Well, it happened. Corporate Red is dead. My band broke up last night, with me leading the way. Over the past couple of months we have faded and I had to be the one to put the nail in the coffin. It was time. I am very sad to see us break up. The guys in Corporate Red will always be like brothers to me. We were very much a family, if maybe a little dysfunctional. It was a friendly break up and I am on good terms with all the members. I had evaluated the situation and knew it was time due to member conflicts and lack of practice and lack of new music and lack of styles meshing. I am feeling depressed right now. I know that everything that I love doing is gone. I love playing in a band, that is gone. I loved my Grandma, she is gone. I loved eating fatty foods, that is gone. I love being in my twenties, that will soon be gone. Over time I can see that God is leading me in a completely different direction than I desired. I feel like I have a control-alt-delete on my life. Like I am being rebooted. I will always remember Corporate Red and the good times we had. From our first show at Across the Street Bar to our last show at Club Clearview. We definitely were a band to be reckoned with. We released two CDs with great music on it. I remember opening up for a national band called "Zebrahead". I remember seeing inside their really cool bus owned by Sony. I remember playing at 2 talent shows in front of thousands of people and I remember even winning 1st place in the talent show. I remember me playing "time of our life" on the violin on stage. I remember even playing the keyboard on our first show. I remember seeing Jay drum like a madman, Kevin sing his heart out, Wayne thump his bass out, and Tito rock his guitar out. I remember signing my first fan's converse shoes. I remember a young fan tell me that when I put the guitar behind my head and played and span around that that was the greatest thing he had ever seen and I was the best guitarist ever. I remember going to LA and getting advice from the music lawyer who discovered Smash Mouth. I remember hearing from fans that my national anthem rendition was the coolest they've heard. I remember signing albums and signing t-shirts while the girls were wearing them. I remember sweating up a storm on stage and getting a wild look in my eye as I start to play our songs. I remember having more fans than the "Feds" who are now signed. I remember seeing hundreds of people at our shows, all screaming for more. I loved it all, even when I fell on stage at the last show. What's next for me? Honestly I don't know. God has been gracious enough to give me two gifts - guitar and programming. I need to do both to live out my passions and be content and happy. How I do them is another story. I've been writing Christian songs and might go that route. However, I wonder what would happen if I unleashed my skills as a blues guitarist to the world. Or I might try the alt.rock style again, or I might try a rock cover band and make it a paying hobby. Job wise I am in flux right now. I am actually stepping up at the IRS right now and am going to create some special projects that teach other developers how to code c# properly. Hopefully that will motivate me, although our team is self-destructing right now and I am not sure that the project I am on will last. However, I am still looking. I have learned a lesson this past year. Personal success should not be based on money but on happiness and job satisfaction. Jobwise, I was much happier making a lot less than I am now. I left a couple of jobs just for the money. It is not worth it to make so much money and not be happy. Believe it or not I might have a job lead to Iraq. Maybe an adventure is just what I need. I could be a traveling consultant or join the peace corp teaching computers as well. The peace corp would be cool, but I'd have to sell my house or rent it out,(not cool). My resume is out there and I vow that I will find my place. I suppose all of this change is causing me an identity crisis. I seem to remember hearing that it happens around this age. My work and band life has just been rotting in plain sight of me and things have to change. The things I love to do are gone. Time to start over. Keep in mind that most of this is just talk, but you never know. Corporate Red will always be the band that almost made it. Check out our site and download our songs. They won't be there much longer.

http://www.corporatered.com/
http://www.purevolume.com/corporatered
http://www.myspace.com/corporatered


Thought of the Day
"All Things Must Pass" - George Harrison