Well, I've been doing pretty good on my diet and exercise routine. I've lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks. However, eating at Subway every day is getting a little tedious. Since I am a meatatarian I only have 4 choices: chicken, turkey, roast beef or ham. I usually get roast beef and turkey. I think that tastes the best. I was thinking about variety and maybe adding some vegetables to the mix. I can't believe I just said that, especially since I am an anti-vegite. I seem to remember when I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7 I used to love tomatoes. I can't remember what mom used to put on them to make them taste good. Sugar? Somehow the tomato thing didn't last and I started not liking them. Maybe it was when I found out they were in the infamous "vegetable" category. Sometimes at McDonald's they wouldn't get my "plain" order correct and I'd end up eating some onions. I seem to remember they were ok. I am thinking once these subs becoming boring I will attempt to put onions or tomatoes on them. I was on Atkins about 4 years ago when I had my first personal trainer. He had me eating a Caesar salad with steak. Let's just say I wrapped the steak in lettuce and put barbecue sauce on it. That was the only way I could eat lettuce. So I know I can't eat that. Since I am unfamiliar with the vegetable world what kind of vegetables do you think I would like?

Thought of the Day
"They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry... I don't even want to know what's going on with the papayas!"
- Kramer, in "The Mango"

The gym I work out at is a meat market. I see nice women and men and watch how their social interactions take place. Usually the women are insulted, unless the guy is good looking, then they drop their pretenses. My gym is also an adult playground. I see people hanging around some equipment like it is a jungle gym. I usually jog on the treadmill when I get my exercise. My way of playing is just slowing it down. It always makes me wonder if we shouldn't have recess at work. I wonder if "Tag" and "Red Rover" would be reinstated. I can just see Ted from Accounting try and run through Dave the project manager and Brenda the developers arms. The ensuing civil lawsuit created would be good. Which I guess is why we don't have recess. I can see the litigation now, "Jimmy pushed my while we were playing tag." "It was no fair cause he took my ball." "For taking Sue's ball the court grants the defendant $10,000." Nevertheless it still would be fun. Just remember, what happens in the playground, stays in the playground.

Thought of the Day
"You saying you want a piece of me?"
"I could drop you like a bag of dirt."
"You want a piece of me?! You got it!"
- Frank Costanza and Elaine, in "The Little Kicks"

Today I would like to talk about something magical. That something is back hair. It is the bane of human existence. Meant to be covered up. Meant to be shaved and destroyed. As a proponent of back hair I'd like to mention that it is perfectly natural. Now why would I be a proponent? Well, let's just say I have a veritable forest. I often times would get embarrassed to have it, sometimes getting it shaved, one time trying nair. When I got massages I would feel self conscious, hearing "crunch crunch" as the lady massaged my back. The nair incident happened in college. If you ever want to smell burnt hair use nair. Basically you are putting acid on your back. Then last week I stopped in at a local laser hair removal place. They said it would cost about $2500. I asked her if they take insurance. She said,"We take credit cards". Yeah, sure, credit cards = insurance. I don't even want to think about what getting it waxed would feel like. Sometimes they show those in movies. It just looks painful. Having back hair makes me think about not shaving my face. I figure it would be false advertising to shave. Or maybe unbuttoning one button on my shirt to show what I've got. I blame my mother's German roots for this massive influx of hair. I could be a wookie if I let everything grow. Then you have those guys who are not self conscious at all. They are the ones wearing wife-beater shirts in the hot sun. It's like at some point they said screw it, I've got hair and I'm proud. Ha. Now, yesterday as the doc jammed a needle into my back cyst I was thinking "imagine if someone pulled each hair out." Then I realized, imagine if my girlfriend had back hair... I shudder...

Thought of the Day
"Wait a minute. Do I have to ask?"
"Well, I ran out of butter, so I had to borrow yours. Anything else, Mr. Nosey?"
"Why are you buttering your face?"
"I'm shaving with it."
"Oh, Moses smell the roses!"
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Butter Shave"

Well this weekend was a good weekend. On Friday I went to the Doc's and got the results of the biopsy back- it was negative except for a little inflammation in my esophagus. Basically my lack of diet and exercise is the main reason why I have had those problems. I have been feeling soo much better since I started dieting and exercising. I also saw my general doc while I was there and had him look at a huge cyst on my back that has become infected. He gave me powerful antibiotics and today I get to go and have it popped or something. Eww. Don't you just love reading about my health problems? It's like I'm 60 years old. Anyway, the show on Friday was one of Corporate Red's best shows. It was at an all ages club and we had about 100 teenagers rocking out to our songs. They definitely have more energy. They were crowd surfing and mosh dancing. On Saturday I went to my step brothers house and hung out with their family. We ended up at another parents party. I brought out my acoustic and Grant and I played guitar for them. They enjoyed it. Grant always introduces me as his brother cause we are close and people say,"Funny you don't look alike" or "Ah, you look alike." I went to Grant's church on Easter morning. It had a small town church kinda feel. The pastor gave a good message. Then I had to head an hour away to downtown Dallas to lead the feed the homeless ministry at the local mission. Most people in the class were gone that day so it ended up being 6 of us. I guess the homeless were shuttled over to the mission because we ended up feeding over 300 people. I was completely exhausted when I got home. Today I have to go to the docs, take guitar lessons, get my car back from the shop and work as well. How was your weekend?

Thought of the Day
"You know what I've never understood? Why did they change the siren noise? When I was a kid, it was always 'WAAAAAH WAAAAAH' and now it's 'WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO'. Why'd they do that? I mean, did they do some research? Did they find out that WOO-WOO was a more effective siren than WAAAH?"
"Hey, and what about those English sirens? 'EEE YAAAH, EEE YAAAH, EEE YAAAH, EEE YAAAH'..."
- George and Jerry, in "The Trip"

So there I was, a young boy of 12, being sent to public school in the 6th grade. We had just moved from our old house into the current one, mom had just gotten married, I got a dog and I had switched from a private school to a public school. So what does my mother make me wear on the first day of school? A suit and tie. She said, "all the kids wear suits on the first day." I sometimes wonder why she said those things. Especially since she was a teacher. I am pretty sure that in Hirshi High School the kids don't wear suits on the first day. Of course everyone was wearing regular clothes and into the classroom walks the "new guy" wearing a suit. My face was red as I stared at all those kids and they stared back at me in disbelief. I was thinking to myself,"Why me?" I think I even caught the teacher off guard as well. She gave me a look of pity and told me to take my seat. That's one thing I will never understand. I think it is an old people thing, but what is this fascination with suits and ties? Mom always made me wear a suit and tie on Christmas Day. Well, I guess everyone knows that when you eat out at a restaurant on Christmas you need a suit. It really is an old-fashioned way of thinking. Nowadays in the workforce, most people who wear suits and ties make less than the business casual dressed people. Today I am at work wearing jeans and a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt and I am pulling in six-figures. I always had problems tying ties anyways. I think it stems from failing tying shoes in kindergarten - from which my parents deemed me retarded. The collars were always too tight on those shirts as well. The only situations where it is necessary to wear suits would be weddings, funerals and job interviews. Even church nowadays is casual. Nevertheless, the "clothes wars" continued on. Mom made me wear a suit to church and made Melinda wear a dress. Melinda was a fighter and she would yell the loudest,"Mom I am not wearing a dress!" But in the end she wore the dress. Ah, memories..

Thought of the Day
"She wants me to dress smart-casual. What is that?"
"I don't know, but you don't have it."
- George and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

So here I am at work, listening to the beeps and clicks of other people's computer. It is a lot like Office Space - "Accounts payable, Nina speaking, please hold". I end up with a group of guys socializing most of the time. Working here is like most places, there are good things and bad things. As a veteran of company atmosphere's I'd give this one a 3 out of 10. If only I could be put in charge... Anyway, it's an OK job. I have definitely had better. I think for the longest time I was a proponent of "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality, always jumping jobs whenever a supposed better opportunity comes along. Now I am a lot more discerning. It is kind of like American Idol, finding the perfect combination of factors to make the best candidate. I am always looking, but it will take a lot to get me to leave. It's weird, I guess cause I am working for the government I feel like I have loyalty to my country. Trust me, they need it. However, technically I am a government contractor and not a government worker, so most of what I do is in terms of $$$. I could be dropped like that if they were unhappy with my work or if they switched contracting firms. There isn't much security in that - except the fact that I am good at what I do. In the computer world security is based upon the personality, skills and attitude the worker brings to the table. Anyway, I say all of this because I am thinking about hopping another fence. But, I am not sure. I do know it would be a nightmare to stay for the long haul anyways. I've been to the other side and I can say it is definitely better. I am looking for a place to call home, where I can make a big difference in people's lives. You only live once and you should make the best of it. In actuality I do have all the time in the world to search and find the best place. So we shall see. Anyway I think I'll walk to Chotsky's today(Subway) and get a shrimp shooter(roast beef sub).

Thought of the Day
[Phil Connors is stopped by the police after some crazy driving]
Phil: Yeah, three cheeseburgers, two large fries, two chocolate shakes and a large coke.
Ralph: [to Phil] And some flapjacks.
Phil: [to Cop] Too early for flapjacks?

-- Groundhog Day

When I was 6 and living in Alaska I bowled on a kiddy bowling league. Every Saturday my sister and I would go bowling and try to get a high score. For 7 straight Saturdays we would bowl. In order to get a patch at the end of the season you had to have a score of at least a 50 or better. For 7 straight Saturdays I bowled a 49. I didn't get any patch and felt bad about it. I think this experience is the root of some of my problems. It seems like ever since then I have had this sabetour feeling about competitions, like I am my own worst enemy. In college I was able to bowl 7 games over 200, but it was always during practice. I remember bowling straight 99s at the college tournaments, getting a look of scorn from my fellow Texas Tech Bowling Teammates. And thus I come to Guitarmagedon. The last show I even noted how I lost my technicality when playing solo. I knew that, but yet I didn't try to figure out how to correct that. So I did the exact same thing as last time. I had good showmanship, but this time it just seemed like I was sitting there waiting for my fingers to do all the work. It was like my brain was expecting a technical performance but my body didn't know how, even though in practice I was 10 times better. I think I was already making excuses in my mind before I even got up there. Anyways, suffice it to say I didn't win, but I feel I would've gotten second for just showmanship and cool sounding blues riffs. Sometimes I wonder what drives my lack of perfection. I guess it has to do with being too lazy to practice. Then the real question comes in, what drives my laziness. It might be an ego thing. I am naturally intelligent and I am too lazy to build upon that. When I was in school I would get B's and C's without lifting up a book so I was like, why try harder when I might not do any better anyways - kind of like the bowling experience. My sister always seemed stressed out and I deemed studying as not worth it. Reality is I think I was afraid of success for some reason. I wonder why. It's like the book deal I almost had. I was able to put together a semi-perfect proposal and it got shot down. Then I lost all motivation to put together another proposal even though publisher offered to hear another one. Or like my inventions or company ideas. Some of them are good ideas and would work if I wasn't too lazy to do them. Or like all of the other Guitarmaggedons I've been in. Or like when I quit playing violin because it got too hard. Or like when I tried to sight read in the Church orchestra. I've been taking sight reading lessons, but I haven't practiced for that either. Or like when I was in the math club and lost a computer programming contest because I didn't care. Or like when I was in Computer Science in college and switched degrees because I fell asleep on the Programming final,turning an A into an F(granted the final was over nothing I had studied and I gave up, my head falling asleep on the keyboard typing a million "G"s). I seem to fall apart under pressure. I wonder why. Is it the bowling experience, or something deeper? I bet it's because it's been over a week since I had a hamburger.

Thought of the Day
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld

Well, yesterday was supposed to be band practice, but we had to cancel cause of tests. So I ended up catching up on my TV watching and practicing for Guitarmageddon, which is tonight. I am not really ready. I haven't had much time to practice due to other commitments, but I do think I am good at improv. Improv is more of an in the moment kind of style where you play whatever you feel at the time. If I am feeling musical I should do well. I also discovered the world's first blog yesterday. It was found out by watching TV. There is this show called "Two and a Half Men" and the writer, Chuck Lorre, puts a subliminal message at the end of each show. It lasts 1 second and if you don't spot it you will go right past it. Nowadays Tivo allows for easy pausing. This message was a long drawn out one about a dream with Ellen Degeneras in it. It said #134 on the message, so I thought hmm, maybe he has done this before. A little googling turned up Chucklorre.com and called it his vanity cards. Apparently he has been doing it since his show Dharma and Greg in 1997, dating before the first blog. I would consider it a blog because he posts a quick paragraph and you can comment by sending him email. I went through and read his vanity cards. They are very creative. I suppose if I threw in well crafted stories about seemingly insignificant events this blog would be funny. Oh wait, I guess I already do...

Thought of the Day
"Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm askin'. This woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny."
- George, to Jerry, in "The Visa"

Props go out to Peetey for being 30 today. Man I've got only 2 months to go and am dreading it. I guess you are only as old as you feel. This weekend was another busy weekend. I have been active since last Wednesday and will be that way till next Monday. Last Thurs was guys night, Friday I helped a friend move from Ft.Worth to Dallas, Saturday my band practiced in the afternoon and I saw my friends band in the evening at the "Texas Tea House" in Deep Ellum. After his band finished playing an amazing band comes on called the "Stratoblasters". They were a band with 3 guitarists that played blues-rock like Stevie Ray Vaughan. The lead guy was Jimmy Wallace - remember that name. They were all old but they had master skills. I stuck around, had a couple of drinks, and saw the whole show. I am always amazed at the talent found in Dallas at any ole club. Sunday I got one of the members in my Sunday School to call me and wake me up for church. So I was booked solid doing church, Sunday school, lunch, feed the homeless, and prayer group for my class all day on Sunday. I didn't get home until 11 that night. I then restrung my guitar for Guitarmagedon this Tuesday. Tonight Corporate Red is practicing for a show at "The Door" in Deep Ellum on Friday. Tomorrow is Guitarmaggedon which I am not ready for. Wednesday is Bible study at Borders Books, Thursday is guys night again, Friday is the Show, Saturday I am going to visit Grant in Ft.Worth. Sunday is Easter and then on next Monday I think I have nothing planned. Add working out and going to Subway for all my meals and I am booked solid. I should add a social calendar to this site and see when I have something available. I also think I volunteered my house for another party. I was talking to this girl on my cellphone and it was cracking up so all I heard was "Party...Your house....April..." and I said, "Sure". Now I just have to figure out what day.

Thought of the Day
He not busy being born is busy dying.
Bob Dylan

So there I am, off in dreamland. Then I am awoken to the sound of "Luuuuukenbach Texas, Luuuuukenbach Texas, wah wah wah" I gasp awake realizing that I am not listening to my usual morning "try to wake me up" CD. I fall back asleep after 30 seconds, depressed that I am listening to country music. Apparently yesterday at guy’s night Peetey decided to pull a fast one and switched out my guitar CD with a country CD. The horror, the horror. I am the heaviest sleeper I know. I once slept through a fire alarm in my dorm room. They had to come into my room and shake me awake as the alarm was blaring, right above my bed. In college I used to love getting a good 12 hours sleep. Now I am down to 7 1/2 hours but I am so tired in the morning I can barely get up. Peetey does call me every morning to try to wake me up. For some reason the phone ringing seems to work the best. I guess its cause I am thinking I have to wake up to answer the phone. I have tried many things and had many things tried on me. When I was a kid my mother would come into my room and flip the lights on and off repeatedly. My stepfather would pour beer on my head or water if he was nice. Peetey would stop by sometimes and scream high school cheers at me."Hey Freshman! Getup Getup Getup Getup!" When I got in the workforce I tried every radio station I could think of. I even tried country, but I ended waking up depressed. I tried Tejano and ended waking up confused. Classical was a no show. Classic Rock was good, but I had heard those songs before. Talk Radio was terrible. I don't like that anyways. Finally I created a very good wakeup CD. It starts off very light. I never hear it start up. In the middle I have guitar shredding music with the G3 album going. Then towards the end I have music that blares and tries to wake me up. The big problem is that after a year that has lost its luster. Country music, egad, Peetey I shall get you back...

Thought of the Day
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

You ever notice how gas prices seem to be on the rise. I have heard that in the next 2 years gas prices could double. So my usual $25 a week fill-up habit will turn into a $50 a week habit. That is just too much. I think the only way to solve this crisis is to make more gas or walk. I started looking online for electric cars the other day. clicky. It is weird, there are 10 different models and each of them is pretty cheap (10-15K), except for the electric sports car which will be priced between a Porsche and a Ferrari. The other day the world's first electric car(the GMC EV1) was being sent to a dump yard and it was being boycotted by all of the hollywierdos. They apparently would've spent over $200,000 per car and GMC decided they couldn't face the liability so they had to destroy them. If I was GMC I would've let them have the cars and make em sign waivers of liability. Reality is, they probably did not run that well. Most electric cars need to be recharged between 30 and 100 miles and take 4-6 hours to recharge. However, it is only 10 miles to my work, so an electric car to commute wouldn't be a bad idea. The body styles are pretty futuristic, except of course for the retrofitted ones. Do you know what cars are used to be turned into electric cars? The 1980 VW Rabbit. All I have to say is, why?

Thought of the Day
"I thought you said you were a good driver!"
"No no, I never said I was a good driver. I said I was a good parker."
- Jerry and George, in "The Parking Spot"

I am a man of many phases. Every now and then I get the idea to do something new or to do something I know I should be doing. Sometimes these things stick, but it is usually a phase. My prior phase was eating whatever I want. That lasted for over a year and I am much bigger for it. Now I am on a new phase. Ever since I got the shizzle scared out of me by the gastro doc I've decided to be more healthy. So I decided I am going to do cardio for a half hour every day after work and start a new diet. I started back to the gym on Monday. I knew still paying for it was a good idea, even though it has been a year and a half since I have been there. When I walk in I got the feeling that eyes were on me. Maybe they could tell I was a newbie? Some girls were even giving me a once over. I did notice that I was wearing my "give blood" t-shirt I got for giving blood. It kinda looked like I was a doctor. I do know that chicks like doctors, maybe I should come in wearing scrubs and then when they ask me what I do I'll tell em I'm a software architect. That'll confuse em. Working out is not that bad. I even get to watch TV while I do it. All you do is go in, get dressed in the locker room and then go out and get on a treadmill. The whole process lasts 45 minutes. I do it before I arrive home from work. Then I go to Subway and get a sub for dinner. Yup, my new diet is the Subway diet. It is the easiest one for me. I even get some more cardio because I do a 10 minute walk to Subway at lunch. I am not going to refill my refrigerator at home so I will have no snacks to tempt me. It is pretty barren. I just have some OJ for breakfast and will get some bottled water for after the workout. I hope this health kick lasts long enough for me to lose some weight. My real goal is not to lose weight though. It is to get healthy, no gerd or high blood pressure. I can see me losing enough weight in a year that I can wear a Microsoft C# t-shirt and the girls will still swoon.

Thought of the Day
Austin: "Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore?"
Fat Bastard: "I went on the Subway diet. You know, just like Jared. I've lost 180 pounds."
Austin: "Congratulations, baby."
Fat Bastard: "Thank you. I do have a bit of excess skin though.Bit of a problem yeah. And unfortunately my neck does look like a vagina."
Austin Powers in Goldmember

I think I'll talk about the latest happenings in pop-culture. Apparently some guy quit on American Idol. That is to be expected. Ever since since someone decided to leave on "The Real World" producers have been hoping for someone to quit. It then gets scheduled into the show. Someone has quit on Survivor, The Apprentice and now American Idol. I am willing to bet they were all stooges and planted so that there would be a big headline. I know whenever I have 1 chance in 12 to win $1 million I think it is best to quit. They always cite personal or family reasons and are very vague. They never say exactly why they are quitting (the producers paid them alot of money). Turning over to the Micheal Jackson trial I am really amazed at how poorly the prosecution is doing. Sometimes I think he may actually be innocent. That is scary. I remember seeing some show about MJ's psyche and the guy said Micheal wants his life to be like a circus. Maybe this is his way of being a clown? Going to a trial that he has a very good shot at winning? I wonder if his album sales increase as a result of this fiasco. What is up with wearing pajamas to trial? He couldn't have brought pants? Here is a guy who drives around in limos and has an enterage and he couldn't say "Hey Vinny, go back to my house and get me some pants." I think MJ really has something for pajamas, especially listening to the boy's testimony. I bet Thursday is his required "Pajamas Day" where everyone who visits neverland has to wear them. MJ is an enigma. It's like he has altered his face and his nose so that he looks like an alien and his latest albums have been flops and yet he still has fans outside the courthouse. I think Micheal Jackson has been "Bad" and he should've just "Beat It". Instead we have to settle for this "Thriller"...

Thought of the Day
"Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason."
- Jerry, in "The Baby Shower"

This weekend I went back to my old home town of Wichita Falls. Not much really changes there. They might have had a couple of new places pop up and the old highway is finally finished, but it is still basically the same. If anything it has gotten older. I went and saw "Robots" while I was there. They revamped the theater, but kept the seats the same. Here in Dallas our movie theatre seats are stadium seating and the seats recline backwards. In Wichita it is like you are at a rodeo. The movie was pretty good. I'd give it 3 out of 5 stars. What it needed was more subplots, but I guess for being a kiddie movie it wasn't that important. I go see most computer animation movies and compare them to the old movies. I heard some people talk about how it was better than Shrek 2. Nope, there weren't very good textures and the robots all had this computer generated type feel to them. There was some off the wall humor that made it funny. If I were 10 I would've loved it. But, it was entertaining. This time I saw the Star Wars Trailer on the big screen. It looks really good. I saw 60 Minutes on Sunday with George Lucas. They asked him about why he is single and he is like "Every single person is told that they have too high standards." I was in total agreement. I don't think I should settle just because I want a girlfriend. I'm after the gold. Anyway, if you want a short laugh I'd recommend Robots.

Thought of the Day

"Can I have a medium diet coke?"
"Do you want the medium size or the middle size?"
"What's the difference?"
"Well, we have three sizes - medium, large and jumbo."
"What happened to the small?"
"There is no small. Small's medium."
"What's medium?"
"Medium's large and large is jumbo."
"Okay, give me the large."
"That's medium."
"Right. Can I have a small popcorn?"
"There is no small. Child-size is small."
"What's medium?"
"Adult."
"Do adults ever order the child-size?"
"Not usually."
"Okay, give me the adult."
"Do you want butter?"
"Is it real butter?"
"It's butter flavoring."
"What is it made of?"
"It's yellow."
- Elaine and a woman behind the snack counter, in "The Movie"

Sometimes working at the IRS is a cool thing to say to people. It's like I have power over their money, even though it isn't the case. Whenever I tell people where I work I get a couple of different reactions - "man, you are the taxman", "cool job", and "can you fix my taxes?" Other times it can be a bad thing to say to people. If they don't like the IRS at all you'll end up getting some scorn, in a joking manner of course. So what do I say to the doctor right before they put me under who just had asked,"What do you do?" I tell him I work at the IRS on their auditing systems. At that point the nurse looks at me and says "ya'll don't catch many people do you?" and the doctor says," I know where that is." Now, if I were in a club I think I would've gotten some scorn from them. I could only hope none of them had ever been audited. Maybe that's why for that minute I was gagging and choking unit they raised the antithetic... Well, as a response to that I could've sworn I moved my arm so fast to take tube out that I hit the doctor or hit the side of the bed. It's all blur. Anyways, other times I get things like," if I give you my social security number can you put it in." They are all joking of course. I suppose it's like that in any job of importance. Like police officers. If someone knew one I bet they'd get a lot of ,"can you get me out of tickets?", or take car dealers, "Can you give me the best deal since I know you?", or weatherman," What's it like today" ,or doctors," Why does it hurt when I do this?" The important thing to remember is that the people asking those questions can't be serious. I must also remember, not everyone needs to know I work at the IRS, especially if they are about jam a camera down my throat.



Thought of the Day

H.I.: I'll be takin' these Huggies, and, uh, whatever cash you got.

-- Raising Arizona

There is a new Star Wars trailer for the upcoming movie Stars Wars: Revenge of the Sith. It aired last night on the O.C., a remake of 90210. BTW, what does O.C. stand for? I used to watch 90210 all of the time in college. I remember how I was always in love with Kelly. Anyways, the O.C. was really hard to follow. I wonder why George Lucas picked that show to debut the trailer. The trailer completely rocked. I have a feeling this could be the best Star Wars movie yet. It had scenes that were a split second long, all combined into one trailer. I had TIVO'd it and was able to go through each frame and see the different settings. The graphics looks great and there is definitely going to be a lot of lightsaber fights. I think we all know Anakin is Darth Vader and Palpatine is the emperor. C3P0, R2D2, Chewbacca, Bubba Fett and Darth Vader are all going to be in it. Finally a Star Wars I can recognize. The problem with the TIVO version is that I had another show that cut off the end of the trailer. Luckily I used my computer prowess and found a complete version online. If you ever want to find a hard to find file I recommend BitTorrent. I wonder how many times the "Force" will be said? I guess I should pack my camping gear and get in line. It's probably going to get long soon ;-)

Thought of the Day
President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
--Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Sometimes I wonder what life was like 200 years ago when we didn't have all of these diseases we had today. If you would've told someone they had GERD in the 1800's they'd looked at you funny and said,"You mean a herd of geese? That's a gaggle not a gerd." Back in those days they gave em a drink of whisky and sent them on their way. Nowadays I get to go in to the hospital for chronic heartburn. This morning I was a wreck. I have a tendency to get myself worked up over going to the hospital. The internet surely doesn't help when you know too much about what their going to do with the endoscopy. So after I got seated in the waiting room I started worrying. It only increased as I got put in the pre-surgery room. The nurse lady was really nice. I think she was one of those people who was really happy with their jobs. It doesn't make sense when a teller at McDonald's is just too happy to serve you, but a nurse I can see. I was given an IV and had to wait for about an hour. Then they pulled me into the operating room. I recognized the gastro doc who gave me the consult to get the procedure done. They then said I would feel sleepy. Then he had me put this tube in my mouth. Then they jammed a tube down my throat. I started gagging and actually reached my arm out take the thing out. I think a nurse actually sat on my arm and the doctor says,"he's nervous give him more demoral and vecicet". I heard a nurse say,"relax". Then I am shook awake. I look around thinking I must've stopped them from doing the surgery. I was like, man now I have to go through this again. Reality is I was asleep and they had done the surgery. Why couldn't they have given me the right amount before they shoved that tube in my mouth? Apparently they took some biopsies of my stomach and the nurse said I had gastritis. Can you have gastritis for 4 years? I won't get the formal results until the end of this month. Once I found out it was over I was so relieved. Imagine getting worked up over just 1 minute of displeasure. I should quit surfing, who knows what I might find next. I can't even remember what life was like before the internet. Wait, oh yeah. We had something called "encyclopedias". Do they make those anymore?

Thought of the Day
Lloyd (Jim Carrey): That's a lovely accent you have there... New Jersey?
Bus stop beauty (Lisa Stothard): Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well then... gooday mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie.
-- Dumb and Dumber

Have you ever had a gut-wrenching fall out of your seat laugh? I was thinking the other day at this one time a long time ago. SH Rider High School, German Class. I was an official class clown. Apparently because my mother always talked with my German teacher I felt like I had special privileges and could crack jokes all of the time. The weird thing about this one time is that no one else knew what I was laughing at. I think it might have been a dirty conjugation of a German word. This pious kid kept on saying it and I couldn't help myself. "Bernardo! What are you laughing at?" says the teacher. My German name was Bernardo, I have no idea why I picked it. I start laughing and the kid keeps on saying it. Eventually I start tearing up and fall out of my desk. The German teacher, Frau Forsythe, says "Go get a drink of water and compose yourself." Unfortunately I was still on the ground laughing and couldn't stand up. I crawl to my desk and try to stop laughing and then I just remembered what happened and it all starts over again. This time I could walk so I went outside of the classroom to get a drink of water. I think I was close to a laugh like that a couple weekends ago when I saw that terrible x-rated band. Let me just say the guy looked like a porcupine, but those weren't quills. I almost hit the ground when I saw it. Even though they were terrible, they sure did make me laugh. Sometimes things are so ridiculous you must laugh.

Thought of the Day

The Black Knight: Have at you!
King Arthur: You're indeed brave sir knight, but the fight is mine.
The Black Knight: Oh, had enough, aye?
King Arthur: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
The Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
The Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
The Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that.
King Arthur: You'll what?
The Black Knight: Come here.
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
The Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: You're a loony.
-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Man, they should not call it "getting a tooth pulled" they should call it "getting a tooth pried". I've never had my neck turned sideways before. I struggled to stay in the chair as the supermodel dentist yanked it from side to side. I actually could hear the bone cracking. She's pretty strong. Finally they got it out. I got the feeling this was not a normal pull. The sucker just wanted to stay in. They gave me the tooth. It does have part of my jawbone attached to it. Anyways, I am back at work with gauze in my mouth and steady supply of vicodin. This Friday I thought I was getting a barium swallow, luckily it was just a consult. But, as a result of that consult I get to go in the hospital on Wednesday for an upper endoscopy. That IMO is much worse. Apparently they get to shove a camera down my throat. Now, as someone who has emetophobia and panic attacks this should be interesting. I am just worrying about having a heart attack on the operating table. Ok, enough about my health, who cares. This weekend I saw Steve Vai in concert. If you look in the images section you will see when he signed a DVD for me. It was the best guitar show I had ever seen. I saw Vai a couple of years ago and he has revamped his show. I'd have to say he is definitely one of the top 4 guitarists of all time. Vaughan, Hendrix and Eric Johnson are the others. I also bought a new guitar. This time it was an Ibanez guitar. They are built for shredding. My current one is built more for tone than shredding. Steve Vai plays an Ibanez. I came home from the concert and played it with the Guitarmaggedon CD. It is so much faster. It's like Billy the kid shaving off the tip of his gun to get a half second jump on his opponent. That's who I am, I am Brian the Kid.

Thought of the Day
Me - "I think you are great. Thanks, I appreciate it."
Vai - "No problem."
- Me getting my DVD signed by Steve Vai. I sometimes say the stupidest things. Of course he's great, duh.

Well, you should notice I finally got around to updating the site. I have turned this into google central. I am a big fan of google. I even own google-fan.com, googlereviewer.com, googville.com, googlite.com, googton.com, g-look.net, g-look.com, g-task.com and gHaggle.com. Those were my attempts at domain squatting and future company ideas. Anyways, I've added some other sections as well. I added a music section, resume section and misc section. Enjoy.

Brian Alden Bass

Well, today I get to try and drink mud(barium). I did that before and I couldn't stomach it. I was only able to drink 1/3 of it and the nurse was mad at me, but they were able to do a diagnosis anyways. It's kind of the same situation with all MRI and X-Rays. You, the human guinia pig, get to be bombarded with some kind of radiation/magnetism and no one wants to be around when it happens. Even the doctors leave the room when it takes place. They put on lead sheilding like you are superman or something. I often wonder what the long term effects of such radiation is. Will my swimmers still swim or will they become mutants? Even at the dentists when they x-ray your teeth, they put a lead vest on you and leave the room. So you're sitting there with something protecting your chest while your head is being bombarded. I guess we really don't need our heads. BTW, for you trivia buffs the man who discovered X-Rays was German scientist Wilhelm Roentgen in 1895. He got the nobel prize, got lots of money and quit science altogether. I wonder if he ever x-rayed himself. I bet that everyone was x-raying themselves back then. They all were like kids playing with toys. "let's see if I can x-ray the cat". The weirdest thing about drinking barium is that they want you to do it laying on your side. Yeah, I drink like that all of the time. Although it is kind of cool afterwards seeing what your insides look like. I remember when I had my skull x-rayed before I was given a copy of the x-ray. It looked all wierd with so much detail I had no idea what I was looking at. It looked like Mr.Potatohead and the guy in the game Operation were both shocked by electricty. I do remember a funny story of an old Sony Camcorder that had the first nightvision. Apparently there was a flaw in it and it saw through peoples clothes. That's the kind of x-rays we all can enjoy.

Thought of the Day
[Navin recites some wisdom]
Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
--
New Accounts Bank Manager: I will need two pieces of identification.
Navin R. Johnson: ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license - and - my astronaut application form... I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.
-- The Jerk

C#add7, Dbmaj9, Bbm7, E11. These are the chords I saw on the sheet music as I sat down at the church orchestra meeting last night. I was like, WTF. There is no way I knew how to play those chords. I know the theory to form those chords, but I can't do it in a split second. I ended up playing C#, Db, Bb, E bar chords to compensate. I could not follow what they were doing. It was amazing however when I did hit a right chord to hear a whole orchestra of strings and trumpets and trombones playing along. It's kinda funny how I can win at guitarmaggeden and then the next night be humbled by an orchestra. The biggest drawback to the whole process is that the orchestra people sight-read all their music. They might practice it Wednesday but they have to play it on Sunday. So should I give up and go back to the band world where its just a bass,drums,guitar and vocals making stuff up, or should I try to learn to read sheet music for guitar? I think it would be fun to play in an orchestra once I get good. I actually think I should take lessons in sight reading. I might be able to eventually be good enough for an orchestra or become a studio musician. It'll be good to fall back on that once my job burnout is complete. I am so glad I didn't bring my electric. I was playing acousticly and didn't plug in so the whole orchestra didn't hear what I was playing. I can imagine what it would've sounded like had I been mic'd. You would've heard "plunk, splat" and other noises coming from my guitar as I was trying to figure out where I was. It wasn't really a tryout of me for the orchestra. It was a tryout of the orchestra for me. They asked if I wanted to come back (obviously they hadn't heard) and I said maybe in the future when I can sight read better. We shall see.

Thought of the Day
Only the pure in heart can make a good soup.
Ludwig Van Beethoven

Yesterday saw the first level of Guitarmaggedon. I had been practicing a little for the event. I got there and a judge had failed to show up so we had to wait a half and hour for a new judge to show up. I was running out of being warmed up it took so long. I warm up by starting off on my scales and gradually get faster and faster. Anyway, we all got sequestered into a room and signed our names and picked the order we would go on. No one wants to go on first. Luckily I went on 3rd. There were 5 people so it was a good draw. I realized as I was leaving the room that I was the oldest guitarist there. Most of them were 18-24. I thought, hmm maybe an advantage. Then I go out and listen to the first guy. Everyone was nervous. Even I got a little nervous before I went up. I guess it has to do with being the sole one that everyone is looking at. The first guy had a little technical difficulty and missed some notes. The second guy was kind of slow. I go out there and instead of standing up I decide to start off by sitting down. Then 6 measures into it I jump off the chair and get into guitar stance 101. Guitar stance 101 is similiar to a karate stance except you grip the guitar and point it at the audience. Then close to the end I put the guitar behind my head and play. So my style was definitely on. My guitar playing wasn't as I had practiced it. Luckily, a good guitar player knows how to make mistakes sound like it was intended by playing it all in key. In the end I had reverted to Jimi Hendrix technicality. Hendrix was the greatest, but moments of drug-induced playing sounded like he was just playing anything without reason. That was kind of what I did(without the drugs). In the end they were able to pick the top 2 to go to the store finals. I was called first. I got a t-shirt and a 10% off card. So come March 22nd I must be ready to complete against better people. Or maybe I should retire while I'm ahead...

Thought of the Day
Dr. Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Capt. Clarence Oveur: I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: No, I mean, I'm just not sure.
Dr. Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack: You can't take a guess "for another two hours"?
Capt. Clarence Oveur: No, no, no, I mean we can't land for another two hours.
-- Airplane

Today is the first day of Guitarmaggedon - the American Idol of guitarists. I have been practicing a routine for tonight and feel confident that I can win, well sort of. For some reason I have difficulty in setting the amp to the right settings. In the past I have - turned it up too loud, had too much reverb, and have had a cord fall out of my guitar. This time I am going really early and am going to practice on the equipment there. Also I have not done this in two years and I have definitely improved in my stage presence and playing. The guy who won it last year was really good. He used his guitar like a drum while he was shredding. Then tomorrow I am going to the church to try out for their orchestra as a backup guitarist. That would be soo cool if I could do it. The only downside is I might have to get up really early on Sundays. On the plus side, about 20,000 people who attend will see me play and I'll get on their national broadcast. Also, I will have to shift some of my priorities around to manage it all. I think I am becoming a real guitarist. Like someone who can do anything on guitar, all I have to do is imagine it. I just have to remember to pull my pants up and my shirt down before I put the guitar behind my head.

Thought of the Day
"I really cannot comprehend how stupid people can be sometimes. Can you comprehend it?"
"No, I can't comprehend it."
"I mean, we can put a man on the moon but we're still basically very stupid. The guy who's car this is, he could be one of the guys that built the rocket. You see what I'm saying?"
"Well, yeah, he can build the rocket, but he's still stupid for double-parking and blocking somebody in."
"So you really understand my point about building the rocket and double-parking?"
"On the one hand he's smart with rockets and on the other hand he's dumb with parking."
- George and Kramer in "The Dinner Party"