This weekend was pretty uneventful. We did have an all ages show on Saturday. It started off OK, we had about 15 kids watching us, and then they all left. I suppose the problem was we were the last band on at 11:30 at night. Note to self: kids have curfews. We were still able to get rid of some CDs and T-Shirts though. I was thinking this weekend about vacations. I am probably going to start planning mine soon. I could go to guitar camp again, this time in Seattle. They have a cool Jimi Hendrix theme there. I could go to the beach somewhere like Cancun or Hawaii or I could go to Vegas and play the tables. I could visit family all over the country, like start driving north from here and end up in Minnesota. Hmm, have any ideas? Or maybe I could stay home and grow the biggest lamb chop sideburns you ever saw. That'd be cool.

Thought of the Day

Capt. Rex Kramer: "Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked, in the head, by an iron boot? Of course you don't--no one does--that never happens."

Airplane

This morning I was driving to work and I started thinking about vans and their history. It seems to me that vans were the SUV of the 80s. I remember everyone having one (my mom did) and I remember taking many trips in the ole van. Now vans are mostly used to portray serial killers and the like. I think it's really because no one can see what is happening inside a van. It makes me think about limos. Since no one can see inside liimos I guess they could be a tool for mischievous acts as well. I think in the 60s vans were more of a love shack kinda thing. In the 70s they seemed to be like a Scooby Do Mystery Machine. There was this one guy a couple of apartments ago that had his van painted like the Mystery Machine. It was kinda freaky. In the 90s vans seemed to be made fun of a lot, especially the ones that were painted and decorated al la "Shaggin Wagon" on Dumb and Dumber. I always did like my mom's van. I remember trying to watch TV in that van, the reception would come in and out and occasionally I would see the Cowboys score a touchdown. The couch in the back could be made into a bed that we kids slept in on family vacations.  In 1985 when we had a huge snowstorm the van door had a sheet of ice all over it and no one could open it. I remember climbing through the front to get to the back. I am still wondering what the saying "living in a van by the river" means. In some of our vacations it seems we did live in the van. It became a second home that traveled at a max speed of 45mph. I remember seeing Semis pass us and give us the bird. Now that I think about it, maybe we did live in a van by the river.

Thought of the Day

"If this van's a rocking.."

"Don't come a knocking!"

-- Seinfeld about to open the van door

Have you ever had one of those time periods where everything you touch turns broken? I am currently in one of those phases. With the DVD Player, my computer at work, my robosapien, my guitar, my cell phone, sometimes my guitar amp, and now the gas at my house(the meter is being replaced) I can definitely say, "don't get near me" It used to be different. I used to be able to make things work. Now I seem to be pushing things too hard, like the computer, or just having bad luck. I am a glass is half-full kinda guy, so if anyone is in need of anything broken let me know. Like you need insurance money, just place me on the roof of your car and 'boom", something is bound to happen. I suppose it would be cool at parties as well. "Everybody gather round, here is a diamond, place your bets on if he can break it!" I seem to be especially suited for technology. So if you want a new computer, just have me work on your existing one. In no time will you need another one. Say you don't want to talk to a girl. Just give me your cell phone; it'll be broken in no time. I remember how when I was in college there was this 2 week period in the summer where I did demolition at a local grocery store. They had to let me go because I was panting too much, drinking too much water and couldn't run the jackhammer as well as everyone else. With my new found power I should be able to just stand near the door and it'll all fall down.

Thought of the Day

"Anybody can exercise... But this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." - Garfield

I've been watching the beginnings of "American Idol" and have to say it is hilarious. How can people not know they can't sing? I mean, they get up there and howl and then start to cry when the judges laugh at them. And what is up with using rockers like the guy for kiss as judges? You won't hear me getting up there because I know I can't sing. We all know these people just want to be on TV. Some wild guy got up there last night and his sole purpose was so he could get on TV, and they let him. The judges are weird as well. Simon reminds me of the music lawyer I met in LA when I was out there. There are a lot of criteria for becoming a music star and if you don't meet it you're wasting their time. You need: youth, looks, personality, originality, hooks, and an existing huge fan base. Basically you have to be big in your own right before the big boys throw money your way. I remember meeting "Nikki" from American Idol a couple of years ago at a local pub. It was before she went to Hollywood. I remember telling her I was a guitar player and she was telling me how she was going to be on the show. I think I even hinted how my other band was looking for a singer. I think she went all the way up to be number 3 on the show. Last I heard she is still around Dallas singing at Karaoke clubs. Such is the life of fame and fortune. Now, if they had American Guitar Player that would be a different story.

Thought of the Day

"It's more like a full-body dry heave set to music."

- George, on Elaine's dancing style, in "The Little Kicks"

I am starting to realize I am not keeping up with pop culture. When you can skip commercials, news, and credits then you become one of the countless numbers of Americans who are "out of touch".  I don't listen to Top 40 or watch Entertainment Tonight, so I have no idea who is doing what, or more to the point, whom. Really, who is Jessica Simpson? Is she any relation to OJ? Was she one of the famous Mickey Mouse club people with Brittany Spears? What happened at the halftime show that caused people to boo? What is this Desperate Housewives show? Is it another reality TV show? Is 24 a good show? I tried to watch "Carnivale" on HBO the other night because I heard it was good. I had no clue what was going on. Is "Lost" good? Did they ever find their way off the Island? I did see something about the best movie of 2004 being called "Sideways". What is "Sideways"? Is it a comedy or one of those shows without a real plot? All of a sudden I am feeling "Lost" and "Sideways", well as long as I'm not a "Desperate Housewife" I guess I'll be fine.

Thought of the Day

"Can I have a medium diet coke?"

"Do you want the medium size or the middle size?"

"What's the difference?"

"Well, we have three sizes - medium, large and jumbo."

"What happened to the small?"

"There is no small. Small's medium."

"What's medium?"

"Medium's large and large is jumbo."

"Okay, give me the large."

"That's medium."

"Right. Can I have a small popcorn?"

"There is no small. Child-size is small."

"What's medium?"

"Adult."

"Do adults ever order the child-size?"

"Not usually."

"Okay, give me the adult."

"Do you want butter?"

"Is it real butter?"

"It's butter flavoring."

"What is it made of?"

"It's yellow."

- Elaine and a woman behind the snack counter, in "The Movie"

Well, I am now back at work. I had a good weekend. The girl I like was at my party. It was fun. We ended up watching a bunch of 80's movies like Teen Wolf and Cannonball Run. I guess I am kinda stuck in the 80s. Anyone looking at my movie collection would see I am missing a lot of films from the 90's and 00's. I figure it was because the 80s was really the decade of movie making. Most blockbusters were in that time period. Star Wars Trilogy, Indiana Jones Trilogy, Back to the Future Trilogy, Star Trek Movies, Goonies, Gremlins, ET and a host of other fantasy adventure movies. I also got Dish HDTV installed on my projector on Saturday. It is twice as clear as regular TV. Unfortunately there aren't that many channels that have HDTV on it. After the amazement of detail on the picture I decided to watch a regular show. All of a sudden I start noticing the lines and the blur of a normal TV show. I can see why there are a higher proportion of people needing glasses. Regular TV is actually bad for the eyes. We are so used to it we don't realize we are looking at a bunch of lines being refreshed at a high rate.  I watched part of the playoffs and worked on my book to end the weekend. I am glad Dallas is going to the Super Bowl for the 40^th straight year, they deserve it.

Thought of the Day

"We will have God as our Co-Pilot"

Whap, "Two Seats, Where's He going to sit?"

-- Cannonball Run

Well, I'm feeling like my old self again. It's just in time for my "Movie Night" at my house with my singles Sunday school class. This week everything I touched seemed to break: my computer at work and my 300 disc DVD changer. So I was in a pickle, wanting to give the viewers all of the options that a DVD Changer has to offer. Last night at guys night there was a mission, to retrieve the illustrious 400 disc changer from best buy and to get my house clean for the guests. We got to dinner first at 8 at Chili's and hope to have time to get to best buy before it closes at 9. We managed to but there was a snag, the store didn't have it in stock. So at 8:50 I had the clerk lookup locations where it was available. He found one in Denton, a 25 minute drive away. I figured it was worth a shot so I called the store and asked them for a favor - to keep the store open for a half hour so I could buy the $400 player. Naturally when the money came up they were like, "Sure, just tell em Wyatt sent ya." So I drove all the way up to Denton and retrieved the golden trophy. After getting an extension on this book deal and then convincing the guy to keep the store open I am thinking I might actually have a power of persuasion. Eh, it's probably just the power of money. That night I got my friends to help clean my house and put the DVDs in the new player - those are the kind of friends to have.   And now I will probably go home early, clean the upstairs and let the single girls take a tour of the house. It should be fun.

Thought of the Day

"Yankee beans, Yankee beans, I like my Yankee beans."

- Elaine, in "The Alternate Side"

Well after getting back from the doctor (I had to miss work this morning) I can tell you one of two things. Either my doctor loves my health insurance or he has the secret cure for the uncommon cold. It includes 4 separate prescriptions: Hydrocodone, Liquibid, Biaxin XL, and Methylprednisolone. It was weird how he knew what my uncommon symptoms were like muscle cramps and night sweats. I bet this thing has a name of all its own, although I never asked what it was. I just figured it was a standard cold and he'd give me something for it. Then I had to go to pharmacy and wait for them to be filled. I tell you those things are a cesspool of other diseases. Some kid was yakking while I was waiting; luckily I was able to run to other side of Wal-Mart when it started. I am very thankful this cold didn't get anywhere near my digestive system. I could cough for years as long as I am not yakking. I can't see how doctors deal with all of the disgusting stuff people do. It's got to be conditioning or something. I did hear my doctor cough as I walked out the door, uh oh, another victim.

Thought of the Day

"Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body."

- Jerry, in "The Heart Attack"

Well, this weekend was a surprise three day weekend. Apparently on every federal holiday my building gets shut down. So therefore I cannot go to work. I was glad for the three day weekend because I was still feeling sick (I've been this way for a couple of weeks now). On Friday I got together with some members of Corporate Red and we jammed. We all switched instruments. I was playing guitar, drums and bass. Drums have to be the hardest to play. It is hard because of something I have about coordinating my feet with my arms. Then on Friday night all through Saturday night I had a fever like I did the weekend before, except this time I had a sore throat with it. I swear this crud is harder to kick than a mule. On Saturday night I saw "Meet the Fockers", the sequel to "Meet the Parents". It was not as funny as the first and there were bits that just weren't funny even though they tried. I guess my humor meter was off a little cause I was still sick a little. On Saturday night I would sleep in ½ hour increments. On Sunday I slept in, but went to Sunday school and the mission. There is something to getting a sunburn on your face when it is 40^ outside. I can't see how anyone can get burned when their skin temperature is cold. I was glad to be off on Monday because I hung out on the couch all day. During the day I worked on my new language and at night the old band came over and we recorded. I have pretty much gotten over everything now, except for this lingering cough and sore throat. VIVA LA NYQUIL!

Thought of the Day

"Nyquil... the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, how the hell did I end up on my kitchen floor, medicine"

Well, my company extended me an offer to go permanent with them and I took it. The offer was very detailless. It was like - "Do you want to go permanent?" "Yes" "Ok then, I'll get back to you with the offer." So I guess the intention is there, the details just need to be ironed out. I am still waiting on this book deal as well. I can't believe how many projects I have up in the air right now. I feel like a juggler. "What is next on the plate - book deal,,, now how about the new language,,, wait we need a new portal,,,,now how about recording the band,,,,now how about recording the old band,,,,we need some church volunteers,,,,how about your blood,,,, wait here comes the book deal again" It is kinda fun to spread myself thin, I just have to do things in little pieces and it is manageable. Although to be honest I would drop everything if this book deal comes true. It is the closest to being a dream come true than anything. Anyway, Brian the Juggler has left the building...

Thought of the Day

"Wonka, is this some kind of fun house?"

"Why? Having fun?"

-- Willy Wonka

Well, so far this week has left me totally exhausted. I went to bed at 3:30 last night. I wish there was a way that the human body wouldn't need sleep. Imagine what we would be able to do if we didn't have that pesky thing called sleep. I finally finished the sample chapter today and sent it off to the editor. I am not sure how long it'll take to find out if they like it, but hopefully not that long. Tonight at 8 I have another show. This week has been littered with shows and moonlighting work so much that I will probably crash after the show, which brings me to the topic at hand - Girl Scout cookies. I am on my 10^th year of protesting Girl-Scout cookies and am going strong. I refuse to ever buy another box of Girl Scout cookies unless they meet my demands. It all started when I was a kid and my sister would come home with girl-scout cookies to sell. I was at first excited because I got to eat some cookies, but then reality set in. They had NO CHOCOLATE CHIP. I couldn't believe it. I always thought she was getting the wrong batch or something. Every year I would wait for the new list of cookies hoping beyond all hope that they would have chocolate chip, but it never happened. Later on in life I realize why. If they did then that would be all they sold, and the makers of all of those other crappy cookies would go out of business. It was all a big political ploy to keep overvalued cookies on the market. I now refuse to buy any cookies unless they are chocolate chip. VIVA LA CHOCOLATE CHIP!

Thought of the Day

"The key to eating a black and white cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet, still, somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie. All our problems would be solved."

- Jerry, in "The Dinner Party"

Last night I had a good little acoustic show in Deep Ellum and I didn't get home until 1. We played at a popular club called the Liquid Lounge. This place is known for bands that play out type of music. It is also known for its good sound guy. We did 5 songs and even a Green Day cover. The one big detraction about the Liquid Lounge is the smoke. There really isn't any ventilation and my jacket still smells like smoke. Sometimes my lungs feel like I haven't quit. As for the history of my smoking it goes all the way back to when I was 19. I broke up with this girl and started smoking cigars. Cigars are kind of like the starter cigarette. Since I was in college and I was free all of a sudden I developed this smoking habit for a couple of years. I would smoke 2 packs a day, drink tons of Dr.Pepper and stay up all night programming for class the next day (no wonder I started having panic attacks). Then I decided to quit and got on "the patch." It was successful for a year and then I had an urge and started up again. This time for 6 months and then I quit for 6 months. Towards the end of college I got on "the gum" and quit for 6 months. Then I started up again. I started work at AT&T a smoker and then quit again for 12 months. That time I remember putting the days quit on my blackboard and all my co-workers knew I was quitting. That was when I gained the illustrious "Dallas 50" It's similar to the "Freshman 15" only bigger. Each time I quit I would quit for longer periods of time. This last time I had quit for 3 years, smoked for 6 months and then quit again. I figure as long as I can beat my previous record for time quit I will be successful. I always do things in dates. I quit Jan 1^st 2002 this last time, which means I have the option of starting up again after June of 2005 to beat my previous record. Although after smelling my jacket and coughing from the night before I doubt I will.

Thought of the Day

"Well, I'm doing it Jerry. I'm buying that Frogger machine. Now the torch will burn forever!"

"Fabulous! See, now you're really doing something."

- George and Jerry, in "The Frogger"

Well, I was talking to this girl last night and I am really starting to find out how similar librarians are to teachers. It's not that I don't like teachers I just don't want one as a girlfriend. There is a tendency to complain about school and talk about students and the staff all of the time. I practically zone out whenever the discussion ends up there. It's like I know it is bad and I always wonder why people stay as teachers. If it is so bad, then quit.  I'll say that and then they say," But I love my job and I love the kids." If that's true then why do they complain all of the time? Sorry I'm venting. And why is it that teachers don't seem to know how to react to other teachers and staff well. It frightens me to hear the stories about teachers dreading getting sent to principal's office the same way a student would. I mean, it is like no one ever figured out how the real world operates and they still think of themselves as students, they just get a lounge. If I was a teacher and it was in my contract to leave at 3, I'd be gone at 3.  I wouldn't work at all in the evenings, I wouldn't even do lesson plans. I would wait until I arrived in the morning, let the kids socialize for 10 minutes while I prepared a shorter lesson plan. Then I would teach. If I had a test I would always use scantrons and have the computer spit out the grade. I wouldn't give any homework either. The only work they would have to do would be studying for the tests. If a kid got out of line I would put them in the corner with a dunce hat on their head and it would be mandatory for all the kids to laugh at that kid for at least 10 seconds. If a principal wanted me to do more I would say "not unless you put an addendum in my contract to raise my hours and my rate". If they requested my presence at the principal's office I would wait at least a day before I showed up just to prove how busy I was. If I was ever scolded by a principal or another teacher I would talk to their superior about their unprofessional behavior. Man, I so do not want to ever teach. I feel sorry for the teachers and what they have to put up with, I honestly think they should privatize the whole thing and make it a more professional atmosphere with better pay and less bickering. Now, I shall hear from my teacher friends about how wrong I am, and I do admit I am wrong because I am an outsider. I am venting and I am not even a teacher or a parent. BTW, what is the best way to break up with a girl? Tell them the truth or just not answer the phone?

Thought of the Day

"Your standards are too high."

"I went out with you."

"That's because my standards are too low."

- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Fix-Up"

As many of you may already know, I am very impulsive. If something strikes my fancy I will dream about it, sometimes I will do it and other times I will promote it and then never follow through. My life is like that on many levels. I will go through phases where I am all about the band, then where I am all about software development, then where I am all about the church, or even a couple of hours all about the latest video game. This one phase I bought up a bunch of domain names to start a new web company. Recently it has been getting a patent on a new language I have created. I have found the best impulses are the ones that actually lead somewhere. Take for instance my band Corporate Red. I was surfing the net a couple of years ago and on a whim decided to check out musicians.net . In it there was an ad for a lead guitar player. So on a whim I emailed the guy and the rest is history, all because I just had an impulse to do something. I suppose it is like that in my job hopping as well. I will get a call from a recruiter and on a whim I will consider it. There is just something very thrilling about looking to the future, dreaming, and trying to make something happen. The closest I have come to a current impulse coming true is happening this week. Yesterday I had a book idea with a coworker of mine to write a new book about something Microsoft will be releasing in May. So I was surfing and on a whim decided to visit a publisher's web site. They had a proposals section and I proposed the idea. All of a sudden I get a response that they are interested and they want a sample chapter. So here I am writing a sample chapter to a possible book that would give me my first writing credit. I am very excited and this time I could have a publisher keeping me in line to follow through. It just may happen.

Thought of the Day

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."

- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

As many of you may already know, I am very impulsive. If something strikes my fancy I will dream about it, sometimes I will do it and other times I will promote it and then never follow through. My life is like that on many levels. I will go through phases where I am all about the band, then where I am all about software development, then where I am all about the church, or even a couple of hours all about the latest video game. This one phase I bought up a bunch of domain names to start a new web company. Recently it has been getting a patent on a new language I have created. I have found the best impulses are the ones that actually lead somewhere. Take for instance my band Corporate Red. I was surfing the net a couple of years ago and on a whim decided to check out musicians.net . In it there was an ad for a lead guitar player. So on a whim I emailed the guy and the rest is history, all because I just had an impulse to do something. I suppose it is like that in my job hopping as well. I will get a call from a recruiter and on a whim I will consider it. There is just something very thrilling about looking to the future, dreaming, and trying to make something happen. The closest I have come to a current impulse coming true is happening this week. Yesterday I had a book idea with a coworker of mine to write a new book about something Microsoft will be releasing in May. So I was surfing and on a whim decided to visit a publisher's web site. They had a proposals section and I proposed the idea. All of a sudden I get a response that they are interested and they want a sample chapter. So here I am writing a sample chapter to a possible book that would give me my first writing credit. I am very excited and this time I could have a publisher keeping me in line to follow through. It just may happen.

Thought of the Day

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."

- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

This weekend was a blast. It started off a little rocky. First, the place I get a haircut the hairdresser was sick and wanted to reschedule the appointment. Therefore, I had to find another good place to get a cut and found one in the Galleria. When I got there apparently they hadn't written it down. Later I found out they had written my name down as Ryan Bess. I guess I have a tendency to mumble. Anyways I was still able to get it cut. Then I went to Guitar Center to pick up my guitar which was broken and they couldn't fix it. I had a 4 alarm guitar emergency. Finally I drove to a place in another part of Dallas and they had just closed their doors. I banged on the door and said "Nooo!" then they opened the door and had someone there who fixed it. I was very thankful. Now onto the show. Corporate Red actually played first. We started off with some acoustic songs, of which I had just learned in the parking lot. I suppose we should practice those, but it still sounded OK. Then we launched into our electric set, which we made really long. It was fun and we didn't have many mistakes so the show went well. It was almost midnight and the drummers were taking their sweet time picking up and setting up so we decided to bring on the New Year before Red Krovvy played. We were halfway into the song when I notice the time, so I made a "cut it short" sign and held up my fingers and started to scream "10..9..8..7" into the microphone. Then the band stopped playing and everyone went in with the countdown. At midnight they all screamed and blew their horns and I shouted "Happy New Year" into the microphone and then started playing "Auld Lang Sing" on my guitar. The rest of the band followed and we punked up the song as I shredded through it. Then comes on my old band "Red Krovvy" where I was the lead singer and guitar played. Yes, I do know I shouldn't be a singer, but it isn't so bad as to make people leave, matter of fact I saw more people dancing to my songs than did at Corporate Red's songs. Then after the show we got paid and went back to my place for a party. I played some more on guitar there as well. I was exhausted but I didn't get to bed till 5:30 in the morning. I woke up to the ring of my telephone of someone's wife wanting to know where her husband was. Apparently he had fallen asleep on my couch upstairs. Around the afternoon I talked to this one girl I've been seeing and we decided to play pool that night. It was fun and then we went back to my place and watched Red Krovvy from the night before. I am still a gentleman after 3 dates and still asked at the end of the evening to kiss her (yes of course). On Sunday I did church stuff all day. This time when I was doing the homeless thing someone came up and handed me a prayer request. The first line of it was "Hi Pastor my name is...." like I was some sort of preacher or something. It kind of freaked me out. I guess because after I would hand them water I would always say "God Bless You". It is just that logically they are the ones that need blessings. It is more of a computer programming logic that I say it than a preacher thing. But it made me stop and say "what if". Anyways, I went home and watched the Dallas Cowboys go 16-0 for the season to get into the Super Bowl. I do like their new running back. I think he'll get a lot of yards. I fell asleep exhausted and woke up late for work this morning, tired from all of the action of a good weekend. So as I close I just want to wish everyone a "Happy New Year"!

Thought of the Day

"Kramer, these balloons aren't going to stay filled 'til New Year's."

"Those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons."

- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Millennium"