Well this weekend should be filled with guitar goodness. I just got an excellent ticket to see Santana tonight. It is at the 11 row from the stage at the center section($110). It's times like these when I am glad to be living in Dallas, the guitar capital of the world. I say that because we have shredders come to town quite frequently. Eric Johnson can be seen here at least twice a year. Clapton setup his crossroads guitar festival here. Santana is playing tonight and tomorrow night. There is a Stevie Ray Vaughan tribute concert on Sunday I am going to. It has Johnny Lang with Double Trouble(SRV's band) in it. I think Buddy Guy and Jimmy Vaughan will also be there. There are a couple of Guitar Festivals a year where guitar dealers come throughout the country. Steve Vai or Joe Satriani usually show up to those. Guitar Centers in Dallas have Guitarmaggedons every year where all of the shredders come out of the woodwork. A couple of years ago a guy from Dallas won the whole thing. The best guitar show I have ever seen had to be Steve Vai the last time he came to town. It was 3 hours of technique and showmanship. Although Crossroads guitar festival had more time, it didn't have as much technical prowess as 3 hours of Vai. On Saturday I also will get together and jam. In other news I watched the PBS special on Bob Dylan this week. I think he was smart songwriter. People called him a genius, but I think he was great at being vague. He always seems to write in a stream of consciousness kinda way. I wonder if I spelled consciousness write. I guess the spellchecker will figure it out. Uh oh, I bet it won't figure out that I used write instead of right. Oh well I guess I better put up a thought of the day. I wonder if I repeat myself in this blog a lot. I bet I have used at least one "thought of the day" twice. I wonder if I will be able to post to my blog when I am in Czech? It can be kind of a travelling blog. Anyways without further adieu, live from the internet, done 40 years ago, like a ham eating spam outta the can....

Thought of the Day
You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows. Don't follow leaders watch the parkin' meters.
Bob Dylan

Hmm, so I have been thinking about the ole "hypnosis" diet and exercise plan. I know I am pretty susceptible so whatever they would say I would probably do. Therein lies the problem. What if the hypnotherapist says,"and you will give me all your money and account information". Maybe I should take a hidden recorder in with me to the office. Then I will know what he says, cause sometimes they say "you will not remember a thing". Supposedly it works on some people and not others. Really hypnosis seems to be just a preliminary step to get into a gym and suggestions to develop healthy habits. Or maybe it is wacko science. When I was at Texas Tech we had a guy come every year to hypnotise the students. I think his name was Tom Delucca and he would set up his stuff in the gym for our fall festival. Hundreds of students would come in and he would select members from the audience. He then made everyone do crazy stuff like pretend they had no clothes on or whenever someone said chicken the other person would cluck. It was funny. The hypnotist would say,"I'm hungry for some chicken" and the person would go "Baaawk". It was pretty unbelievable. A lot of people said he musta had actors play the part, but some people know those that were selected and said that it had worked. In the end I concluded that half of the people selected were paid to pretend to be hypnotized while the other half was unsuspecting victims. So I figure why not try hypnosis - it does cost 338 for 5 sessions at 1 to 2 hours a session. Is that a rip off? If it doesn't work it definitely is a ripoff, but if it does is that a good price? I can see him implanting the chicken suggestion. I'll be at work and start clucking out of nowhere. Bawwwk!

Thought of the Day
"Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way... 'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.' "
- Kramer, in "The Fusilli Jerry"

Well, I'm back from the Docs. A little wiser I suppose. I, being of a portly stature, have some health problems related to having such a fine physique. I know being big boned or hefty is supposed to be some kind of bad thing. I look at it as a deterrent against superficial women. The doc always gives a little speech. This time he said," We can take care of this blood pressure problem in two ways - you do something about it or I do(meaning meds)." So I was able to get by without meds this time, but in 6 weeks I go back to the docs so I need it to go down. It was 140/110, which I guess is high. At my last checkup when I had lost 15 pounds and was exercising my BP was 128/78. I guess since I have gained it all back(thanks Jarad) all my old problems have come back. The doc also gave me some prescriptions for my psoriasis on my scalp. Apparently I have been scratching a couple of areas on my head so much that I have been loosing some hair there. I told him I need handcuffs to stop from scratching so he gave me some cortisol and medicated shampoo. That should clear that up. The key to good blood pressure seems to be diet and exercise. My doc suggested I wake up early and go to the gym before I go to work. Did I just hear an oink coming from the sky? I used to go before I went to bed at midnight. When I was on the subway diet I was able to go right after work around 5. I suppose I could start it up again. I think I will try the hypnosis diet this time. I seem to remember a study done that said it was effective. I just have to finish my chocolate/cookie dough ice cream with chocolate syrup before I start dieting. Maybe I should go to msn.com and apply to be on "The Biggest Loser 3." I can see it now - "Work it Brian, Work it!" I just have to remember to cry whenever I loose a pound. They cry so much on that show it should be called "The Biggest Cryer". I lost a pound WAAAH.

Thought of the Day
"Guess what I ate!"
"An ostrich burger?"
"No, a $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman got it at the Duke and Duchess of Windsor auction. It's the most romantic thing I've ever eaten."
- Elaine and George, in "The Frogger"

Today was passport day, of which it soon became birth certificate day. Apparently you need your original birth certificate or a certified copy just to get a passport. So before I even apply to get my passport I have to go through hoops just to get a birth certificate. I have a feeling I am not going to get it. It is weird being born in the town of Virginia, the county of St.Louis and the state of Minnesota. For one, Virginia is a state and St. Louis is a town in Missouri. To top it off my parents didn't even live in Virginia,MN. They lived in Hoyt Lakes. Growing up I could never figure it all out. I thought I was born on a lake. I remember telling some kids I had no idea where I was born and they thought I was adopted. I milked their sympathy for a while and then told em it was somewhere in Minnesota. I think I still got sympathy. I am giving 75% odds that I will get everything taken care of before I go to the Czech Republic.(I suppose if I don't I won't go) Also, Minnesota requires a notarized letter saying I am who I say I am. I can see how that would work except for the notary didn't even see my driver's license, he just wanted the number. I could've been Billy Bob and taken someone else's identity. If you want to know how to do it just ask for a birth certificate from another state. However, they do have to mail the certificate somewhere so I guess they could catch you. In other news, tomorrow will be "yearly checkup day". I like springing things on the doc to keep him on his toes. That cyst thing was last time. I suppose I could've lived with it, but it is good to get things taken care of. Even minor things. Everyone seems to think I need to take blood pressure medicine again. I am one of those "borderline" guys that is at risk for a heart attack. Well, if I do keel over I want you all to know this, you need a birth certificate to get a passport.

Thought of the Day
"I happen to dress based on mood."
"But you essentially wear the same thing all the time."
"Seemingly, but within that basic framework there are many subtle variations only discernible to an acute observer that reflect the many moods, the many shades, the many sides of George Costanza."
"And what mood is this?"
"This is morning mist."
- George and Jerry, in "The Trip"

You ever come to work and someone notices how you and your co-worker are wearing the exact same thing? For instance, today I am wearing dockers with a red golf shirt. My boss is wearing the same thing. I think we look like Circuit City employees. Someone invariably says,"Are you twins?" and then I always say,"Didn't you get the memo?" The common geek style is golf shirts and dockers. That is defined as real "Business Casual". At my last job the common style was button up shirts and dockers. That is defined as "Smart Business Casual". I do remember reading some article about how our geek style of golf shirts is out of style. If I was a metrosexual then I might be concerned. At the IRS it was a combination of Smart and Geek styles. There were at least one set of twins everyday. The common thing being wearing single color button shirts with dockers. For instance I had red, green and black shirts, so the odds are it would happen. Girls OTOH don't seem to have that problem. I think for them if someone else wears the same thing they have to go back and change. With guys we are like, cool I am glad I am not the only one. In other news, this weekend I got zero inches of rain and was stuck on the hurricane coverage all Friday night. I really think the media loves to blow things out of proportion, even before something happens. If I never hear the word "devastation" again I'll be happy. On Saturday I jammed with the remnants of my band and we brought in a praise and worship singer. He was pretty good. I can picture us being a band like Third Day or Caedmon's Call. I hope it sticks, that'd be cool to be in a band again. Saturday night I went to Macaroni Grill(Italian) and bowling with my Sunday School. I got at 111 and had to tell everyone about the "Patch" that I never got. Sunday I did the usual. This time when I was feeding the homeless a cult stopped by to help out. They called themselves Millennium 3. It was a weird thing. They brought food and everything and made it a contest to feed 100 people in 1 hour. Then they had to get back to their "Learning Center". Some girl in the cult then hugs me goodbye like we were family. I never even talked to her. Something is really weird with that. I think it was the ole "Franklin Covey" cult on steroids. People pay $2,000 to learn how transcend their minds. What hooey. They told me their group was from all around the country. Like it was "the group to be in". Why don't they give me $2000 and I'll teach them anything they want to know. Then I went home and watched the Cowboys win and Family Guy. Now that's transcending my mind. Go Cowboys!

Thought of the Day
"So you're angry that this bizarre carpet cabal made no attempt to abduct you?"
"They could've at least tried."
"You know, maybe they thought you look too smart to be brainwashed."
"Please."
"Too dumb?"
- Jerry and George, in "The Checks"

Everyone needs to panic. We are probably going to get 1 to 3 inches of rain here. This is devastating. I don't know how we will survive. Last night my car, needed gas. I know because it goes below the line and starts beeping at me. Normally that's OK and on guys night I just stop in at the the local 7-11 and get gas. But in going through the apocalypse now I guess it is harder to do. I go to the first gas station and I am telling you these gas stations around here are huge. 12-14 lanes of pumps. All of them were taken with lines for each of them. Fine, I decide to try another gas station. After braving 100,000 cars I hit another gas station. This time there aren't as many cars. There was a reason. They were out of all their gas except for premium. I said, screw it, I'm going to fill up. Then I go to Best Buy and get a new mp3 player. I got a very thin IRiver that holds 6 gigs, an FM radio, a photo viewer and is compatible with windows media player all for $50 less than the 4 Gig Ipod Nano. I am happy with it, especially since it plays most of my MP3's without having to do any kind of conversion like the IPOD and Napster players do. I've already filled it up with over 1000 songs. Then we go to Chili's and have their very good burger. As we drive back to my house I notice that the gas station I was at had bags over all of their pumps. Yeah, I'd say people are panicking. Right now I am at the office and 2 of my co-workers are "working from home" because of the roads. But somehow I was able to brave it out and get to work. Actually there were less cars on my road than normal. I think because the routes to work are not the ones where everyone is on. My co-worker who has friends coming from Houston says he expects them in the afternoon, 35 hours after they left Houston. That's got to be some kind of world record for slowest commute. It is almost claustrophobic the way Dallas is becoming infiltrated by these Houstonites. I used to have clear driving near my house. It just feels more cramped with multiple stops at stoplights. I had to shout out my window last night as I was driving near the gas station,"Go back To Houston!"

Thought of the Day

"Well, my swimming pool problems are solved. I just found myself miles and miles of open lanes."
"What is that smell?"
"That's East River."
"You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?"
"Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage."
"How could you swim in that water?"
"I saw a couple other guys out there."
"Swimming?"
"Well... floating. They weren't moving much, but they were out there."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Nap"

So I've been watching this Hurricane Rita stuff on TV and have been obsessing about that. I appears to be the third windiest hurricane in history. However I have a prediction. I think it is going to hit right near the Texas/LA border. I think it will diminish and won't cause that much damage. But it is better to be safe than sorry. I know people who have family that are leaving Houston right now. One person says his family is staying. That is probably a bad idea. Another person's friend is stuck in traffic going 9mph leaving Houston. He says that people are stopping their cars in the middle of the road and are hopping out to get gas. It should take them 12-15 hours to get to here from Houston. Dallas is expected to get some rain. We need it. It has been in the 100s this week and my grass is turning yellow. (I suppose I could water it, but that'd be work). Everyone is running scared about this Hurricane. I reminds me of whenever it snows in Dallas - about once every other year. Everyone gets scared on the roads. When I first came to Texas from Alaska I couldn't help but laugh at the wimpy Texans afraid of the snow. But then I realized something. Because everyone was afraid school would be canceled. They never cancelled school in Alaska. I remember we had a blizzard of 60 below zero and I was walking to school in 20 feet of snow with a flashlight because of the darkness. Big hurricane, ha.

Thought of the Day
"Why don't you go out. It's nice out."
"Oh no, there's nothing out there for me."
"There's weather."
"Weather. I don't need weather. Weather doesn't do it for me."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Virgin"

Have you ever had one of those days when you drive to work and forget your exits? It's only morning and I have forgotten where I was going twice today. I went past the highway near my house and had to turn around and then I went past the exit to work and had to turn around. I wasn't thinking about anything important either. I was thinking of building a 2 Terabyte machine that will hold and stream my DVD's to my future cellphone - the N91 (a 4 gig mp3 player with a 2 megapixel camera phone). Sometimes I think my thinking is internalized and I miss the world around me. I didn't miss it just now when the fire alarms went off in the building. This is the second time in 3 months we have had fire drills. I remember at the IRS we had 2 drills in the 9 months I was there. Here we only had to walk across the street. At the IRS we had to walk about half a mile away from the building before they let us come back in. I was on the 6th floor and had to walk those stairs. Then they would prove their discrimination by letting all of the permanent employees in the building first while us contractors waited in the heat. Contractors are always thought of as the fall guy. However that makes us more accountable and better workers than perms because if we don't perform we can easily be fired. Anyway after having walked up three flights of stairs I am now exhausted. I watched the biggest loser last night. I don't know if I am going to watch it again. There is too much crying in that show. I guess I should start crying right now cause I made it up 3 flights of stairs. What an achievement.

Thought of the Day
"There's no crying in baseball." - some Tom Hanks movie

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"

]RUN
HELLO WORLD

That was the first program I ever did in my life. I was 9 and in the third grade. The classic "Hello World" program is always used in every language. Even in my new language, BLML, I have a "Hello World" program to introduce to people.

<console value="Hello World" />

I wonder why those particular words are used. I think it denotes optimism or a false sense of doing something fantastic. In reality Hello World is just being printed on one computer screen. But to the new programmer it is like, yeah I just told the WHOLE world Hello. I've got power now! So I guess since I am writing this on the internet I am now really telling the world hello.

Hello World.

Thought of the Day
"What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"
"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
"Well, I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."
"No, no, I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be."
"Well, I'm just trying to get ahead."
"I'm sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."
"I don't even really work here."
"That's what makes this so difficult."
- Kramer and Mr. Leland, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

All eyes were on my sexy legs at the funeral. Now that I've got your attention let me expound on the trip or as I like to call it - "A Funeral Story". It's like "A Christmas Story" only it has more tragedy. The one thing I can say about Bass's and even my mother is that we all know how to be inappropriate. It is a gift I suppose. A skill that is handed down genetically from father to son and mother to son. From what I know it goes back to Grandpa. In talking with mom she said this one time when her, my dad, and my grandpa were at the country club that grandpa made sure to tell everyone that dad needs to spray deodorant on all his regions. The key to this gift is to make sure that someone else feels uncomfortable and the gift is in not knowing it. Let me take you back to the start.

My maid, Belinda, is a great maid. She warshes and hangs up my clothes, something she is not supposed to do (I slip her a little something extra). Apparently she hung up my black shorts next to my black pants. I seem to remember noticing but still taking them anyways. Suffice it to say I never took any dress pants with me. So when I got to the hotel I had nothing to wear. I went with the "English Schoolboy" or "AC/DC" look: black dress shoes, black socks, black shorts, a white long sleeve shirt with a tie and a suit coat. All I needed was a black cap to top it off. I felt bad about it, but then realized I couldn't do anything about it. The family was ok with it but I got some looks from the preacher and others. Every time I would shake someones hand their eyes would go straight down to my shorts. So I trudge on knowing that at least I wasn't naked. There we sit. Grandpa was in WWII so they had an honor guard there and it was pretty cool. Before the funeral started I got the feeling that everyone was supposed to be quiet. Apparently dad never got that feeling. First he asked mom,"What kind of alcohol do you drink? I'm going to get some after the funeral." "Brian, what kind do you drink." "7 and 7", I say as mom is poking me in the side and trying to stop from laughing. Then the funeral "officially" begins. It is a good funeral. I read a passage from the bible. Ron got up and gave a good speech. I did as well, although I fumbled for some words. Mom did, she also told everyone how she gave me crosses to give to homeless. I think somehow she was able to tie it in with Grandpa and make us feel uncomfortable at the same time. She ended with a very good poem about veterans that she had wrote. Dad said a quick couple of sentences and then the honor guard folded up the flag and gave it to dad. At the end of the funeral I think dad mentioned that we were all going to cocktail hour later and the preacher was like,"I'm not going" in a joking manner.

All was well and it was good to talk with everyone. Grandpa and Grandma's drink was scotch and soda. I guess it is a tradition to drink whatever that person's drink was so we all tried it. I had a sip and politely gave it back. It seems that side of the family only sees and talks to one another at funerals and on Christmas. Christmas is a lot more cheerful. Then dinner happened. After dad said lets all go to "A boo ellos" or Abuelo's we decided to go there. Then mom got sick. I don't mean sneezing either. She was shaking and kept on saying let's wait for the meal. I think they gave her some orange juice to tide her over. She then proceeds to shisk at the table. I am so lucky I am sitting at the opposite end of the table or there would have been a repeat performance. I'd like to thank Mom, Dad, and Robbie for my clinical emetophobia. I am afraid of it in all forms and without ya'll throwing up at least once a month ever since I was a child I don't know what I'd do (except relax more). They say exposure cures it. Yeah right. Anyways, I take mom back to the hotel in a really nice Lexus RX. Those cars are super-comfortable. I think that may be my next vehicle(maybe next year). I drop her off and then go back to the restaurant. Apparently cold fajitas aren't that good. I love it how if you want more cheese they never bring it(it's happened before). Anyways nothing inappropriate happened after that. Which is what is the most relaxing. I think it is because I get uncomfortable whenever something out of the ordinary happens. I should be used to it by now. Heck, I even get embarrassed while watching sit-coms when a person lies and tries to talk themselves out of it.

Anyway. I get in the hot-tub and relax that night. Then I get a call from a shivering mom at 3:30 in the morning. I ask her if she needs to go to hospital and she refuses. She wanted me to bring her some aspirin. Luckily I had some aleve with me. The front desk said they didn't sell any aspirin because of liability. Whoever heard of suing the front desk for faulty aspirin? I then go back to bed, worry about mom, and sleep till 11. Apparently checkout was 11. Luckily when I go downstairs to leave mom is in the lobby dressed and ready to go. It was like night and day. She was weak but was not in the same state. Anyways, as we drive back to Wichita Falls I start sneezing. Apparently all this stress gave me a cold. So I stay in Wichita for about 3 hours and then drive back home. The second I get back home my sneezing stops and all is well. I think I know what it is. I am allergic to funerals.

Thought of the Day
"I can say two things about Dad. He was always pleasant to be around, even up to the very end and he always provided for me and my sister."
Dad's Short Soliloquy - I've got it memorized

An event has happened this week that has been good. I have been given an extra half hour a day. Basically there has been a road that has been in construction for years right by my house called the Bush Tollway. They finally finished it on Friday and let cars go through. The great thing about this road is that it is right by my house and ends up right where I work. It used to take me 30 minutes to get to work, now it takes me 15 minutes. I used to have 12 separate stoplights to go through to get to work. Now I have 1. The only thing is it costs me $1.80 a day to go through those tolls. But if you look at it in the concept of time is money it is well worth it. The lanes are wide and it doesn't have much traffic. My house is in a perfect location. I can get anywhere in Dallas in 15-30 minutes. I have 4 major highways encircling my house, I-35, 121, North Tollway, and Bush Tollway. Of which I can go in any direction quickly. I can even go back to Wichita Falls in exactly 2 hours, whereas it used to take me 2 1/2 hours when I lived on Preston. It also allows me to take jobs almost anywhere in the city. However, the closer the better. I suppose if I wanted to I could go home for lunch now. Half of the hour would be spent in driving, but the other half I could eat and take a nap. I might try that one of these days. It reminds me of when I used to live right next to AT&T. I would walk to work from my apartment. It was useful, especially since they would have a yearly party at the building with margarita machines and Hooters girls.

Thought of the Day
"Anywhere in the city?"
"Anywhere in the city. I'll tell you the best public toilet."
"Okay. Fifty-Fourth and Sixth."
"Sperry Rand Building. Fourteenth floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention my name, she'll give you the key."
"Alright. Sixty-Fifth and Tenth."
"Are you kidding? Lincoln Center. Alice Tully Hall, the Met. Magnificent facilities."
- George and Jerry, in "The Busboy

If I told you I was on the Texas Texas Tech bowling team you'd probably think I was good. Then if I told you I've bowled 7 over 200 games with a high game of 227 you'd probably think I was really good. I could just leave it at that. Reality is I ain't that good. My games would go like - 99,198,87,150,140,120. I just could never get that spin down. I also had a habit of dropping the ball straight on the ground with a loud thud. I can't tell you how many people on the Tech Bowling team gave me advice. Most of them were fans of the ole "curve" ball so I was taught how to do it. However, I never did it right. The best thing about being on the team was the free bowling. I would bowl 21 games a day. I would study and bowl at the same time. Benz and Mr.T joined me in the hoopla and it was pretty cool. Too bad I didn't get better. We went with my old story about getting "patches" for getting past things like a 50,100,150 and 200. These patches were invisible but it reminded me of my old failure as a kid to break past 50. I remember my first game above 200. It's like all of a sudden the blind squirrel has found his nut. I was like, yeah I'm good, woot. Then the next game I bowl a 120 and people look at me like I am crazy. On another note, it looks like I got some stuff wrong about my grandpa. I found his real obituary here:

http://www.legacy.com/oklahoman/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=15083804

Thought of the Day
"You know what? They got the fudge on the bottom - ya see? That enables you to control your fudge distribution as you're eating your ice cream."
- Jerry, eating a sundae, in "The Airport"

Hmm, well what to talk about today. I watched Jerry Lewis in Family Jewels last night. I like his brand of humor. It is simple yet funny. He is kind of like Mr.Bean, only better. I also watched some "bloopers" show on TV. Bloopers have to be the coolest. Simply because it seems so unrehearsed. You all can tell a lot about a star in bloopers than in any other situation. Cause they know they mess up and it won't be aired - or so they think. So there will be the mom in at tv show and she will flub her lines and be like "Oh S***". Your like, "wow I didn't know Mrs.Poole swore" Speaking of swearing I saw the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie this weekend. I didn't know they all had potty mouths on the show. I must've missed that as a kid. In reality they didn't swear and that is what made the movie so out of place. Roscoe and Boss hog wasn't funny either. Nevertheless it did have the General Lee in it and it was funny when they drove around Atlanta and stopped in a black neighborhood with a confederate flag on their car and was about to get beat up. I'd give it 2 out 5 stars.

Thought of the Day
"You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist. You see, right now I have Relationship George. But there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."
"I love that George."
"Me too, and he's dying. If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!"
- George and Jerry, in "The Pool Guy"

I am sad to say my Grandpa Bass passed away this weekend. He was 98. Wow, I probably really knew him for say 20 years of my life. That is less than one fifth of his. The funeral will be on Friday so I will go to OKC to be with my family. He was my last grandparent left. I did look up to him as a cool self-made man who showed that capitalism does work, which inspired me to be a better person and become a self-made man myself. He was pretty cool and was very witty. He came from a long line of pioneers and had that kind of spirit in him. The Bass pioneering spirit comes from Saffron Walden, Essex, England. In 1630 a 30 year old man named Deacon Samuel Bass set sail to Roxbury, MA and ended up living the rest of his life in Braintree, MA. Deacon Samuel Bass died at the age of 94 with 162 descendants.(They sure did multiply back then) His son John married Ruth Alden the daughter of John Alden from the Mayflower. Then a line of Samuel Bass's can be seen, fighting in the Revolutionary war and active in the church of the time. In 1845 Josiah Quincy Bass was born in Ohio. He was my grandpa's grandpa. (see here) Josiah Bass left Ohio and went on one of the great Oklahoma land runs in the late 19th century that founded Oklahoma City. His son Harry Boylston Bass (Grandpa's father) owned his own furniture shop in OKC in the early 1900s. George W. Bass was born in 1907. He met my grandmother and went to college at Oklahoma State. He then enlisted in the Army and served in WWII. I believe he was in intelligence and was one of the photographers in Germany. He'll tell you the story about how he had 19 years and 9 months of military duty and how he got out just before the Korean war began, missing his 20 years to get military retirement. He then formed George W. Bass Insurance and proceeded to sell property insurance up until he retired. He is survived by my Dad William S. Bass, my Aunt Linda, me, my sister Melinda, my Half Brother Ron Bass and 2 great grand-kids. That's 7 Descendants. Compared to 162 you can see a big difference in the cultures of the day. I will always remember his suits. He had tons of different multi-colored suits and ties. He always wore a golf cap as well. He was a very likable guy. He was pretty cool. I'll miss you grandpa.

Ok, I am a geek. So it comes no surprise to anyone that I am on a quest for a bit of nostalgia. More precisely the medical readout that hangs on the wall in the original Star Trek. This piece of memorabilia is nowhere to be found. I must be the only one who thinks its cool. I think it would be cool to actually hook this thing up and hear your heart beat and see your medical stats while you are sleeping. You could even put a hard drive in the thing and have it record everything. I guess it is like one of those monitors in a hospital, except it is pleasing to the eye. Especially that bong bong noise it makes when the heart is beating. There was one episode of Star Trek where the guy could control his heartbeat. You hear "bong bong bong" really fast then he stops it completely and freaks out the nurse. That was pretty cool. It'd be cool to do that too. Since I sleep in a forest with crickets by the ocean the bong bong bong would just add to the ambiance. In other news there are a lot of things happening in the world, but most notably the start of football season. This is going to be a good year with the Dallas Cowboys going to the Super Bowl and Texas Tech winning it all. So far there hasn't been any bad news like there's been the years before. No player is hurt and no player is getting kicked out. That's a good way to start. It reminds me of a joke.
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
or
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

Thought of the Day
"If it's not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate."
"You're not very bright, are you?"
"No I'm not. I would like to be, but I'm not."
- George and Jerry, in "The Couch"

BTW - This is my 300th post in this blog. Wow, do I really talk that much?

So there is an article on farting at fark today. Farting is a skill that some people acquire and others are born with. I remember the infamous words of my step-dad,"My side tooted." Now the fact that know one knows what "my side" is, is not as important as the fact of the word "tooted". Growing up I learned,"Beans, beans the more you eat the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel, so let's have beans for every meal." Thank God I don't like beans. Peetey is known for the "queen mother". Mr. T is known for his SBDs - "silent but deadly." Me, well I guess I am a mixer of all sorts. I am known for saying ,"it wasn't me!" He who smelt it, dealt it. Some people, like Randy, I think have some kind of milk intolerance. Others just eat the wrong food, aka "Jeff". Women are probably the sneakiest. I think it stems from the way they walk. They can let things slide out as opposed to making the cheeks vibrate in harmonious unison of the announcement of methane leaving the body. However, they are still stuck with the smell. I believe it was a blind date that Jeff and Peetey went on when the women declared that they had "tooted" at the dinner table. Gas was very common at my home growing up. I remember a video was made about mom sitting on one side of the couch Robbie on the other side and his leg would lift and a horrendous noise would ensue, gas would come out and a loud," MY SIDE TOOTED!" could be heard throughout the land. Mom, who always prepared with the glade would then spray it in the air and say,"How Uncouth!" This would happen a couple of times a day. I am surprised there is any paint left in that house...

Thought of the Day
"You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine. Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench."
- Jerry, describing the B.O. smell in his car, in "The Smelly Car"

So anyway, I am tired. I ended up working 13 hours yesterday and really didn't want to. Sometimes I have the time and need the money. This time I was like, I don't want to do it and don't need the money. But unfortunately when you put your code out in a user testing environment you need to make sure everything goes smoothly. I was the one with all of the bugs. It's kinda embarrassing when you put in bad logic. Most of it was little things like getting a variable mixed up, or a copy and paste error. Anyway, I ate dinner ( a cheese sandwich) last night at midnight and forgot rule number 1 - never feed me after midnight. Just like in gremlins I become a monster. Actually that is when heartburn happens the most. I ended up waking up coughing up acid cause it crawled into my lungs when I was sleeping. What really sucks is you can eat tons of tums and it still won't do anything. Probably because the acid is in the throat and lungs and all of those medicines work on the stomach. There should be some kind of inhalant that stops heartburn in the throat and lungs. Hmm, I should patent that and make a fortune. Needless to say I probably fell asleep around 3:30. So I am now a walking zombie. I make a point of not shaving on those days after I work really late. It subconsciously gives the signal to people that I need to not work as much. That's the theory anyways. I watched a movie about 9/11 last night when I was eating. I do feel sorry for Bush. I can't remember any president that's had the country go through as much tragedy as the past 6 years. The techno bubble burst, 9/11 happened, a couple of wars, a big tidal wave and now this hurricane. It's a weird perspective. After watching DC 9/11 I can see how big a deal it was at the time, but it pales in comparison to recent events. Yet our current response seems to be not as patriotic. It's like the country is tired as well. Maybe we should declare a week long holiday where no one works. We don't need a Labor Day. We need a Labor Week. Who's with me!

Thought of the Day
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round..."
"The woman across the block has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on..."
"The washers on the bus go woosh woosh woosh, woosh woosh woosh..."
"The woman across the block has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on..."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Contest"

And now for the weekend update. On Friday I took it easy and watched TV. I ended up watching the classic "A Fiddler on the Roof" in HDTV. I think I have almost seen all of the activist movies of the 60s and 70s. I've seen the Beatles Movies, Jimi Hendrix movies and Easy Rider. Apparently all that is left is to read "On the Road" and get me a motorcycle. I often wonder if the culture of the 60s is coming back. I noticed at the mall the other day how classic rock t-shirts seem to be in style now. The popular shirts seem to be Beatles, Jimi Hendrix and Pink Floyd t-shirts. I was thinking about why that is and then I realized that there was rock in the 60s,70s,80s and 90s but none in the 00s. I think Rock is officially dead. Now all we see are classic rock reminiscences. The only thing pop-culture has is rap, techno, pop singers, and acoustic rock bands. Its sad. On Saturday I went and gave blood. It was cool cause they called me in the morning and setup an appointment for the afternoon. When I got to the red cross there was a huge line of people waiting to give. When I told them I had an appointment I was shuffled to the front of the line as a VIP. That was cool. Then I went to get my Tux for the wedding on Monday. Then I decided to try and volunteer to help out the flood victims so I went to the Salvation Army in downtown Dallas. They said they didn't need my help just yet and asked me to sign up to volunteer and they would call me. So I guess you can say I joined the army. Saturday night Mr.T came over and we made some sandwiches for the handout on Sunday. I did the usual on Sunday. I thought there would be more Hurricane victims at the shelter, but there wasn't any new faces. I think they were all at the stadiums. Monday was the wedding for Corporate Red's drummer. I was an usher. I am getting good at ushing. This was my 4th wedding to be an usher. It was a very standard wedding. Although no alcohol. I think that's the big thing nowadays. I remember going one Texas wedding were Coors light was the main beverage. Then there was my sister's with a Champagne fountain. Unfortunately at this one there wasn't any good looking single girls. I almost caught the garter but was intercepted by a kid. A funny moment happened when the groom was listening to vows. He was smacking on gum we had given him in the waiting room. Wayne was pointing towards his mouth and I almost started laughing. I think he ended up swallowing it.

Thought of the Day
Kramer - "You've got three pints of Kramer in you, buddy!"
Jerry - "I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing things from my blood."
- Jerry, in "The Blood"

Since I talked about my first girlfriend last post I shall continue on. Now technically I didn't have another one until my junior year of high school. And to be really technical I went on dates from my junior year on but didn't have a girlfriend till my freshman year in college. But I did have many a crush. There was Shayna, Carmela, Laura, Sky, and some others. I always liked blonds, redheads, class beauties and generally any girl that was nice to me. The problem was I was so nerdy and insecure I never got a chance. I was the classic nerd who loves cheerleaders. Led on by all those feminine ways, yet too shy to do anything. You ever think if you could go back in time you would go back and slap yourself in the face and say,"what're you doing?" Eh, I had fun anyways despite my lack of fortitude. My freshman year there was an incident at a band dance when the band went out of town. Apparently there was this good looking girl that my band-mates got to dance with me. I basically said ok. They watched me and told me to put my hands on her lower back as a bet. I of course did that. After the dance was over they all said to me how her dad was chief of police and he was gonna get me and how she was in 7th grade. It was weird. I then proceeded to walk slowly towards the band bus... I didn't even know the girl. Nothing happened and time moves on... At the end of my freshman year I met this girl at Six Flags who lived in Oklahoma. It was a group dating kinda thing. I think her name is Krystal. I don't really remember getting a kiss, but we held hands and she would scream out "contractions" on the roller coasters together. We wrote each other love letters for a little while. Then it seemed kinda stupid so I stopped. My sophomore year I did have my first kiss. That was with Peetey's attraction, Kristin, on my birthday. It was a pity kiss and she had been drinking so it tasted like beer. My sophomore or junior year I did go to a couple of dances with girls like Krystal and Kristina. Krystal was an interesting girl. The problem with her was she liked to talk on the phone a lot. I seem to remember really trying to hang up but she wouldn't give me the opportunity. Finally after a couple of dates I said, this just isn't working out. The problem with dances was my reputation preceded me and I would still hear the old chant of "go Bass go, go Bass go" as I got on the dance floor. I think it embarrassed my dates. I then had to explain to everyone that I wasn't Bassdancing anymore. Kristina was my junior year crush. I went to the prom with her. Unfortunately it was a "as friends" kinda thing. I was her second or third choice as all her other dates fell through. Mary was my senior year prom date. I think I mentioned her in a previous post. How we had too much in common and she said I was like a brother and then proceeded to go out with Peetey afterwords. And that is my dating experiences in high school. Looking back I can see that I was an idiot and had no reason at all to be insecure. But I did have good times with my friends, and that is what high school is really all about.

Thought of the Day
"The guy is unconscious in a coma and you don't have the guts to kiss his girlfriend?"
"I didn't know what the coma etiquette was."
"There is no coma etiquette. See, that's the beauty of the coma, man. It doesn't matter what you do around it."
"So you're saying his girl, his car, his clothes, it's all up for grabs. You can just loot the coma victim."
"I give them twenty-four hours to get out of it. If they can't get out of it by twenty-four hours, it's a land rush."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Suicide"

Today I would like to talk about girlfriend number one. Ah yes I remember her well. It was 6th grade and her name was Monique. It started off simple enough. One kid will pass you a note that says ,"I like you. Do you like me, circle yes or no." You then proceed to circle yes, because well, why not. Then you decide that you are "going together". And that is it. There really isn't dating in the 6th grade. It is just an announcement - we are going together. I did walk her home from school one day and saw that she had pet bunnys. I thought that was cool. We never got around to kissing - which is the story of my life. I then got mom to get me a necklace to give to her and she gave me a bracelet with my name in it. I thought that was cool. But, as usual after two weeks the relationship turned sour as I found out my nemesis, Danny Breen, was also "going together" with her. I couldn't believe it. Heartache at such a young age. My love triangle experiences occurred more and more in my life. I was always on the losing end of them though. I could mention Peetey, or Benz or whomever Kim was seeing, or my latest loss, but I won't. Wow I think my ancestor had it right. I read "The Courtship of Miles Standish" the other week on the web. It was a short read but it was all about the triangle between John Alden, Priscella Mullin and Miles Standish. In the end John Alden gets the girl. It was a really good poem. Why didn't I read it back then? Monique Bass? Nah, that doesn't sound good.

Thought of the Day
"I still can't believe you're going out on a blind date."
"I'm not worried. It sounds like he's really good looking."
"You're going by sound? What are we, whales?"
- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Wink"