. That something is zippers. As I was walking to work this morning I felt a breeze in a place where breezes should not be felt. Had that breeze not been there I am sure I would've embarassed myself later. Ladies, the secret lingo is this, "XYZ PDQ", "The cow is out of the barn, I repeat the cow is out of the barn" or "Your barn door is open". As a kid those phrases would be uttered by classmates as a code to let them know their zipper is unzipped. Zippers can be rather complicated, even if you are 29. It really depends on the angle of the zipper and what type of pants you are wearing. Zippers on jeans have been architected to disallow "accidents" al la something about mary. But zippers on dress pants and khakis apparently never went through such testing. I have a pair of pants I rarely wear as a result. This one time that pair of pants cleverly got in such a position that if I pulled the zipper up I would be in pain and if I pulled it down I would be in pain. I had to get pliers and pull it out. Talk about an ordeal. Then there is the safer method - the button fly. The problem with the button fly is that no one has invented a code for an unbuttoned button. Sometimes just one will be unbuttoned, but it is enough to let the breezes in. I think I'll come up with the code. Let's call it "The latch is off the fence, I repeat the latch is off the fence." or "Your barn door has a hole in it".

Thought of the Day
"Right before he died, he said 'Win one for the zipper.' That man's name was George Zip."
- Airplane 2