On Friday after I went to go work out and was 10 minutes into the treadmill when I decided "screw it, it's my birthday weekend, I'll do what I want." I then decided I was going to have the perfect fast food meal. So I went to McDonald's and got their fries, went to Wendy's and got a chocolate frosty, went to Pizza Hut and got a personal pan pizza and went to Sonic and got a double cheeseburger. That, IMO, is the perfect fast food meal. I couldn't finish it all, but it was a taste explosion, no bite was lacking. I think I was on a food high afterwords. I remember that movie "super size me" where the guy said he had all the signs of a real addiction. I can see that. There's got to be something in the food. Then Mr.T came over and helped clean up for the future party. Then my new band came over and we jammed. On Saturday I took it easy and watched a movie and programmed for that interview I was talking about. Sunday was a big day. I went to Church, Sunday school, and fed the homeless and then took off early from feeding to go to the store and get stuff for my Birthday BBQ Bash. I went all out this time and got rib eye and t-bone steaks, hamburgers and hot dogs. I also restocked my bar, as it had not been in use in months. I became a connoisseur and cooked some very good tasting steaks, it was so much better than the $30 kind you find at your local steak-shop. I stuffed myself with food and had some drinks. I guess I needed to release some "turning 30" tension. I had a blast. We watched "Groundhog Day"(one of my favs) on the projector and then I had some more musicians come over and we jammed till 5am in the morning. I got a little toasty, but it was in my house and I wasn't going anywhere. A lot of Tito's cousins were there. They stayed the latest. The problem was that most of them didn't speak English. I don't know any Spanish, but I did know "me casa, su casa" (my house is your house). Which I guess they took literally, cause they were there till 1pm the next day. I had to hint to them to leave, cause I was having my Sunday School over at 2 for another party. This party was a little more tame. We played skip-bo and trivial pursuit. Then we went to Chilis and I finished the weekend with a very good cheeseburger and their brownie explosion. I am still full today. So I would say I had a very good Birthday. I am glad to have so many friends. I occasionally would overhear the words "manana" from Tito's cousins. That was when I was like,"see, today is manana."

Thought of the Day
"Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think's gonna be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?"
- George, in "The Raincoats"

Last night I was able to watch all of the Star Wars "Clone Wars" cartoon. I can now tell you what happened to make General Grievous cough. I recommend watching the cartoon before seeing the movie. It actually made the movie make more sense. The cartoon ends right where the movie begins. So I am about to give away the ending of the cartoon. General Grievous smoked 3 packs a day. J/K. Apparently Mace Windu was trying to stop General Grievous from stealing Chanceler Palpatine and he used the force to break apart his lung container. Thus he now coughs. General Grievous is really cool in the cartoons, but in the movie we all questioned why he was there. I now know the answer is to appease the cartoon watchers. The cartoon can be found on Bit-torrent - the latest in file-sharing utilities. People often wonder what my stance is on file-sharing. It really depends on the intent of the person downloading it. If the intent is to distribute things commercially for profit then it is stealing. If the intent is to have a backup copy of something you have already seen then it is fair use. Keep in mind in the computer world you are not taking anything from anyone, you are putting duplicate bits on your computer. So it is not sharing or stealing, it is copying. In today's day and age though, the new term "intellectual property" is coined so that copies are now considered stealing as well. The idea is that after we already have physically shared our thoughts with others we still own those thoughts, even after people use it. For example, say I take a book like Tom Sawyer and I want to share it. I would write each sentence down and give it 100 people. After a while all of those people would have an exact copy of Tom Sawyer leaving the original intact. But, I never wrote Tom Sawyer. Was it mine to share? Well, I paid money for the book, it was my property then. If I own something I should have the right to copy it and give it to others for free. What if I stood on a stage and read Tom Sawyer aloud and others heard me. Should they pay the creator? They are recieving the direct thought coming right out of me that is coming right out of the book. Instead, when we buy a book we still are not the owners of the idea. What in effect happens is that property rights have become lessened. We never really own anything. It becomes so that only people who create are owners. This system works for the most part, but it has many drawbacks. The law itself is skewed to the max. A recent bill got passed that put a 10-year jail sentence on file-sharers who put something out before it is released. So let me get this straight, you can murder, rape and pillage and maybe get 5 years, but file-sharing is worse than that? See in this country the real property owners(the creators) have all of the rights in the world. Because they make the most money, they lobby and get the most rights. Consumers are denigrated to thieves and have no property rights even though they may purchase said property. What is happening is similar to Object Oriented programming. We own just one instance of an object when we purchase it and not the object itself. It gets kept in our memory, and in reality we can anything we want with it, but the creator forbids us. So what do you think you own? What do you have that someone else hasn't created? For most of us, we own nothing. We have no property rights, no lobbies and can get sued to death for copying. That's my biggest gripe about the whole thing, creators have too many rights. I'm not saying they shouldn't have any, it's just that real physical owners need rights too and not just creators. viva la revolution! Anyways, just had to get that off my chest. Happy Memorial Day! I guess since I'm 30 I'm becoming more cynical.

Thought of the Day
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Robin Williams

As I am now job browsing I have been running across several different opportunities. I tend to concentrate on the best ones. The Microsoft gig would've been great, but now I am concentrating on another one. This is a well know consulting company that is looking for "The Best of the Best" all across the country. It's like the Top Gun job of Software Architecture work. At least my resume was able to put me in the category of "The Best" but now they want to determine if I am in the top of that class. So I was given the hardest tech screen ever. This beat out Microsoft easily as far as tech screens go. Matter of fact I have never heard of such a practice. The assignment - "Given requirements and sample data - Create a complete data driven windows application in 48 hours". Keep in mind that kind of work is usually accomplished in 6 months, let alone 48 hours. To top it off, since I still have a job my hours were limited. I think I spent a total of 24 hours to make it. I was told that out of 20 candidates they only take 1 and most people don't even finish. So the odds are highly against me getting this, but at least I was able to do what others could not. I finished it. I was up till 6:30am this morning. Sometimes when I get challenged I dive right into it, as was the case. If you want to download it go to

http://blml.org/BrianBass.zip

Unzip it and click on the msi file in the install directory to start the setup.

It really won't hurt that much if I don't get it - it is in Cleveland and I would have to commute to it(with a traveling allowance), but the thought that I was able to pull off what most people can't do sure does inflate my ego(it doesn't need it). Unfortunately I wasn't able to wow myself with my own design patterns. It was kind of a developer klooge(word meaning to throw something together), but what do you expect for 24 hours work? I called in sick this morning(sick, meaning needing sleep) and slept for 5 hours. I am now back at work ready to be a glorified document writer, after having accomplished something so much different.

Thought of the Day
Alex Rogan: There's no fleet, no Starfighters, no plan. One ship, you me, and that's it?
Grig: Exactly. Xur thinks you're still on Earth. Classic military strategy: surprise attack.
Alex Rogan: It'll be a slaughter!
Grig: That's the spirit!
Alex Rogan: No, my slaughter!
-- The Last Starfighter

I watched American Idol last night. Now that it is down to the final two I don't know who to go for. I want to go for the rocker, because well I'm a rocker, but the hot girl is easy on the eyes and I think she sings better. It's a tough one. It was so tough I decided not to vote. Now I know you're saying to yourself,"but if you don't vote you can't complain." However I think it is pretty easy to complain, even without voting. I still have time to vote and I just might text message it in, but this is one of the most important decisions a person can make. To vote for Bo Bice or Carrie Underwear(er.. Underwood). I am not sure. Is long hair coming back on guys? When I was in high school I tried it and was only able to get it to go down to my shoulder in classic mullet fashion. It started to curl once it was long. I think all of my high school career was one bad hair day. I suppose if my hair was straight I would've had more girlfriends. The girls seem to love long straight hair on American Idol. There is a website somewhere with tons of pictures of mullets. Now that they are coming back I might grow it again. I still don't know which decision is more important, to grow a mullet or to vote on American Idol. Help me decide.

Thought of the Day
My future family...

I've been reading my web logs and I like looking at the searches that people come into this site looking for. Yesterday was a landmark day as I had 16 visitors, the most ever. The most requested search phrase is General Grievous Coughing. I am currently in the process of finding out why he is coughing and will get back to ya'll. So for now, have a look at the top 25 searches:

Top 25 Keywords:

General Grievous coughing (Yahoo) 6 "Russ, your feet, your feet Russ" (Google) 3 "greg chillin" (Yahoo) 1 toupee (Yahoo) 1 GENERAL GRIEVOUS COUGHING? (Yahoo) 1 "hit the rack" definition (Yahoo) 1 Toys movie trailer Robin Williams (Yahoo) 1 general grievous movies lines (Yahoo) 1 upper endoscopy vicodin (Yahoo) 1 general grievous, sick (Yahoo) 1 "seinfeld" elaine "i hate this" toupee (Google) 1 weird science every night on the telephone (Yahoo) 1 german writting comedy (Yahoo) 1 "Will Farrell" downloads (MSN) 1 where george lucas got his ideas from comedy (Yahoo) 1 kitt fisto (AltaVista) 1 "you're a pimp, you look like" (MSN) 1 woodbelly Dallas (Yahoo) 1 lisa stothard (MSN) 1 ' Largest Bagel ' (Yahoo) 1 www.google photos (Yahoo) 1 maced hollywood star wars opening (Yahoo) 1 80's movie montages (Yahoo) 1 mooning definition (Yahoo) 1 background of robin williams (MSN) 1

Thought of the Day
"Wait a minute. Do I have to ask?"
"Well, I ran out of butter, so I had to borrow yours. Anything else, Mr. Nosey?"
"Why are you buttering your face?"
"I'm shaving with it."
"Oh, Moses smell the roses!"
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Butter Shave"

This weekend was a bit different. I watched the Smallville season finale on Friday. It was much better than the season itself. Friday night at 1am my brother came and took me to his place cause I was helping him run sound the next day. I woke up around 7am on Saturday and went with him to a park opening ceremony first. He set it up and was able to get the sound running right. I helped moved the speakers in and out of the trailer. Then me and another guy took the rest of the equipment to a festival called Yuppiefest. My band was supposed to play there. I helped unload all of the speakers. Then while we were doing sound, Grant stood out in the seats and told me which mics to pull up or down to get the sound just right. The equipment sounded really good. There was this one band we had played for in the past up on stage and the bass player was wearing a Corporate Red T-Shirt. It made me miss my band. Anyway, it was also 100 degrees out there, and probably hotter on the concrete amphitheater. I think I sweated a couple of pounds off. Everyone had water, but some drummers got sick. One guy's jaw wouldn't open until he got in the shade. Talk about weird. Then late Saturday night my bass player stops by, takes me home and he had a drummer and Tito come over and we jammed. On Sunday I just went to Church and Sunday school and didn't do the homeless this week, but I did give the guys what was left of the Corporate Red t-shirts to give to them. It's probably going to be weird next time I go to see homeless people all wearing Corporate Red shirts. I suppose it's fitting. After Sunday School I went home and had to get some work done that I am behind on. I watched movies while I was doing it. I saw the movie "Easy Rider" for the first time. I think I am becoming an expert on hippie culture. Apparently in the late 60s the hippies all thought that there were people from Venus walking the earth. They smoke pot and talk about the Venutians. It reminded me of Jimi Hendrix's movie "Rainbow Bridge". There also were a lot of communes. City kids who found a plot of land and tried to get things to grow so they didn't have to work. It was funny cause they didn't realize they were working. That was when hippy culture was in style. Nowadays people realize the things about it that made them leave, no one bathed and they lose motivation once they smokeout. The anti-hippy culture was weird too. The biggest thing that people hated about it was their hair. "Get a haircut" could be heard throughout the country. I blame the Beatles Moptops for all of societies ills. That's what the world needs, a haircut.

Thought of the Day
"Now here's the lowdown. Through a certain connection, I've been able to locate some black market shower heads. They're all made in the former Yugoslavia. And from what I hear, the Serbs are fanatic about their showers."
"Not from the footage I've seen."
- Newman and Jerry, in "The Shower Head"

As my dreaded 30th birthday is coming I am reminded of all my past birthdays. It is really cool having a birthday at the end of May and on Memorial Day. Summer is beginning, school is just getting out, kids want to party, and along comes my birthday, a perfect excuse to party. I have never not had a party, except for my infamous 21st birthday. The party memories begin when I was 7 and living in Alaska. I got my first tent and we all had a campout party. All my friends came over and there was cake and ice cream and presents(standard fare). As I got older my parties evolved into pizza and cake and ice cream and B-rated movies. The B-Rated movies were movies like "The Stuff" and "Microwave Massacre". They were funny to watch but interesting enough to wonder how it got produced. I would always have 4-8 people at my parties. Some kids would come and wouldn't be sociable. Others would leave around midnight. I remember we put shaving cream on kitty and would chase her around the neighborhood. We had water balloon fights. Swimming also was beginning around that time, so we would swim before we had pizza. One time there was this guy who was a friend of my brother's who no one else knew who stayed at the party till the next afternoon. Everyone was like,"Who is that guy?" Another time there was a friend who somehow got the dates mixed up and thought my party was the next day. Last year I had that couple that slept in my bed and the guy who was in my bathroom for over an hour. My 21st birthday I was working for a moving company during the summer. I woke up at 5:30am and didn't get home until 1am. I worked the whole day. I think the moving company got an earful from my mom as everyone was wondering where I was. As I reach 30 I am still thinking I have to have a party. Most people don't for some reason. I can see why, it gets depressing being older. I think there is some magical age where you go from celebrating your birthday to dreading it. That age seems to be 30.

Thought of the Day
"Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing."
- Jerry, trying not to be funny, in "The Visa"

Last night I was at the premier of Star Wars. Even though I had seen it two weeks earlier I had to go, just for the hoopla. I was busy the whole evening, happy hours, guys night out and finally Star Wars at 12:02AM. It was me, Peetey, Mr.Turkentine, and Benz at the opening premiere. I bought tickets a couple of weeks ago online so we didn't have to wait to get tickets. Then when we got to the theater at 10:45 they had already seated for our theater. We didn't wait in line at all. That was pretty good. Now for the darkside of the story. You humble narrator decided to dress up like Darth Vader. I had the Darth Vader mask and wore a black outfit with a Jedi T-Shirt and I had my Darth Vader ForceFX lightsaber. It was cool. There really weren't many people in costumes. Maybe a handful, so we got a lot of attention. Peetey of course was a little embarrassed, but I wasn't embarrassed because well, I was wearing a mask. The second we walk into the theater this group of girls wants to take their picture with me. It was like I was a movie star. Then this really hot girl who was dressed as Leia in the metal bikini took her picture with me. She said she worked at NBC and it was a real metal bikini. I got to put my arm around her as we took the picture, man it was sweet. Unfortunately she left before the movie started for some reason. Maybe she was actually in another theater. I wish I could've got her number. This theater we were in wasn't digital so I was able to compare it with the digital version. I was a little different. Some scenes had blurriness in the background windows where in the digital version it was clear. Also it looked like the digital version had extended the scenes for just a second more. I was tired and even fell asleep for a little of the first hour. Once the second hour hits though it is nonstop action. I think this is the best out of all of the movies, but others will disagree. There were some kids who were pointing at me and telling their parents, "There's Darth Vader." and I would turn on the sound effects in my Darth Vader mask. I could've sworn that I heard someone in line for the drinks say ,"dork!" but really I think he was saying "Darth!"

Thought of the Day
"Too bad you couldn't do *that* for a living... You'd be very successful at it. You could sell out Madison Square Garden. Thousands of people could watch you. You could be a big star!"
- George's mother, chastising her son for treating his body like "an amusement park," in "The Contest"

Well, it happened. Corporate Red is dead. My band broke up last night, with me leading the way. Over the past couple of months we have faded and I had to be the one to put the nail in the coffin. It was time. I am very sad to see us break up. The guys in Corporate Red will always be like brothers to me. We were very much a family, if maybe a little dysfunctional. It was a friendly break up and I am on good terms with all the members. I had evaluated the situation and knew it was time due to member conflicts and lack of practice and lack of new music and lack of styles meshing. I am feeling depressed right now. I know that everything that I love doing is gone. I love playing in a band, that is gone. I loved my Grandma, she is gone. I loved eating fatty foods, that is gone. I love being in my twenties, that will soon be gone. Over time I can see that God is leading me in a completely different direction than I desired. I feel like I have a control-alt-delete on my life. Like I am being rebooted. I will always remember Corporate Red and the good times we had. From our first show at Across the Street Bar to our last show at Club Clearview. We definitely were a band to be reckoned with. We released two CDs with great music on it. I remember opening up for a national band called "Zebrahead". I remember seeing inside their really cool bus owned by Sony. I remember playing at 2 talent shows in front of thousands of people and I remember even winning 1st place in the talent show. I remember me playing "time of our life" on the violin on stage. I remember even playing the keyboard on our first show. I remember seeing Jay drum like a madman, Kevin sing his heart out, Wayne thump his bass out, and Tito rock his guitar out. I remember signing my first fan's converse shoes. I remember a young fan tell me that when I put the guitar behind my head and played and span around that that was the greatest thing he had ever seen and I was the best guitarist ever. I remember going to LA and getting advice from the music lawyer who discovered Smash Mouth. I remember hearing from fans that my national anthem rendition was the coolest they've heard. I remember signing albums and signing t-shirts while the girls were wearing them. I remember sweating up a storm on stage and getting a wild look in my eye as I start to play our songs. I remember having more fans than the "Feds" who are now signed. I remember seeing hundreds of people at our shows, all screaming for more. I loved it all, even when I fell on stage at the last show. What's next for me? Honestly I don't know. God has been gracious enough to give me two gifts - guitar and programming. I need to do both to live out my passions and be content and happy. How I do them is another story. I've been writing Christian songs and might go that route. However, I wonder what would happen if I unleashed my skills as a blues guitarist to the world. Or I might try the alt.rock style again, or I might try a rock cover band and make it a paying hobby. Job wise I am in flux right now. I am actually stepping up at the IRS right now and am going to create some special projects that teach other developers how to code c# properly. Hopefully that will motivate me, although our team is self-destructing right now and I am not sure that the project I am on will last. However, I am still looking. I have learned a lesson this past year. Personal success should not be based on money but on happiness and job satisfaction. Jobwise, I was much happier making a lot less than I am now. I left a couple of jobs just for the money. It is not worth it to make so much money and not be happy. Believe it or not I might have a job lead to Iraq. Maybe an adventure is just what I need. I could be a traveling consultant or join the peace corp teaching computers as well. The peace corp would be cool, but I'd have to sell my house or rent it out,(not cool). My resume is out there and I vow that I will find my place. I suppose all of this change is causing me an identity crisis. I seem to remember hearing that it happens around this age. My work and band life has just been rotting in plain sight of me and things have to change. The things I love to do are gone. Time to start over. Keep in mind that most of this is just talk, but you never know. Corporate Red will always be the band that almost made it. Check out our site and download our songs. They won't be there much longer.

http://www.corporatered.com/
http://www.purevolume.com/corporatered
http://www.myspace.com/corporatered


Thought of the Day
"All Things Must Pass" - George Harrison

Let's see, it's been a while since I talked about off-beat stuff. Since I am supposed to do 23 Visio diagrams documenting VB code this week and have only done 1 so far(no motivation) I figure I'll talk about the latest offbeat news. There is one article about the latest Star Wars movie being anti-Bush. Yeah right. This is a cool movie, not political satire. Apparently any movie that has a war in it is anti-Bush, especially someone who starts wars, like say Hitler. I'm sorry, but the anti-war people need to find something better to do. The same goes for the inevitable outcry of Christian conservatives who look at the movie as being anti-Christlike since they talk about eternal life in it. Why do people look to movies for some kind of meaning? They are in the end, just movies. It's not as if I'm going to watch Star Wars and am going to come out of the movie and go ,"You know Bush was wrong, because he's like Emperor Palpatine therefore Bush is evil." or "Jesus is wrong because you can find eternal life in the force." Who thinks like that? I'll tell you who, people who already have their mind set on finding satire in everything, or people who want to write articles for newspapers. Anyways, enough ranting, in other news TV is coming to end this week. The Smallville finale hopefully will be good. Everybody Loves Raymond was an ok finale, although comedies shouldn't be sappy. Survivor ended(I haven't watched it in years) and The Apprentice finale is there as well. Honestly I didn't like anyone on the Apprentice. They all reminded me of a past job I had where everyone was petty. There doesn't seem to be any superstars like there were in the previous years, yet somehow I still watch. TV really has gotten bad these past couple of years, even the shows I like are starting to get bad. I think Hollywood has run out of ideas. I'm going to start a new reality show on my life. I'll call it "The Job Hopper Rocker". They'll interview my friends whenever I do something stupid. It should be a comedy and filled with lots of interviews.

Thought of the Day
"What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"
"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
"Well, I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."
"No, no, I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be."
"Well, I'm just trying to get ahead."
"I'm sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."
"I don't even really work here."
"That's what makes this so difficult."
- Kramer and Mr. Leland, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

Well this weekend was a good weekend. I brought my laptop home to get some work done, but as usual it never happened. On Friday I had some friends over and we jammed. I actually had pizza, it had been a month. It was pretty good but the heartburn was soon to follow. I didn't get to bed until 3am. Then on Saturday morning I had Peety come over and wake me up to get to the local Sci Fi expo. It was pretty cool, there were stormtroopers, Darth Vader and even a Boba Fett walking around in costumes. I bet I see them Wednesday night at midnight when I go to the world premiere. The guy who was in the original Darth Vader costume, David Prowse, was there signing autographs. Saturday night I went to Deep Ellum to a Christian music club and saw this old guy play with his acoustic guitar. He was in the "77's", a Christian Rock band. He played pretty good acoustic and his lyrics reminded me of Bob Dylan meets Bon Jovi - long flowing sentences in a high pitched yell. Then on Sunday I did the usual church, Sunday School, homeless thing. This time when I went into church a member of my class wanted me to sit with them. So I did. The problem is that they sit on the second row, no more that 20 feet away from everything. I got the feeling 15,000 people were staring at the back of my head. When we went to feed the homeless I watched an old lady get maced by a cop for stealing his radio. She grabbed it off of him and started swinging it around. Everybody started coughing and I looked away, just in case(emetophobic). I got home around 7 just in time for the Simpsons and new Family Guy that was pretty good. Anyway, I will probably be busy until next week. Then I might be able to get some rest. I am still thinking about my future and all, I so want to work a place I can work at for 10 years or more. That'd be cool. This time I am going to be patient and discerning. I think there were a couple of jobs I've taken in the past that were very impulsive. What was I thinking?

Thought of the Day
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
Scott Adams

I have updated the photos section with pics from my recent trip to Hillville for my grandma's funeral. I will probably take the pic of grandma down once my family has downloaded it. There's that oogy feelin again...

Today I'd like to talk about a disease that is not widely know but should be. It afflicts millions of drivers every year and is known as Road Rage's Little Brother. That disease is called Road Sarcasm. I experienced a bout with that this morning. As I was driving to work I was cut off 3 times and then the drivers in front of me proceeded to slow down. Road sarcasm is for repressed white middle Americans who need find other ways of venting anger than road rage. Such comments could be heard flying from my car like "I was just thinking to myself, I need someone to pull out in front of me." and "Man you are driving like a bat out of hell, you need to slow down" and "I wonder if you could go slower, it's not like I need to get anywhere." and "I always wanted someone who could pull out in front me, I think you're the one." and the always witty,"Thank you, thank you so much, what was I thinking, driving the speed limit like that." Road sarcasm is caused by pent up road rage. First a driver will do something stupid like pull out in front of the infected driver and slow down. The infected driver will then experience a slight bout of internal road rage. Being a repressed white middle American the only thing left to do is to use sarcasm to alleviate the tension. It does work, but unfortunately no one else knows of this affliction. Road sarcasm can be fatal if there is someone else in the car who doesn't get it. "Go Slower?? Are you crazy??" can be heard by passengers listening to such a diatribe. The only way to alleviate this disease unfortunately is an act of congress, requiring all drivers to be repressed white middle Americans, and that will never happen. Road sarcasm is a serious disease that affects us all. Blogger sarcasm, well that's another story.

Thought of the Day
"Hot dog?"
"No thanks. I'm watching my weight."
"Oh. I'm watching my height. My doctor doesn't want me to get any taller."
- Jerry and Miss Rhode Island, in "The Chaperone"

So there I was, a young strapping lad at the age of 22, working nights at the local convienence store, Eagle Mart, to make ends meet. Aside from the fact that I was working from 11pm to 7am in the morning, and aside from the fact that there was no security system, I was all alone in that store and I loved it. One thing that bothered me though was all of the customers. A couple of times I got robbed(kids stealing beer). The first time a 12 year old boy took a whole case of beer and ran out the door. I then proceeded to run after him and he fell and I grabbed his shoe. He dropped a 12 pack and then got up and proceeded to run faster than any man has ever ran. He ran across a field and jumped in the back of gang's car. I could've been shot, but at least I saved the beer. I called the police, but I was freaked out a little. I couldn't believe someone would actually steal something, I couldn't fathom why. The next incident happened when some friends came in to talk to me. All of a sudden behind them runs this teenager with a case of beer. That time I decided not to run after them and proceeded to call the police. But none of those stories matches the phone call I got at 1am. I pick up the phone and there is this old man on the other end that sounds like my grandpa. He said he works at an adoption agency in Oklahoma and drove by and noticed I had the right build that they were looking for and that my genes were in high demand. He then proceeds to tell me that could buy my testicles for $75,000 each. He talks about the medical procedure and goes into great detail about freezing my seed so I can have children when I want to. He then talks about the replacement ones and how the "other guys in the shower won't be able to tell the difference". Keep in mind, this guy sounds like my grandpa. I actually thought this was a legitimate thing. After a long conversation of me asking questions like, "Will my voice change?" I hung up and told him I would consider it and can he call me back the next day. After the phone call all I could do was think about me, a lowly college student, getting $150,000 for my balls. I was like, wow, I can't believe this is happening, imagine all of the stuff I could buy. The next day I told my friend peetey about it. He was like,"Cut them puppies off!". When I told my mom about it she was like,"No WAY! You are not cutting your balls off." I guess that nipped that in the bud. The guy never called back anyways. About a year later an article appeared in the Wichita Falls paper. Apparently this old man had been caught and he had done the same thing to convienence store workers across the city. I can just imagine all of the conversations and debates that raged in their households. To cut or not to cut, that is the question. Would you sell yours?

Thought of the Day
"I've been reviewing Darren's internship journal. Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman?"
"Well, it all sounds pretty glamourous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica."
"Far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is little more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken."
- Dean Jones and Kramer, in "The Voice"

Well the job I was going for at Microsoft declined, saying it was "very very close". Nevertheless it was good to catch up on my interviewing skills and coding techniques. My current job is going to go from bad to worse. Instead of 2 people to a cube we are getting rid of the walls and are going to have 15 people in one large cube. I call it going from a prison cell into the general population. My medical insurance is also not very good, costing me thousands of dollars just for the procedure where they stuck a camera down my throat just so they can tell me I am fine. Well, I have had many jobs. A lot of people don't really understand what it is like to be a contractor. For instance, my current contract will expire this September, so even if I wanted to stay it might not happen. However, the odds are high that they want to keep me, they even offered back in January. For the older people, the concept also eludes them. Loyalty and contracting are an oxymoron. Why should I be loyal to a company that is going to get rid of me anyways? Some people think I am not very good, going from job to job. However, that is a falsehood. Some jobs just end. The fact that I am able to finish them is a selling point as well. I am actually giving myself a promotion and a raise by being a contractor. In seven years I have gained a 150% raise from when I started and have created at least 7 different applications for major companies using different technologies on all of them. How many permanent employees can say that? Luckily the stability I have is in my knowledge. I am always on the cutting edge and always am learning new things. That is the part I love. I can't imagine working on the same language and technology for 7 years. It takes a certain type of personality to be contractor. However, I would've loved to work at Microsoft as a permanent employee. That is the epitome of being a software architect. From there you can maintain a high degree of respect all throughout the software world. At that point the job would be to become an expert on new Microsoft technologies and implement them, all for just one company. Oh well, back to forming my own company and taking over the world.

Thought of the Day
Pinky : " Gee, Brain what do you want to do tonight?"
Brain : "The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world!"
-- Pinky and the Brain

So there I was at my grandmother's funeral and my mom had put out some photo albums for everyone to view. On the third page was a picture of me when I was seven. I was holding up something and showing my great aunt Esther. The caption read,"Brian shows Aunt Esther his moose turd." I looked at that caption and thought to myself, "I can't believe this is in here, I wonder what people are thinking..." Here's the explanation. When I was a kid growing up in Alaska, moose turds were a common occurrence. They were commonly referred to as moose nuggets. The Eskimos unbelievably used them as jewelry. They were little hard round things that looked like chocolate eggs. They would wrap them in gold and make earrings out of them. This one time my mother sent me to a week long cub scout camp. Apparently we were left to run amok, because I don't remember any adults there at all. I never bathed and was asked to do everything and if I didn't want to do it, I didn't have to. It was cool. However a child left to his own devices will surely do some weird stuff. Aside from the fact that I was completely covered in dirt, I liked to run around the forest. While all the other kids were picking up rocks and sticks I was picking up moose nuggets. I had quite a collection and even had one I stowed away on my suitcase. I put it in my lego jar. So there I was playing with legos and my mom says, "what is that?" And thus the story of how I had a moose nugget spread. That summer when we went on vacation I brought my legos and I had my moose nugget with them. I guess I was playing like it was a person in my lego houses I built. Mom was sure to point it out to all my relatives. My grandparents on both sides, my cousins, my aunts, everyone knew Brian has a moose turd. And now there I was at the funeral of my grandmother and there on page 3 was my moose turd. I suppose it ended up being a member of the family to introduce to people, even worthy of pictures. I should've named it. I think I'll call him cocoa. "Cocoa! Cocoa!"

Thought of the Day
Jerry: Hey, last night, I found a whole weeble village right behind the e-Z Bake oven.
Elaine: E-Z Bake oven?
[Ding] who wants cupcakes?
George: Ooh. Me, me, me, me.
Jerry: You know, that batter is like 30 years old.
Frank: you step on it, and it flushes.
Elaine: Why is your father giving a Tour of a rest stop?
George: Oh, don't look. This is the part where they change me.
Elaine: You're like 8 years old.
Estelle: Georgie!
--Seinfeld: The Merv Griffin Show

Well, I have been away at my grandmother's funeral for the past three days, so I figure I would update ya'll as to the happening. My plane flight there was very easy, except for the getting up at 5:30am part. Somehow I was able to do it. I had a three hour layover in Atlanta and had to wait in their airport. I was lucky on the way there, both flights I had no one sitting next to me, even though the rest of the plane was full. During that time I got caught up in the book "50 ways to improve your C#", it is a must have for good developers. When I arrived I got a rental car and drove all the way to Brackenridge Pennsylvania(an hour away). I drove through Pittsburgh. I then went to my first ever viewing. It was kinda freaky. There is just something so lifeless about it. It makes me feel all oogy. I've been lucky, being 29 and not ever having seen a dead body. To top it off, my mom made me get a picture of the body. I had someone else do it. However, now I have a picture of it my computer. There's that oogy feeling again. After that I got to talk with all of my cousins. I haven't seen them in years and it was good to reacquainted. They are all older and have families of their own. It made me feel old as well. Later that evening I went into the hotel bar and had some drinks with my sister. Her baby is the cutest ever. He even has a little carotenemia, just like his uncle(it's gone away since I quit drinking as much V-8). I'll post pictures later in the week. The funeral was very good. My grandma was a great women who taught reading to hundred of kids over 32 years. She was also active in the church and the local library. The service was good and I even got up in the pulpit and said a few words. I had found some good scripture and was able to tie it in with her life. My sister got up as well and spoke, sans the scripture. At the reception I was able to talk some more with all of my cousins and we took some group pictures. I don't know if there ever was a time when we all were together. It was nice. On Friday night I drove mom up to Hillville and went to the family cabin. It was good to be there. I have a lot of fond memories. We had a cookout and socialized. I wanted to stay but had to get mom back to the hotel. Along the way mom was alerting me to every sign on the road. It's good to know, just in case I forget how to read. On Saturday I actually walked to the local Subway across from the hotel and then went to the airport. I had a show that night and had to get back. I was glad to be back, but I was tired, having been in a car for an hour and a couple of planes for 4 hours. The show was pretty good. I signed a women's corporate red t-shirt while she was wearing it. One embarrassing moment happened. During the show I stood up on the drum riser and proceeded to jump off of it. My feet buckled and down I came to the ground. I think I bruised my knee. But a split second after it happened I jumped up and played a cord, as if to say, I'm ok. After our show I went to another club and say "Fair to Midland", now they were a band that is going to make it. On Sunday I slept in, but I still went to feed the homeless. I watched the new "Family Guy" as well. That show still has the humor. Anyway, now that I am back at work I sense change in the air. I wonder.

Thought of the Day
Randy: There's been a little problem in the cockpit, and I was . . .
Ted Striker: The cockpit--what is it?
Randy: It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.
-- Airplane

Well, I just got back from a special screening of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and I just have to give a complete review. Actually it is going to be a two part review, one for normal movie goers and another for the Star Wars fans.

A Normal Person's View:
At the beginning of the movie I was overwhelmed. Hundreds of ships flying all over the place and it went by so fast I couldn't see what was going on. It was all one massive blob of effects. It was kind of confusing. Eventually I got some clarity and was able to concentrate on the people in the little ships. There were exploding things right and left and then these little robots attach themselves to Obi-wan's wing. Anakin was a good shooter and I thought, wow this guy is good. He even shot at a force field and let their ships fly into the enemy ship. All of a sudden obi wan jumps out of his ship while landing in a motion higher than any human can jump. I was like - that's a little too much suspension of disbelief. It was when the Jedis entered General Grievous (the bad guys) bridge that I started actually noticing the detail. I was watching it on a completely digital theater and the clarity of the movie astounded me the whole way through.

General grievous kept on coughing. It made him seem like a sick person more than a general. He wasn't ominous at all. It also looked like he was limping when he walked. I suppose somehow he was a Jedi, but it didn't seem that way. He seemed like a sick robot. Meanwhile the special effects of the ship started to detract me from the plot. I look around at the consoles and can see lifelike details and ships flying by the windows with realistic explosions. All the while the dialog is going on I am mesmerized by the scenery. I do pay attention a little, and there is some comic relief with R2-D2 trying to help the Jedi’s by manipulating the elevator, but it was the level of detail that amazed me from the beginning. It was like I was taken to another world.

Obi-wan did a good job showing his emotions. I could feel obi-wan being buds with Anakin and also being his mentor. You could tell they had a good relationship. His lightsaber fighting was good too. The thing is that they all swung so quickly it was hard to follow what they were doing with their hands. It was more of a blur because of how quick they moved.

Anakin did great in his acting. All throughout the movie he had to show hatred and confusion and he pulled it off well. Towards the end Anakin shined as the leading man. He had many scenes that tugged at my heart because I could understand his confusion. His allegiance was being directed on all sides, from Palpatine, the Jedi counsel and his own wife. I can see why he turned to the dark side. If only he had listed to Yoda.

Palpatine was probably the worst acting job out of the crew. He played an ok Sith lord but a terrible senator. I watched his facial reactions when he was in the ship chasing after Grievous and it looked like he was just waiting to say his lines. Then at the end when he was the Sith lord he overplayed it a little and his growl was a little too low to not be humorous. However, when he was at his evilest he shined.

Padme was kind of a bit part and she was good at acting her role as an expectant mother. She had a good look that helped me out of the mesmerizing scenery. At least when she was talking to Anakin with a breathtaking sunset behind her I could look at her face instead of the sunset.

The cinematography was some of the best I have ever seen. However to be fair, it was the best because the special effects were the best I have ever seen. I thought the choice of camera angles was good except for the lightsaber battles. When they were dueling they didn't show many far away shots. It was too close-up to see the tips of the lightsabers when they moved. And then when it showed it from far away the Jedi’s body movements detracted from the blur of the lightsabers.

The plot was very good. I liked how you finally understand how Anakin turns to the dark side. I had read the book and knew the plot beforehand. The thing I also liked was how Mace Windu didn't trust Anakin and also how the Jedi's also seemed to be partially responsible for Anakin turning to the dark side. There was a lot going on and sometimes it seemed hard to follow. There must've been a split second scene where Obi-wan finds and gets on this dinosaur to chase after grievous. I must've blinked and missed it. I also thought that when Anakin figures out the Palpatine was a Sith lord he could've been more upset, but I guess that's why he turned. There were some split second plot adjutants that didn't have to be there. Like when Yoda tells Obi-wan that he can study eternal life on Tatooine. Actually the whole Yoda part of the plot lacked the emotion of Anakin’s plot. The final battle between Yoda and Palpatine seemed too unreal and was like it was too much overacting, even for a digital character.

The musical score was fantastic. Without it the movie would've suffered. When Anakin turns to the dark side and the choral music plays it was amazing. There was only one scene; I can't remember it, where the music didn't fit. All the other times it was perfect.

The directing was good. I remember seeing sweeps and fades like the old movies. The only thing wrong is the lightsaber fights. But this time the actors seemed to work well together. So when they talked it was easy to follow. The space battle was hard to follow camera wise and everything happened to quickly.

The special effects were the best I have ever seen. I can't help but think that they added another character to the movie. I saw this movie on the best digital theater in Plano, the 3D sound effects pulled me in and the crystal clear and flawless scenery pulled me in all of the way. They were so good I had to focus my eyes in the distance to see hundreds of little ships pulling into dock. I saw little things like city lights over a city that stretched forever. I saw pieces of lava fly up and look like they were going to come out of the screen at me. I saw digital pads all over the place that had actual readouts that you could see details on. I saw robots and creatures of all shape and sizes, thousands of them, with such a lifelike fluid motion that it looked like they were alive. Towards the middle of the movie I started taking the effects for granted and the plot pulled me in. However as each scene switched I got the feeling like I was supposed to just look at the beauty of these made up worlds. I did and admired it like I would a famous painting.

Overall, this movie is the best movie I have seen in a long time. The acting, plot, effects, cinematography and directing all culminated to make it the BEST MOVIE EVER. This movie is a work of art finely crafted and planned for over 20 years. Each scene seemed to be the best scene ever. It was so good I felt like crying while watching it. I will definitely see this movie again and again. Even after all that I know I didn't catch everything that was there.
5 out of 5 stars.

A Star Wars Fan's View:
Ok, I stood in line for 15 minutes. I had to pass tents out in the parking lot of people who would be in line for one month. I had a ticket and instructions not to tell anyone at the theater what I was there to see because they didn't want any incidencts. I couldn't believe I had in my hand a ticket to a pre-pre screening of a movie that wasn't due to come out until 2 weeks. Thanks go out to Mr. Turkentine. When the opening crawl came on I was amazed. I could see the stars in the background and they looked just like I was looking at stars outside. There was no difference. I think I missed half of the crawl just by looking at stars. Then this really cool ship pops up and the whirlwind begins.

Although it was confusing, I was able to discern the hero's ships and watched them perform aerobatic maneuvers never before seen in the history of film. One thing people should realize when they see this film is that these movements and stunts, while digitized, are amazing feats as well. Obi-wan seemed to have a bigger beard than in A New Hope. Anakin had some scars on his face. I don't remember when he got those.

Even as a huge Star Wars fan I have to say that General Grievous was disappointing. He didn't do anything cool except for spinning four lightsabers for about 20 seconds. Then Obi-wan was able to miraculously cut off each of his hands while they were spinning and coolness quickly wore off. I liked how Obi-wan was still the cool one and Anakin seemed stronger.

The plot was very good. I liked the humor at the beginning, but unlike all other Star Wars movies that was about it. There was one scene at the end when Yoda pushes aside some royal guard like candy that was funny, but besides that this was a very serious movie. The lightsaber fights were good, but I think the fight in Empire still wins because it showed Vader using his powers and had a twist during the fight. There weren't any startling revalations in this movie. No, "I am your father". Some of the fights seemed a little too rehearsed. I did like all of the lightsaber fights from a cool perspective. I was amazed at how fast they all moved. I wanted them to slow it down or speed it up though. I guess because I was excited at the battles. Anakin's turn to the dark side is what this movie is about. There are no dual plots like Return of the Jedi when they had to rescue Han and deactivate the shield generator and kill Vader. This one just was about winning a fake war and turning Anakin into Vader. Every other little plot thing seemed to be just filling.

I liked how Palpatine shoots Mace Windu out the window. It was cool whenever any force lightning was used. I thought Anakin should've used force lightning on Obi-wan at the end but I guess he hadn't learned to yet. I was also amazed at the darkness at how Anakin would kill youngling Jedi's. It didn't show him killing them but it showed him about to do it. That was really cool just because it showed that there was no turning back for Anakin and he had finally made his decision to go to the dark side. I liked the music, the effects were the best the world has seen, and the plot was the most adult plot out of all the Star Wars movies.

If I was a kid I am not sure what I would think about it. I remember seeing Return of the Jedi as a kid and I remember the witty banter between C3P0 and R2-D2 and also how cute the Ewoks were and how the final battle was the coolest ever. I think though that there is so much content in this movie that kids will be able to pick out their favorite parts.

As a Star Wars fan I do have to agree that there also weren’t many space battles. There was one at the beginning and that was it. The ground battles happened so quickly it was hard to figure out what was going on. When the Jedi were attacked by their own troops I was amazed at how their reactions were very good. I thought the addition of Chewbacca into the movies added a nice little subplot, but they should've had more Chewbacca.
Definitely more Chewie.
5 out of 5 stars
-- Best Star Wars, Matter of fact best movie Ever!!!!

Thought of the Day
To all you new visitors, type star wars in the amazon.com search engine on this page and see what you find...

Well, my blog is back in action. A lot has happened since my last update so I shall start at Friday. On Friday my grandmother died. She was a great women who taught thousands of kids to read and was active in her church and the local library. Well, the news had to spread about this and my mother was no where to be found. My aunt calls me up and wonders where my mom is so we all started worrying. They were last heard from on Thursday and couldn't be contacted even on Friday. So I had to send out the search teams. All the while when this was happening I was at a men's retreat for my church so I had to do a lot of tracking on my cell phone. The men's retreat was good. A common theme of humility ran through it, which I am in need of. In the evening I started doing some searching. First we called their usual hangouts and they weren't there. I called friends in Wichita Falls and had them check the house. They weren't there. Then I had them call the hospitals just in case. Then I expanded the search from Shreveport to OKC hospitals. Then we called the police on Saturday because it had been so long. I had figured out a percentage of where they were there was a 66% chance they were at Thurber - a small Texas Town of population 2 and they didn't have a phone. There was a 22% chance they were at a casino somewhere and a 12% chance they were in a ditch somewhere. So we went with the Thurber theory and I had to figure out what police department patrolled out there. I ended up talking to 3 different police stations and eventually found one that patrolled. By 4pm Saturday I had another friend check the house again and they were finally home. They had come back from Thurber. After that fiasco and a lesson learned(my mom now has a cell phone) I was able to concentrate on other things like the show Saturday night. It was in Denton(about 30 minutes away) and it was pretty good. Some of our sound was off but I got some kudos from the crowd so it wasn't as bad as we thought. I ended up going the wrong way home and ended up in Ft.Worth. Apparently I-35W and I-35E are two separate roads that split, one to Dallas and one to Ft.Worth. It took me an hour to get home. I was exhausted. Since I am a heavy sleeper I always have friends that call to wake me up in the morning. So I had a friend call me to get up for church and I ended up doing the usual Sunday Church/Sunday School/Homeless thing. I didn't get home until 6pm on Sunday and I had to do some work. I lost track of time and didn't get to bed till 2:30 in the morning, exhausted. Sometimes things are exhausting, but in the end it is worth it. Today I might be going to see Star Wars for a press release screening. I am really excited. My Russian cubemate just said the last "Star Wars" movie he saw was "Jedi Returns" in the 80s. I am so embarrassed for him...

Thought of the Day
"I gotta get on that Internet. I'm late on everything."
- Jerry, in "The Yada Yada"