Today I shall go deep. I've got three months to go before I am a dad and I want to make sure I can be the best one possible. So this gives me room for introspection. What if our base self, the one we revert to when nothing is going on, is not normal? What if Brian "Normal" is not normal after all, but a hodgepodge of overeating, oversleeping and bad habits accumulated in youth. As I think about going into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for weight loss - my next thing to try - I think "what if" to all my presumptions about the way things should be.

If you've known me over the years you know I am a guy who is very analytical. One who won't let questions die without finding answers. I am all for self-improvement, even as far as learning new things and having a good mental health. Sometimes I admit I can't control something, like my blood pressure, and then rely upon the medical community to give me something that will do it. For some, I am reactive, for others I am proactive. People who don't see a doctor regulary and don't have concern about their health will think me a hypochondriac. People who are skinny and exercise to stave off obesity related problems will say I am reactive to my bad habits and not proactive. It is all a matter of perspective. I think I am probably all of it to some degree. I do think a professional second opinion cannot hurt in any aspect of life.

I have to watch out though about any therapist I see, even the therapists morals. I remember my hypnosis incident with the prostitutes. Also, my past is filled with landmines that would go against the whole point of CBT. I can see a shrink asking me about my childhood and sticking with that. I tend to forget the bad and move on. I think the point of CBT is to retrain my brain to be physically healthy orientated and not to discuss other issues. It is to provide the tools to say "no" at restaurants and to actually treat food addiction, which I have admitted I have.

A food addict always has to have the best tasting food. It is not about sustenance or about healthy choices. I eat solely because I love the taste and my brain has a delusion of no consequences to my food choices. But the reality is there are consequences, I just need to retrain my brain. So it is really a very good thing that I accept this and get treated for it, the way a person would get treated for alcoholism or even a broken foot. I am excited that I will take that step. It makes it all seem serious and gives me a push to take diet and exercising seriously. After all, who couldn't use a bit of advice from a professional? Especially since insurance pays for it. Woot.