Friday, July 06, 2007
Hello Hollywood!
Hmm, what to talk about. I am bored right now so this is gonna be long. I think I will talk about every one's favorite subject, movies and Hollywood. Now as I was coding last night I put it on one of the movie channels. The first little diddy was about how a guy - Greg Kinnear - makes friends with an assassin and they help each other out. It was boring. The second movie was right after it called "June Bug". It was a chick flick I think. It was just so extremely boring I had to laugh at it. I mean there were shots of an empty living room, empty dining room, empty bedroom, all lasting a minute or more. I could tell it was just filler because they didn't know what to put. Hollywood is wondering why their business is sinking and they blame things like piracy and DVDs but the reality is their movies are boring. So here is some advice for Hollywood if they want better movies:
1. Enough with the mindless banter. Yes Clerks was funny in the 90s but to have every movie have pointless conversations just because it was cool is no longer necessary. Matter of fact it makes the movies boring and it is obvious that it is filler.
2. Enough with the Reality Show look. Yes, we know how real people look and we know what life is like in the normal world. People in Hollywood think that playing a drunken old guy who has been through alot is interesting. Hello Hollywood. They are all around us and not very entertaining. Plus the reality camera angles and "off-the-cuff" style is disorienting and pointless.
3. Enough with swearing just because it is edgy. Hello Hollywood. We don't need to watch people swear. On top of the whole "what kind of message does it give our kids" mentality it shows the main characters intellect. People who swear a lot are generally not that smart and I lose all interest in them as a character. It is not cool to swear and it dumbs down society. Thank you Hollywood for that.
4. Enough with movies filmed in LA and New York. I'd be willing to bet that 90% of all movies are filmed in LA and New York. Hello Hollywood. There are other places to film. It is plainly obvious to me that I am looking at a low budget movie when all they do is drive around Santa Monica Boulevard. I know Dallas has a movie studio around here. Why not make more movies in Dallas?
5. Comedies don't need to be gross to be funny. I can do without throw-up. I can do without innuendo. Hello Hollywood. Whenever I see any kind of gross thing in any movie automatically it drops a grade in my book. I have never laughed at gross things, I just get sick from watching it. Come on people. If I wanted to laugh at gross things I'd hang out in a hospital.
6. Sequels - Come on. Hello Hollywood. Ever since the 80s when sequels were big every producer decides to make them. Even for movies that are bad. We didn't need a Matrix 2 and Matrix 3. We don't need many sequels, especially since I think we have learned a valuable lesson over these years - Sequels are never as good as the original.
So those are the big ones. If you take those out of all of the movies in the last 5 years you might have just a handful of movies that make it. I can see the 80s being called the golden age of movies because the plots were really entertaining. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Star Trek, ET and a host of other really good movies, too many to mention. I would say that it is just that I was a kid in the 80s, but the quality of movies today is just glaring. So what can Hollywood do to make better movies?
1. Create movies with subplots - It is good when there is more than one plot in a movie.
2. Create movies with definite endings - I like to see movies that I know will not have sequels.
3. Create movies with new actors - I have seen every major actor out there 5 times at least. Give us some new major actors and actresses.
4. Create movies with better music - The scores of the 80s were very good. Nowadays they are boring.
5. Create movies with lovable characters - like I said, swearing and grossness make characters not lovable.
6. Bring back morality - I remember there used to be movies where a good guy was an actual good guy, not a guy who could kill a man in self defense and still be called good. How about a character who refuses to do wrong even if it benefits him to do so? I mean, the current Superman has an illegitimate child. Come on, that doesn't sound that super. Plus the string of chick flicks that give women an excuse to cheat on their man if they no longer love them leaves us all worried for the future. Don't get me wrong. I was actually defending Family Guy even though it is tasteless. There is a time and place, but there are just no moral movies anymore. Hollywood, give us more than one a year.
So those are just some suggestions. I could go on and on about Hollywood. I doubt they will listen to me. But if they did I'd be willing to bet that movies would get better and be more entertaining. For now the up and coming movies from obscure places and even the Internet will probably start gaining in popularity until Hollywood gets the message.
Joke
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
1. Enough with the mindless banter. Yes Clerks was funny in the 90s but to have every movie have pointless conversations just because it was cool is no longer necessary. Matter of fact it makes the movies boring and it is obvious that it is filler.
2. Enough with the Reality Show look. Yes, we know how real people look and we know what life is like in the normal world. People in Hollywood think that playing a drunken old guy who has been through alot is interesting. Hello Hollywood. They are all around us and not very entertaining. Plus the reality camera angles and "off-the-cuff" style is disorienting and pointless.
3. Enough with swearing just because it is edgy. Hello Hollywood. We don't need to watch people swear. On top of the whole "what kind of message does it give our kids" mentality it shows the main characters intellect. People who swear a lot are generally not that smart and I lose all interest in them as a character. It is not cool to swear and it dumbs down society. Thank you Hollywood for that.
4. Enough with movies filmed in LA and New York. I'd be willing to bet that 90% of all movies are filmed in LA and New York. Hello Hollywood. There are other places to film. It is plainly obvious to me that I am looking at a low budget movie when all they do is drive around Santa Monica Boulevard. I know Dallas has a movie studio around here. Why not make more movies in Dallas?
5. Comedies don't need to be gross to be funny. I can do without throw-up. I can do without innuendo. Hello Hollywood. Whenever I see any kind of gross thing in any movie automatically it drops a grade in my book. I have never laughed at gross things, I just get sick from watching it. Come on people. If I wanted to laugh at gross things I'd hang out in a hospital.
6. Sequels - Come on. Hello Hollywood. Ever since the 80s when sequels were big every producer decides to make them. Even for movies that are bad. We didn't need a Matrix 2 and Matrix 3. We don't need many sequels, especially since I think we have learned a valuable lesson over these years - Sequels are never as good as the original.
So those are the big ones. If you take those out of all of the movies in the last 5 years you might have just a handful of movies that make it. I can see the 80s being called the golden age of movies because the plots were really entertaining. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Star Trek, ET and a host of other really good movies, too many to mention. I would say that it is just that I was a kid in the 80s, but the quality of movies today is just glaring. So what can Hollywood do to make better movies?
1. Create movies with subplots - It is good when there is more than one plot in a movie.
2. Create movies with definite endings - I like to see movies that I know will not have sequels.
3. Create movies with new actors - I have seen every major actor out there 5 times at least. Give us some new major actors and actresses.
4. Create movies with better music - The scores of the 80s were very good. Nowadays they are boring.
5. Create movies with lovable characters - like I said, swearing and grossness make characters not lovable.
6. Bring back morality - I remember there used to be movies where a good guy was an actual good guy, not a guy who could kill a man in self defense and still be called good. How about a character who refuses to do wrong even if it benefits him to do so? I mean, the current Superman has an illegitimate child. Come on, that doesn't sound that super. Plus the string of chick flicks that give women an excuse to cheat on their man if they no longer love them leaves us all worried for the future. Don't get me wrong. I was actually defending Family Guy even though it is tasteless. There is a time and place, but there are just no moral movies anymore. Hollywood, give us more than one a year.
So those are just some suggestions. I could go on and on about Hollywood. I doubt they will listen to me. But if they did I'd be willing to bet that movies would get better and be more entertaining. For now the up and coming movies from obscure places and even the Internet will probably start gaining in popularity until Hollywood gets the message.
Joke
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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