Well, tomorrow I will be receiving my last invoice payment from Lockheed Martin. It is sad, and entirely sad that I have to face something like a wall, that is hard, that is reality. As I look over what I have done this last month I can only conclude that I don't have the time and money to get this started. I know it is sad but here is the reality statement that gets me - I need a paycheck on Nov. 1st.

So there is only one thing to do. "Gotta get a job." That statement was first laid out by my pot smoking stepbrother's ex-wife's brother who was in a band when I was 16. As he toked he said to me and Pepper in an exhale that was deep and reverberating, "gotta get a job". But I digress. If I need a paycheck on Nov 1st, or Nov 15th, then that means I need a job on October 1st. In order to get started on October 1st that means I need to be looking on September 15th. I am very familiar with this process and have gone on over 100 interviews over the years and have gotten some of the best jobs out there. What does this mean for RideSearch? Well, RideSearch is too big to die. It has grown over 7200 members and I add over 100 members each week. But the portal, this cash cow among the forest, is something that only angel funding or venture capital will keep going. The reality is that it will take 50 hour weeks to get it finished for at least 3 months, and I don't have that kind of time or money.

The really sad part is I never got the chance to get a presentation out in front of investors. My business plans were never finished. My sales team and CFO never got to do what they need to do like finish business plans and sell portals to companies. And, although it is not officially over, the time to work on things is going away. I can't do anything in a week. I have stayed up many a night getting stuff done so that RideSearch can be the best out there. I have dedicated all of my time and money to this site. Now I know that I could do what I did before, work during the day at a company and work during the night on RideSearch, but is it worth it? This year has been the most stressful and the most joyful out of any of the prior years. It has its ups and downs, but it has been exhausting.

I have a dream. That dream is that I will be the boss. I will call the shots, work on my schedule and get things done. The dream is also that I will make enough money to pay off the house and other things and even go on vacations. To live life debt free and not have to worry about money. I always have hope. I had so much momentum. I haven't heard of many business that have the growth and press that I have. Anyways, as I brag, I still haven't seen much income from this business. It is almost as if I don't know how to capitalize on my own success.

So what's next? Well, I have until the 15th and then I will send out my resume and will more than likely go on many interviews until I get some offers on the table. I don't want to go back to the IRS. I need some happiness in my day to day job. So I will seek a job that will make me happy. A technical lead job. Now what should I do between now and the 15th? Should I go fishing? Do some fun things? Enjoy the time off? I am leaning towards that. Time to shut things down. Not worry about RideSearch. Quit my ad campaigns. Put the server in maintenance mode. Buy a lightbulb. Getting ready to spend the next 10 years paying off RideSearch. Maybe put the whole business up on eBay. Back when I was at my first job at AT&T I was on the bowling team. Our goal was to get a last place trophy. It says,"we tried." I need a trophy. I need it to say "I tried."