Mr.Turkentine and I went to see The Police last night at American Airlines Center in Dallas. It was good. I recognized every song but 2 of them. I forgot how many hits they had. Sting and the drummer were real good and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guitar player. The Police broke up like 20 years ago and I don't think the guitarist had been doing anything since. It seemed like he also forgot how to play the songs as he kept on having to look at the fretboard. His sound was a little off and his vocals were off too. He didn't do much in the area of getting in to the songs. Sting and the drummer made up for it though. We had seats 500 feet up from the side of the stage. Luckily they had screens so we could see their faces. They did 3 encores. I was remarking to Mr.T how Sting was probably one of the top vocalists of the twentieth century. The others might be Elvis, Paul McCartney, Elton John, John Denver and maybe some country guys. Can you think of any others?

Joke
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.

And now for the weekend update. First, I am so busy. My life seems to be scheduled out all the way past the wedding. It is not that bad, but I just don't have much time. This weekend case in point. I went to Wichita Falls on Friday night. Saturday morning I drove mom to Ft.Worth for a wedding shower. Saturday afternoon I drove her back to Wichita Falls. Sunday I drove back from Wichita Falls. That is 8 hours of driving time. I was exhausted Sunday night. The wedding shower was good, the cake balls were to die for. I was the only guy there of course. It is a little surreal to think my family is going to increase in size big time. It is pretty cool too. Anyways, life is good. I am still trying to get this sleep thing right. Apparently I quit the light stuff too early. So now I have to continue it to get the effect. We shall see.

Joke
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
COME ON -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

Well, the world of computers is currently in a little bit of flux. The mammoths, Microsoft and Google have been flexing their muscle as of late. I think it is rather interesting how they fight to control the desktops of the users machines. I have been discussing with my peers the past couple of weeks about how newer does not necessarily mean better, or maybe I'm getting older. It kind of reminded me of the difference between a 65 mustang and a 70 Mustang. The older definitely being better. Take Windows Vista for example, it is painful. I cannot imagine a common user liking Vista over XP. It looks better, but in many ways it is slower and tedious. The whole "run as administrator" thing means nothing to a grandma wanting to surf the net. About 3 or 4 years ago Microsoft got derided for having an operating system that wasn't secure. So they created a mandate at the company that security comes first in new operating systems. Unfortunately what this did was put the user second, which goes against a core design principle. So I am always having to run stuff as an administrator. Now if you dig deep enough you can actually turn this off, but what common user is going to understand? On flipside Microsoft fixed a lot of glaring problems with XP. The problem was they didn't fix them in XP, so now there is no perfect operating system. I don't even consider Macs because I am a programmer, but it might not be a bad idea for other users...

Joke
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"
The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

Well my foray into the sleeping light is now over. And at the moment I can declare it a success. I woke up yesterday at 6:45 without an alarm clock. Today, however I woke up at 8:30 without an alarm clock. I guess I was really tired from the day before. Hmm, we shall see if this sticks. It might be that I will always have to use the light as a maintenance kind of thing. In other news Holly's dress came in today. She loves it. I know she is going to be so spectacular it will blow everyone away. I just have to maintain my composure - I am kind of emotional - when she walks down the aisle. Or maybe I will wear sunglasses...

Joke
A blonde went to electronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

This weekend was good. On Friday I went with Holly to her friends birthday party at Snuffers on Greenville Ave. We then proceeded to a concert at the Granada and saw a guy called Bob Snider. He was a poser from 2001 who rapped half the time instead of singing. Of course rap has to be vulgar and insulting to women. I was surprised at how popular he was with the ladies. They like that? On Saturday it was road trip time as we drove 3 hours to longview and 3 hours back for a wedding of a person from our Sunday School class. It was in a huge mansion outside in the backyard. It had been raining for half of the day and flooded the backyard where the wedding was. Somehow they were able to get all of the water out of it and the sun came out and it was actually a good wedding. As Holly and I walked through the mansion I noticed all of the antique furniture. I mean a tea set in every corner? I called it clutter and surprised Holly. I did like all of the statues in the front yard though. That was cool. On Sunday I gave the message - I have yet to put it up here so stay tuned for that. Sunday night I took Holly's family to 3 Forks - sister restaurant to the Silver Fox - the best steak house in the world. It was good and eat bite you just have to close your eyes and savor the flavor. I am back dieting now and went to the docs today. I have officially lost 5 pounds over the past 6 months. Time to step it up a notch. I asked my doctor today about that new over the counter diet drug Alli. He said and I quote "The anus is an interesting thing. With this drug your body tells you, you have to pass gas and whoops it wasn't gas." How was your weekend?

Joke
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."

So what's happening with me? Well I have rededicated myself to this whole diet thing. Even though I have been working out since January 1st I have not lost any weight. Granted I have been getting bigger muscles and my jeans are looser, but nevertheless not much else is changing. I think I finally realized - dieting is a form of sickness. The human body is not meant to be big nor is it meant to lose pounds. I can't stress enough not gaining weight in the first place. But once it happens you just gotta say "Everyone I have announcement. I am fat." Then go to the store, pick up some sweat pants, hit the gym, watch what you eat, and then, only then will you have this sickness I call weight loss.

Joke
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."

On Friday we were going to see a Beatle Tribute Band but I must've got some of that e.coli that's been running around I did not. It was probably something in the multiple hamburgers I consumed over the week. I stayed home and Holly got me feeling better. I had her go to Chick-Fil-A to get me a sandwich and she calls up "I've got some news." and hands the phone to one of the employees at Chick-Fil-A and he says "You're the 100th customer!" Apparently every day they give the 100th customer free food. That is cool. We ended up watching some of the old MST3K episodes. On Saturday I was feeling better so we went bowling with our Sunday School Class. I won like 2 out 3 games. Sunday we did the usual. How was your weekend?

Joke
The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.
"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."
"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.
When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"
"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

So I have been thinking about marriage. Probably because I am getting married. Holly and I completed our course at church "Before you say I do" so now we are ready to say I do. Next week we go to "pre-marriage counseling" by the pastor who is going to marry us. This is all so exciting and life changing. We have both read some marriage books and are getting prepared. I am now at the stage where the little details are now being thought of. Like, where are things going to go? How is the house going to change? How will our money and our messes will become one? How will our daily routines change? What sacrifices will need to be made? How will I be the family leader? And all of those things. Holly and I are both a little inexperienced, even with parents and happy marriages, but we are deeply in love right now. I think we should do as much preemptive planning as possible when life is grand. I am starting to notice that newlyweds all seem to be more blunt with each other than engaged couples. I guess once you are married you have to become blunt sometimes. I am glad we are getting prepared, that way marriage won't hit us all at once. Any advice for a future husband?

Joke
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."
Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."
Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.
His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."

So busy my head is spinning. And

So as of July 1st my COBRA health insurance will expire. I am trying to get on an individual insurance and it is a challange. Apparently having Sleep Apnea is equivalent to AIDS and Cancer. It is ridiculous. I just got turned down from blue cross blue shield. I don't mind paying a little extra, but to be declined, egad. Holly's really bad teacher health insurance is looking good right now. This is the one drawback of owning your own company - finding good individual health insurance. I am a firm believer in having the best health insurance possible. That can turn $20,000 in medical bills into $900. Well worth it if something bad happens. Apparently I cannot even set up group insurance through my company because I need 3 or more employees. I guess I will join the ranks of the uninsured for the moment. Maybe I should start my own health insurance company. Insurance worked well for grandpa - George W. Bass Insurance in OKC, except that was property insurance... How about Brian A. Bass Insurance?

Thought
One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over
the kitchen sink and crying.
"Honey, what's wrong?"
She said between sniffles, "I... I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and
then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them."

This weekend was fun. On Friday I went to Holly’s place and went out and got a grill – my birthday present to myself. It is a Thermos Gas grill with four burners. Later on when I was going to go home my car battery ended up dying. So I drove Holly’s mom’s car home in a lightning storm. Saturday was the big barbecue at my house. The morning and afternoon I spent laborously putting together the grill. It works cause nothing burned down. Holly and I had a Barbecue Birthday Bash. There were about 30 people there. I cooked Angus burgers and hot dogs and Holly got me a cake in the shape of my guitar. It was cool. Later on we busted out the Karaoke machine and everyone had a good time although my embarrassment meter was pretty high – I feel bad for the singers… Sunday we did the usual. How was your weekend?

Thought
A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.


MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"