So there is an article on farting at fark today. Farting is a skill that some people acquire and others are born with. I remember the infamous words of my step-dad,"My side tooted." Now the fact that know one knows what "my side" is, is not as important as the fact of the word "tooted". Growing up I learned,"Beans, beans the more you eat the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel, so let's have beans for every meal." Thank God I don't like beans. Peetey is known for the "queen mother". Mr. T is known for his SBDs - "silent but deadly." Me, well I guess I am a mixer of all sorts. I am known for saying ,"it wasn't me!" He who smelt it, dealt it. Some people, like Randy, I think have some kind of milk intolerance. Others just eat the wrong food, aka "Jeff". Women are probably the sneakiest. I think it stems from the way they walk. They can let things slide out as opposed to making the cheeks vibrate in harmonious unison of the announcement of methane leaving the body. However, they are still stuck with the smell. I believe it was a blind date that Jeff and Peetey went on when the women declared that they had "tooted" at the dinner table. Gas was very common at my home growing up. I remember a video was made about mom sitting on one side of the couch Robbie on the other side and his leg would lift and a horrendous noise would ensue, gas would come out and a loud," MY SIDE TOOTED!" could be heard throughout the land. Mom, who always prepared with the glade would then spray it in the air and say,"How Uncouth!" This would happen a couple of times a day. I am surprised there is any paint left in that house...

Thought of the Day
"You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine. Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench."
- Jerry, describing the B.O. smell in his car, in "The Smelly Car"