I decided not to do Monday's post over the weekend since Friday's post
came in on Monday. Seeing as today is Tuesday it doesn't matter in the
slightest. Pencils ready. 10 points for the reference. Anyway this
weekend saw me seeing 2 movies with my girlfriend. On Friday I saw Mars
at the IMAX. It was cool, but short. I kinda felt slighted after paying
$9 a ticket for a 40 minute movie. Saturday I went to the Studio Movie
Grill - a dinner and a movie theater and saw 8 Below. It was a Disney
movie about sled dogs in Antarctica who get left behind for 175 days. It
was pretty good. It lacked any sub plots and was slow in points but it
was good. It reminded me of the Iditarod sled dog race in Alaska. I
remember when I was 7 seeing the race and seeing the dogs. I also
remember being on a riverboat ride and seeing the sled-dog kennels on
the shore where they raised them. Alaska was pretty cool. I remember
seeing the Northern lights on a couple of occasions. Really it looked
like green clouds. The moose were incredibly huge. Most of the time when
I saw them they were halfway submerged in a pond with algae all over
their antlers. It was interesting in Alaska. I used to play across the
street in the park and the forest. Me and my friends would dig through
dumpsters and find stuff to take back to our secret fort. One day we
struck gold and found a metal kitchen cabinet. We used it to put over
the large holes we found in the forest and we had dug a couple of
tunnels from one hole to another. Then we covered each hole with wood,
or a cabinet. Now that I look back it could've been really dangerous
cause we could've got stuck in our tunnels. I was afraid the bears would
get into our fort so I went home and got some lighter fluid out of the
garage. I figured they wouldn't eat our fort if I covered it in lighter
fluid and covered all of the surrounding trees in lighter fluid. I was a
bright boy with future CEO written all over me. That night there was a
big thunderstorm. I went back to place the next day and discovered black
ashes all over the place. Funny it was everywhere where I put the
lighter fluid. I wonder what happened?
 
Thought of the Day
"When someone is lying, is it true that their pants are actually on
fire?"
- Jerry, in "The Beard"

Let's see, what to talk about today. I think I am losing my creativity. It must be an age thing. I thought about signing up for the "Guitarmaggedon" competition that is coming next month, but it seems like I can't think of anything new. "I just don't know if I could face that kind of rejection." For 10 points what movie is that quote from? I got a new DVD burner/VCR combo last night. I went to set the clock and all it asked for was to be on PBS. Apparently there is a signal going through PBS that contains the current time. I didn't even have to put anything in. The VCR just read the signal and set my clock for me. That is pretty cool. It makes you wonder what other kinds of signals are coming through the air that we don't know. I am still amazed at how satellite radio works in a moving car. The signal must be projected across the whole US. Combine that with cell frequencies, radio frequencies, GPS and RFID and it is a wonder that they don't all interfere with one another. If the government wanted to it could probably track where you are and be able to send sound directly to your brain to get you to do things. Kind of like hypnosis. The peach frog jumps at midnight. Ok, I guess I still got it.

Thought of the Day
"You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."
"The coup de toe!"
- George and Jerry, in "The Tape"

Time to babble. So here I am, now that I have a computer at work, and I
wonder what to say. I think my fans always liked it when I talked about
my past. Like the time I went to Los Angeles in the "Saved By The Bell"
competition. Or the time when I went to Prague and got lost. I can't
believe I have been running this blog since June of 2004. I was thinking
about visiting my sister in June or July after her new baby is born. We
were talking about meeting halfway in Missouri. That might be fun. Right
now I have switched all my hypnosis meetings to the other lady so my
mind is not invaded by the "John". My job is going well and I love the
feeling of power I get when I design a program that is going to run the
tax system for the US. My health is good. So far I have lost 10 pounds
in 3 weeks. Although I had pizza last night and the day before. One of
the hypnosis suggestions is "you will be full after a couple of bites of
junk food." I think my problem is that I don't consider pizza junk food.
Unfortunately I got a new maid yesterday. My old one decided to take a
part time job and can't do it anymore. I now have dirty laundry sitting
in my laundry room. The number one thing I loved about my maid was she
did the laundry, folded it, and hung it up. She wasn't supposed to do
it, but did it anyways for a good tip. Too bad this one didn't. I guess
I have to figure out how to do it. I remember in college throwing
everything in and turning it on. I have no idea what all the laundry
terminology is. What is permanent press? It sounds like a basketball
play, kinda like a full court press.

<bold>Thought of the Day</bold>
"Don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working. It knows what it's
doing. Just let it finish."
"You're going to overdry it."
"You can't overdry."
"Why not?"
"The same reason you can't overwet."
- Jerry and George, in "Good News, Bad News"

As I sit at my desk I can't help but look up at the yellow bicycle helmet that is sitting on my monitor that has a sticker on it that says "Home Depot" Customer support. This helmet is legendary and somehow it ended up at my desk. The story of the helmet goes back to my cohort Boris. He has been working here for 5 years now. One day he leaned too far back in his chair, fell backwards onto a bookshelf and the bookshelf fell forwards on him. It was like everyone was quiet, hear a loud "boom, crash", and then come running and see Boris stuck under the bookshelf. The next day the group got him a yellow bicycle helmet for his clumsiness. Thus the yellow helmet gets passed to the last person who was clumsy. The "Home Depot" sticker goes to a time when another coworker was at home depot and grabbed some long 2x4's off of the shelf. As he turned around he hit some other pieces of wood smack into his head, got knocked out, hit the floor and started bleeding all over the place. Then a little boy comes running, or something, and somehow gets hit with the falling wood from the shelf. Everyone was ok, just stunned. Thus the yellow helmet got transferred to him. As the latest recipient of the yellow helmet I would like to thank my sister, since her clumsiness must've inspired me. I got the yellow helmet by picking up a 21 inch monitor to take to my desk. (When someone gets fired we all farm their desk for supplies). I didn't realize how much of a weakling I was and as I was walking the monitor slowly fell out of my hands. Luckily a fast coworker got under it and grabbed it 6 inches away from hitting the ground. And thus I now have the yellow helmet. I am glad I didn't have to get knocked out to get it.

Thought of the Day
"Maybe it'll be fun having a pet?"
"It's not a pet. It's a wild invalid. And it knows that I tried to kill it. As soon as it gets better, it's gonna gnaw my brain out in my sleep."
- George, about the squirrel he has to care for, in "The Merv Griffin Show"

And now here is the weekend update. This weekend saw freezing rain and was basically a stay at home weekend. I got caught up on my movie watching. Friday I watched some classic Bruce Lee movies like the Chinese Connection and the Big Boss. Unfortunately I made the mistake of watching them in my recliner and fell asleep at the best parts. Then on Saturday it was more of the same with a variety of movies, "King Ralph", "Clear and Present Danger", and "8mm". I took it easy this weekend and am very relaxed. I had Monday off for President's Day so I went to my girlfriend's school and watched her put on a skit for the students. She teaches 3rd grade and the skit was a pep rally for a statewide test that all students have to take. She came out wearing a John Travolta wig and danced with the other third grade teachers to the Grease song "your the one that want". It was funny and all of the kids were laughing. Afterwards she had her students all line up to go back to her classroom, including me. It was funny. I then helped her put up all of the trashbags all over her room to cover up any words so the kids don't cheat on the test. Afterwards I actually went to the gym and got on the treadmill. This hypnosis thing seems to be working, except for one snag. On Friday I went in for hypnosis and the guy who was hypnotizing me freaked me out. At first he started talking about how he was able to suggest to this one girl that if she even tried a sweet she would have uncontrollable diarrhea and scared her into not having a single sweet. I thought to myself "well, that is a little sketchy but it is for her good." Then he mentioned how all his clients cancelled in the afternoon because of the weather and he was thinking about hiring 2 high class escort girls to keep him company in his office. He then said, "I want you to lose that weight so you don't have to pay for it. Those high class ones get close to $10,000." At that moment he lost a lot of credibility. Sometimes when I just tell people that I am a musician that people seem to think I am into drugs and prostitution. WTF? I am thinking, what is this guy putting in to my head? I then realized that if I don't respect him that his suggestions won't work as well. Luckily they also have this girl who does hypnosis as well. I am going to call today and politely request a different person. I do know that it works, I just don't want to wake up one day with two girls and a bill for $20,000.

Thought of the Day
"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'"
- Jay Leno

Woot! I finally have internet access at work. Surprisingly I have been getting so much work done this past couple of months that I wonder if I surf too much. Nah. I am feeling good. I went to the doctor's office this morning and got some good news. All this week I have been in different diagnostic centers and they were looking at my kidneys. Apparently I have a 1cm cyst on each kidney. I was worried it was cancerous or something, but I found out today they are just there and don't really affect anything. So I am just going to monitor it every six months just to make sure it isn't growing. I also found out I don't have diabetes and my cholesterol and sugars are back to normal. I have lost 10 pounds in two weeks on this hypnosis diet. To celebrate I had an Angus burger for lunch with lettuce, tomatoes, onions and Mayo. Take a look at my old post on all of my rules and you will see that I am completely different. This hypnosis thing is great. I am losing weight and it has the added bonus of raising my self-esteem. I just have to make sure I don't become arrogant. In other news, Motivium may have another contract. I went to Baylor Hospital yesterday and pitched my services to them. I might be training the techs in the pathology department on how to check their email and surf the web. It should be an interesting job. I would do it on Saturday or evenings if need be. It was like this opportunity just fell into my lap. Anyway it is about 35 degrees outside. Yesterday it was 85. Like someone once said,"If you don't like the weather in Texas, just wait a minute." For 10 points name the movie quote from my headline.

Thought of the Day
"Why can't I have a heart attack? I'm allowed."
- George, in "The Heart Attack"

Hi all,
I spoke with Brian this morning and it looks like he has internet access at
work, so he will be taking back his blog. I'm glad. I couldn't think of
much to say most of the time. Welcome back, Brian.

I think I will start this post by announcing that my initial status has been cleared and I will probably start posting regularly soon. Maybe in one week, cause they just love to go slow. This last week was pretty good. Things have been going well so I have no complaints. To start with, my hypnosis diet is working. I went to the docs and I lost 7 pounds in 8 days. I also got my lab work back and my cholesterol went from 243 to 153 in one month(thanks lipitor). My BP is still the same and I got an MRI done on my kidneys last week. This week I should get those results back. Don't you just love how I share my personal medical stuff? I am sure this is widely entertaining. In other news I got a business lead from a friend and may be teaching computers at Baylor Health Care to surgical techs. I am going this week to pitch my company to them. I don't really need the business, but I would be a fool to not take opportunities when they arrive. Friday afternoon your humble narrator had something he never said he would have - lettuce, tomatoes, onions and caesar dressing on a cheeseburger. I think the earth got out of its orbit a little as I accomplished this feat. Friday night I went to a "I Love the 80's" dance at a local high school. Why? Well, it was rented out by my church's singles department to have the dance at a high school. It was soo weird. It was like stepping back into time. I wore a foreigner T-Shirt and had a VIP pass I got for playing at a music festival. I was the "fan who got backstage". Really it took me 10 minutes to think of that costume. I have fake hair coloring and was going to go as a punk rocker, but I chickened out. There were tons of girls wearing those leg warmers and their hair all spiked in the front. A couple of guys went to dance with gray hair and walkers. They were "80", get it? I danced with my girlfriend(who is a really good dancer) and even had a 2 minute spurt where I did my famous "bassdance". Apparently a guy in my class knows a girl who went to high school with me and she told him about what I was known for so he egged me on to do it. Then Saturday was the classes valentines day dinner. It was where the guys made a full course dinner for all of the girls. We spent hours preparing for this thing. I even busted out my guitar and harmonica and we all sang the Beatles "Love me do" for the girls. It went well. My sweetheart gave a very good valentines day gift. Mine is to come on Tuesday. I have yet to get half of it. I think my mail order company is skimping on me. Then on Sunday I went to the early service and was just about to walk at the door when lo and behold Mr. Turketine is walking in. Mind you, this is in a church of 14,000 people. So I get to go and watch the service again for a second time. It was even better the second time. I guess they get practice at the early one. Anyways, We go to lunch with my class and Mr. T even went with me to feed the homeless. The first time it is always an interesting experience. You usually take time to think about how blessed you really are. We only fed about one quarter of the people we usually do though, because they were told they can't sleep at the resource center anymore. I just wonder where they all went. Anyways, it was quite an interesting weekend and it will be quite and interesting week. How was ya'lls. That's you all to the non-Texans.

Thought of the Week
"I wish there were pig-men. You get a few of those pig-men walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better. That way if someone wanted to fix me up they could say, 'Hey, at least he's no pig-man.'"
- George, in "The Bris"

Hey guys,
This morning I was sitting here doing my normal thing at work, when all the
guys in my department got an email reminding us that Valentines Day is next
week, and not to forget about the women. Now, over a week ago I asked my
wife what she wanted for V day, and she said "nothing." I know better than
this. Every year I've had flowers sent to her work, and she's loved it. I
reminded her of this, and she said not to bother and that a card would do
fine. I sat here wondering if I should do as she requested, or do what my
brain told me to do. To make a long story short, my wife will be receiving
flowers, candy, and a DVD (bought through Brian's site.) I know this isn't
a riveting post, so just take it as a reminder that the biggest BS holiday
is next week, and if you are dating/married, it's time to put in your
flower/gift orders.

Peety

And now for the weekend update. First I have to say Yea Steelers. I say this even though I am a Cowboys Fan. I went for the Steelers since my mom is from Pittsburgh, although my aunt is from Seattle so I was a little torn. On Friday I went to Irving and jammed with some musicians at a practice studio. Basically, you bring your guitar, pay 10 bucks and can play all night on their professional equipment as loud as you want. Occasionally a drunk guy will come in and start playing with you. I got a lot of good compliments, someone wanted to know my name so if I became a famous guitarist he would know me. Considering I am not playing out right now, that will be hard to do. But last week I jammed on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. I had bible study on Wednesday and guys night on Thursday. Saturday I went to the Cavanaugh flight museum and looked at all of the old WWII airplanes with my girlfriend. Then we went to dinner at another couples place. Then we went to the Galleria and went ice skating. I am proud to announce I did not fall once. However, I scooted along at 2 MPH. I was scared of falling so I hung onto her wrist. I think I ended up doing 10 laps around the rink and then sat out and watched her skate. The rest of my class was there so we all socialized. Sunday we went to feed the homeless, but this time things were different. They weren't there. Something has happened to homeless in Dallas and we are trying to track them all down. The city passed an ordinance that says you can't sleep in a public place and they also made us sign up for a time to come and feed at one location. We used to go under bridges and near missions to feed and now the law says we can only do it the one place. That one place though, which used to have 300 people now has 20. So where did they all go? It kinda freaked us out, like they were taken somewhere. We had 360 sandwiches made and I don't even know what we are going to do with them. Anyways, I got home, watched the Superbowl and am now getting ready for the week. I have a feeling this will be a much slower week. I think I might start working out again. This hypnosis thing is actually working. It is unbelievable. I had a carrot on Tuesday and tomatoes on Thursday and Friday and even took a bite of lettuce on Saturday night. I wonder if I could make a salad of carrots, tomatoes and lettuce? That would be freaky. Considering I am 30 and have never had a salad. However I did cook cheeseburgers tonight for the Super Bowl, but they were the lean meat burgers, so they weren't as tasty. I guess even though I can eat vegetables, the good stuff ain't vegetables. And that's all I got to say about that.

Thought of the Week
Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now.
The Jerk

Hi guys,
As we all know, Thursday is a big night for TV. On Thursday, I watch
Survivor, Smallville, My name is Earl, & The Office. My wife watches
Survivor, CSI, Earl, and The Office. I used to tape Smallville, just in
case Brian didn't TIVO it....which has happened recently. I am now trusting
that Brian will remember to set the TIVO, because one of our machines will
get Survivor & CSI, while the other gets Earl & The Office. I miss the old
days when what few shows I had were spread out over several nights, instead
of all coming on at the same time, and on the night the guys go out.
I spoke to Brian this morning for a few minutes. He said he has a
meeting with Microsoft this morning about possibly buying one of their
servers. I forgot to ask him how hypnosis went. I guess we can find out
tonight. See y'all tonight.

Peety

Hey guys,
I don't have too much for today, so this will be short. I didn't do
too much last night. I did multitask and watch the state of the union
address while playing Battlefront II at the same time. Most of what the
president said was the same old stuff. The one thing that did catch my
attention was when he spoke about gasoline. He said something to the effect
about the US being addicted to gas, and that we need to concentrate on
alternative fuels, and using technology to develop better hybrid cars. It
all sounds good in theory, but I wanted to ask him if his presidential limo
or Air Force 1 had hybrid engines or used alternative fuels. For the most
part, I like Bush, but there's always something I can pick on. When
Exxon/Mobile profits are $36.1 billion (a record) during a "shortage",
something doesn't add up. I'm by no means a political junkie, so I'll get
off of that. The worst part about the whole thing was Boston Legal wasn't
on because of the post speech stuff.
I spoke to Brian this morning. He said he actually ate carrot(s) last
night. He said it tasted OK, but made him a little queasy. I guess years of
rejecting vegetables will be a challenge for even hypnosis. He said he has
another hypnosis session from 1:00-2:00, but has a meeting at 2:00. I don't
know how he's going to work this one out. Good luck with it. Everybody have
a good hump day.

"What do you mean? That's real news....not this politics slop." --The old
man from A Christmas Story.
Peety